Follow Your Inner Moonlight
by on rooftops
Summary: "Follow your inner moonlight, don't hide the madness." - Allen Ginsberg — Lily/Teddy
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter_.

Chapter One  
"I had nothing to offer anybody but my own confusion." – Jack Kerouac

"You want me to _what_?" Teddy stared in horror at his godfather, his typically controlled hair flashing through so many colors that Harry could barely recognize one before it changed. Harry ran one hand across his face. Teddy had been his last shot – everyone else had outright refused. At least his godson seemed to be considering it. Actually, he seemed too stunned to refuse anything.

Harry sighed and explained, "Ginny and I are visiting James in Africa for the summer. Albus is traveling with the Cannons, Hermione is doing some sort of research, and Ron and George are planning on spending the entire summer locked in the joke shop. Ginny and I need someone to look after Lily."

"Lily's sixteen now, isn't she? Can't she stay home? Or with Hermione's kids? Why isn't she going with you and Ginny?" Teddy's voice was tight with his effort to avoid offending his godfather.

Harry shook his head. "Rose told me that I had to trust Lily and that if I forced her to live with anyone she'd be unbearable, and Hugo is Lily's age – if I asked her to stay with him, she'd think that I trust him more than her."

"But you do, don't you? Look, Harry, I understand your problem, I do, but I don't know why you're here. Do you really think this is the safest place for your daughter? If you don't trust her to stay on her own in England, why in Merlin's name would you trust her to stay with me?"

"Look, Lily's not a bad kid. She won't bother you at all, and she doesn't know you like she knows the rest of the family, so she'll listen to you. Probably."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "If she's not a bad kid, why are you so interested in sending her away? I haven't seen her since before she went to Hogwarts! If you want her to be surrounded by creatures that scare her too much to let her get too out of control, why not send her to Charlie?"

Harry glared at his godson. "I'm not asking you because of where you are, Teddy. I did ask Charlie, and he told me that it'd be fine with him, if I could talk to the Ministry and work out some way for Lily to be able to do magic before she turns seventeen in August. He thinks it's too dangerous if she's unable to do magic around the dragons." Harry shrugged. "But I'd rather she follow the law and wait until her birthday."

"Which brings me back to my original question: why don't you trust her?"

"She's," Harry hesitated, "Ginny and I found some stuff a few months ago… we wouldn't be able relax if she were home alone. She's…well, you remember her, Teddy. She's always been a bit wild."

"Right. And you think that sending her here is a good idea? _Here_, where nearly everyone turns into an animal once a month. You don't think she'll cause trouble and hurt herself and my friends?"

"She's not an idiot, Teddy. She'll behave better here than she would at home, because she'll be nervous around you at first and because this is a serious place, where trouble means actual trouble rather than just punishments that she's been getting out of since she was five."

Teddy considered his godfather for a moment. Harry's hair was more tangled than usual, and his silver framed glasses did little to conceal the purple shadows under his bloodshot eyes. He needed a break, of course he did – he was a workaholic, had been for as long as Teddy could remember. And he obviously hadn't wanted to come here, begging Teddy to look after his apparently uncontrollable sixteen-year-old daughter. Teddy sighed. He had survived much scarier propositions; he could certainly handle three months with Lily. "Fine, I'll take her. But make sure she knows how dangerous it'll be if she disobeys any of my rules."

Harry smiled, and some of the lines engraved on his face disappeared. "Thank you, Ted." As he stood to leave he added, "Lily's really…well, she's different from Al and James, but she's still wonderful, you know?"

Teddy bit back an involuntary snort of disbelief and nodded, standing to shake Harry's hand. "We'll be fine," he told his godfather, although he himself wasn't so sure of how true that statement was.

[x]

"You're going _where_?" Ris Parkinson lay across her best friend's bed, her head hanging over the edge so her lime green hair swept the floor inches from where Lily was digging through the space under a floorboard.

Lily pulled a canvas packet from its hiding place and peeked inside, nodding at the sight of glittering beetle eyes and tossing it into a pile of similar packages beside her trunk before responding. "To stay with Dad's godson, Teddy, in some Grecian forest. Apparently, they don't think I'm responsible enough to stay on my own."

Ris groaned. "Do you have any idea how boring this summer's going to be without you? Why didn't you tell me earlier? I would've gotten my mum to talk to yours and we could have arranged for you to stay with us."

"Sure, except you're planning on spending the whole summer at Hugo's." Lily reached for a glass bottle full of swirling green liquid and shook it slightly. When the powder at the bottom didn't spread up through the liquid, she sighed and dropped it back in the space. "And they don't trust me to stay with Hugo, either."

"But they didn't need to _know_ that I'm staying with Hugo. And why won't they trust you to stay with his parents? Or your Uncle George?"

"They all refused. I'm too much trouble for anyone to handle." Lily almost managed to keep the bitterness from her voice.

"What?" Ris jerked to a sitting position. "When have you ever given your family reason to think that?"

Lily shrugged. "Mum may or may not have found some potions in my wardrobe after winter holidays."

Ris's gray eyes didn't leave Lily's face, although the red-haired girl remained focused on sorting through her hidden ingredients. "And you didn't tell me this because…?"

"Well, I didn't think it was really a big deal. I thought they'd gotten over it. I mean, there were only two left over, thank Merlin, just two bottles of Dream Drops, so they thought that I was using them myself."

"Why is that a good thing?"

Lily laughed. "Imagine if they knew I was brewing these potions to _sell_ to people, that you and Hugo and I had invented them. Anyway, I tried to convince them that they weren't any different from Uncle George's daydream charms, but they think potions are much more dangerous since they're ingested. Dad compared them to some Muggle drug, pot or crack or something."

Ris sighed. "So now they think you're like a Muggle druggie? What possessed you to leave them in your wardrobe?"

"I forgot I hadn't sold all of them when we went to the Leaky that night. I explained to Mum and Dad that they weren't like drugs, but they wouldn't listen to me. Dad kept going on about some nonsense gateways and Mum just looked at me like I had betrayed her. But they don't know that you and Hugo are involved, so that's okay." Lily shrugged. "Besides, at least they're not forcing me to go visit James with them. Can you imagine how incredibly boring _that_ would be?"

"What makes you think staying with this Teddy will be any different?"

"Well, James and Al both like Teddy. The last time the family saw him I was traveling with you, but they all had a good time. They said he was cool. And when I was ten I basically worshiped him."

Ris rolled her eyes. "Oh, great, James, Al, and your ten year old self love him. May I remind you that when you were ten you also thought that spinach was the best flavor of Bertie Bott's and that thestrals were _cute_?"

"It's not like I could even see thestrals, so I don't know why you're still holding that against me. I'm trying to be positive about this whole deal, Ris. Will you just let me?"

"No, because a positive Lily is a stupid Lily, and you can't afford to be stupid. Especially since you're clearly bringing your entire stock of ingredients with you. Do you actually think you'll have time to brew any potions while you're there? Or that this Teddy won't know what you're doing?"

Lily scowled over her shoulder as she tucked scarves and jeans around the jars at the bottom of her trunk, so the glass wouldn't shatter and spill expensive (and rather disgusting) potions ingredients all over her things. "Maybe he will and maybe he won't. I don't want to risk leaving stuff at home and then have it turn out that I could have spent the summer working on our stock for next year. Besides, even if I can't make anything for PWP Potions, I could still work on my technique by brewing, like, shrinking solutions or something."

"You're joking. You'd want to spend your summer over a bloody cauldron making standard fourth year potions?" Ris shook her head, "No, don't answer that. I know you're crazy. I know you're a nerd. I should really stop being surprised by it."

"Just remember that my nerdiness has helped make you a fortune," Lily tugged a pile of neatly folded clothes towards her and began arranging them in her trunk. "Now, enough about me and my potions obsession – what are you planning on doing this summer, aside from my cousin, because I do _not_ want to hear about that."

"That reminds me," Ris laughed and rolled off the bed, snatching a bottle of the passion-red Touch Explosion from Lily's hiding place before kicking the floorboard back in place, "I really just came by to pick up one of these, Hugo and I are out." The potion had been the first that Lily and Hugo created for their joint Potter-Weasley Potions back in fourth year (soon changed to Potter-Weasley-Parkinson Potions), and although they had adjusted its contents over the last two years, the potion remained their company's most successful. A half-bottle enhanced the sensation of touch, so any feather-light brush across the skin was pure, pleasurable agony. Or so Lily had heard – she herself had still never tested it.

She glared over her shoulder at her best friend. "Sure, sure, and you won't miss me at all this summer."

"We'll miss the fact that you make a shitload of this stuff but never actually use any of it." Ris tucked the potion inside her bag and walked to the door. "See you tonight at Hugo's, right?"

"I'll be there," Lily promised, waving one hand over her shoulder as Ris closed the door softly behind her. Lily scowled into her neatly packed trunk and reached for her wand, tossing it in on top. Merlin knew why she was even bothering to bring it, it wasn't as if she would be able to use the bloody thing before the last week of the holidays, and by then her parents might have rescued her from this unjust exile. She sighed. No matter what she had told Ris, she was _not_ looking forward to spending the summer with her father's strange godson and his reclusive friends.

[x]

She wasn't what he had expected. He had expected…well, okay, so the last time he had seen her she had been ten. She had been full of fire and velocity – she had jumped from one person to the next, a bundle of arms and legs and freckled affection. When Harry had muttered that nonsense about finding some _stuff_ – obviously drugs – in his daughter's room, Teddy hadn't really had to stretch his imagination to see that ten-year-old all grown up, to imagine all that fire and passion poured into the teenage body of a girl who liked to party.

He had not expected ice. The girl who stepped out of the large fireplace in the kitchen, with her long red hair bound in a perfect braid down her back, her skin pale and her freckles barely visible, her makeup light and her eyes cool, she was not the natural extension of the ten year old he remembered. The dark jeans and the button down white shirt, the silver necklace and the simple emerald ring – they were not the outrageous clothes he had imagined. She flicked at the ash that clung to her sleeves and raised her gray eyes to meet his with an expression that looked an awful lot like derision. This girl was not wild, and her presence in his home was all the more terrifying because of it. In his line of work, Teddy had gotten used to the unexpected. But he did not like it.

"Hi." Lily's voice was level, not at all the young, high pitched squeals that he remembered.

Teddy forced a "Hi," from his own mouth and stepped across the kitchen, pulling his god-sister into the most-bloody-awkward hug of his life. It barely lasted a fraction of a second before she patted him on the back as if soothing a child and pulled away.

And because she _was_ a Potter, and no matter what Harry said or what Teddy saw, Lily was polite, she said, "So, thanks for taking me in. I know that you probably didn't want to."

Teddy was shit at lying. Trust Lily to force him to do it within two minutes of her arrival. "Don't be ridiculous, of course I wanted to. It's always nice to have a fresh face around here." She rolled her eyes, but at least he had tried, he reasoned as he flicked his wand at her trunk and began levitating it toward the narrow stairs opposite the fireplace. "This is the kitchen, obviously, there's a living room through there, and the basement's there," he waved his free hand at the two wooden doors set in the far wall. He led the way to the top of the cramped staircase and gestured down the short hallway to the farthest door, "That's your room, the one in the middle's the bathroom, which we'll have to share, but I promise I'm not terribly messy. This is my room." He nodded to the door closest to the stairs as he passed it, still levitating Lily's trunk ahead of him. He opened the door to her room and motioned for her to enter, which she did with some trepidation. It was small, as she had expected, with a few hooks for clothing on one wall and a small bed made up with a red quilt against the other. He set the trunk at the foot of the bed and turned. "I'll leave you up here to get settled. Do you want tea, or anything?"

"Coffee, if you have any?" She was already scanning the room, her eyes darting beneath the bed, examining the wooden floorboards, searching for a hiding place.

"Sure."

Lily watched Teddy leave. For some reason she remembered a slightly bookish Gryffindor, a young man completely infatuated with her cousin Victoire, a metamorphmagus whose hair never remained one color for longer than ten minutes. But this older Teddy's hair had been dark brown the entire time they were talking, with little strands of gold showing up every once in a while, whenever the light hit just right. His eyes hadn't skittered between black and gray, they were brown – warm brown, comforting brown, lovely brown. And when he had hugged her, she had felt strength in the arms that wrapped around her waist, solidity in the body that pressed against hers for an instant before she pulled away in discomfort. And it was odd, she thought as she flipped her trunk open, that she had pulled away from him because she wanted to press closer. Because she wanted to press her nose against his neck and inhale the scent of his soap and the faint smell of smoke, she had wanted to spread her hands across his back and lean her head against his shoulder. And that was positively ridiculous, because she hated being touched. She had for years, and everyone at home knew it. Her parents forced hugs on her every once in a while, but lately even they had stopped. So when this guy, who was basically a stranger, hugged her she should have burst straight out of her prickling skin and ran in the opposite direction. She figured that her reaction had something to do with the fact that the smoky scent lingering on his skin was the smell of a pewter cauldron just singed by flames burning beneath it, the smell that met her every time she began a new potion. That was it – he smelled like home, so obviously she wanted to get closer to him. He was certainly not _attractive_.

Just because she couldn't use magic didn't mean she couldn't keep her wand with her, so she plucked it from her trunk and slipped it into her jeans pocket as she looked around the room. The single shelf set above the hooks on the wall wouldn't even fit half her clothes – it seemed that she would be living out of her trunk this summer. She returned to the kitchen after hanging up a few sweatshirts and the two robes that she had brought with her to find Teddy pouring instant coffee into a mug.

"Sorry I don't have a coffee pot. Only a few people round here like the stuff."

Lily shrugged as he handed her the red ceramic cup. "Instant's fine. Don't worry about it."

Teddy gestured for her to sit down at the table, but she remained leaning against the counter, clutching the warm coffee in her hands and inhaling the dark steam as he watched her. They stood in awkward silence for what felt like ages before Teddy finally spoke, "How much has Harry told you about what I'm doing here?"

Lily grinned. She had been expecting this conversation the minute she came through the Floo, and was actually rather impressed that he had managed to hold off for so long. "We all know that you're working on a cure for lycanthropy."

"Right." The lack of emotion in her voice surprised Teddy – usually people were either disdainful or impressed with his chosen vocation. "But has he told you what that involves?"

"Lots of experiments, I'd imagine." Lily shrugged. "But he did tell me about the town, about how it's a type of refuge for werewolves." She risked a sip of the coffee and just managed to swallow the bitter liquid down without grimacing. "I do have some questions, though."

"Of course." Teddy had expected questions. He had expected her to ask whether it was safe to live there, whether the people acted wild when they weren't transformed, whether she'd have to leave when they were. Whether he'd make her interact with them. Those kinds of questions.

"Are you experimenting on all of them? Or did only a few volunteer? And I assume they all take Wolfsbane Potion at the full moon – who brews it?"

He stared at her. "You're not worried about being in a town inhabited entirely by werewolves?"

She laughed. "They're only dangerous once a month. And I imagine you don't go out running with them on the full moon."

"Obviously not."

"So, how do the experiments work?" Lily repeated. "And who makes the Wolfsbane?"

"Right, sorry. We've figured out a way to store Wolfsbane Potion – that was the initial goal of my research, actually. One of my friends from Hogwarts came out here and we spent the entire summer brewing the stuff, so now we've got enough to last the town a while. I tend to make more whenever I'm fed up with my experiments." There was a tightness around her lips that suggested she was getting impatient, so he hurriedly explained, "And no, not everyone is involved in them. I've currently got three volunteers – Josef, Anastasia, and Tomas. They come by during the full moon and I give them the potion and put them in three separate rooms in the basement. And then we wait."

"You don't give them the Wolfsbane?" Lily asked, then shook her head. "Of course, you can't. That Potion would interfere with the experimental one and then you'd never know what the results meant. So I'm taking it you haven't had much success?"

"Try none," Teddy responded. "Anyway, the point is, this can be a dangerous place to be, what with potions accidents and werewolves and a lot of bitter people. So you need to listen closely, Lily. You're not allowed out of the house during the full moon, and you are not allowed in the basement. Ever."

"What's in the basement? Other than when your friends are over during the full moon, I mean."

"It's where I brew the potions."

Her eyes were cold. "And why don't you want me down there?"

"Don't take offense, it's just, this is my work, you know? And there're sometimes rather dangerous accidents. I've got a system and if it gets messed up…well, I don't know what I'd do."

Lily sighed, "Fine."

"Okay, then." They remained silent for a few minutes, and then Teddy said, "I'll take you around to meet everyone when you're all set." He nodded to her coffee mug, and she tipped the drink back into her mouth and gulped it down.

"Ready." She grinned at him.

Lily followed Teddy outside through the small living room, where an overstuffed sofa and a ratty armchair sat in front of a large fireplace and overflowing bookshelves covered the other walls. The gray gravel of the front path led across a shaded yard into a deep forest. "We're pretty isolated out here, for obvious reasons," Teddy explained as he stepped off the stone path onto a dirt road and headed through the trees. "This is what we call Main Street, although obviously it's not really a street. But there's the store," he pointed as they passed a small stone shack with a wooden porch tacked onto the front, "the market," another stone building, without the porch, "and the pub, where everyone spends their evenings." This building had a wooden sign carved with a howling wolf hanging above the door. Teddy gestured Lily toward the entrance, and she glanced at him.

"Do they know who I am?" It was the first time since she had tumbled from his fireplace that Lily sounded unsure of herself, and Teddy was grateful for the slip, for any sign of emotion.

"They know you're my godfather's daughter. They don't know who my godfather is."

Teddy pushed the door open and when Lily muttered "Thank you," he suspected she didn't mean just for holding the door.

"Sure." He followed her into the building as the group of people crowded around the counter turned to look at them.

"Teddy!" A tall man with dreadlocks and dirt smeared across both cheeks stood from his stool, waving wildly. "Look who's finally coming out in the daytime. I was just saying to Julia that I thought you might have turned into a vampire, the amount we see you outside of that cottage of yours."

"And I was just telling him that we should let you do whatever you want, seeing as how you're trying to figure out how to save all of our sorry wolfy arses," a small blonde woman added.

"Who's this?" An older man stood behind the bar, filling a glass with amber liquid, and his eyes were trained on Lily's face.

She gripped her forearm as the collective focus shifted from Teddy to her, and she tried to stop fidgeting under their stares. "Oh, you're Lily, right?" The blonde one, who Lily figured was Julia, asked.

Lily forced a smile to her lips, forced her eyes to meet the other woman's. "Yeah. It's good to meet you all."

They all stayed seated, eyeing her as if waiting for her to react in some way. This was an unconscious test, she knew, something they'd all do when they met someone who knew about them. It wasn't intentional, the way they were watching her as if they might need to attack her – it was instinctual, forced by years of people judging and cursing and hating them. So she stepped forward, across the room, away from Teddy, and held out her hand to the man who had first spoken when they entered.

"I'm Lily."

She hadn't thought he'd pull her into a hug, but then she never really expected hugs. "Hello, Lily. I'm Tomas."

And then the others were hugging her too, and she tried not to act as if she hated having them touch her, but she must have failed miserably because when Julia released her she whispered, "Nice show, but you're horribly tense."

Teddy came to her rescue. "She acted that way when I hugged her, too. Apparently they're still as anti-touch over in England as they were back in the Middle Ages." The others laughed and Lily found herself seated at a stool, with a Diet Coke in front of her and the people shooting questions at her as if they needed to know her entire past immediately.

The inevitable question came from a gray-haired witch Teddy had introduced as Tanya, who had left Hogwarts more than forty years before. "What house are you in?" She looked genuinely curious, which confused Lily for a moment before she remembered that no one here knewher_._ She was used to that question being phrased a different way. People always asked, "You're a Gryffindor, right?" or sometimes, "How do you like being in Gryffindor?" She couldn't remember the last time someone had thought of any other house as a possibility for her.

Over the years, she had learned the proper way to respond to this question, in whatever presumptuous way it was formed. She had learned that if she hesitated before speaking, if she smiled, if she apologized, they'd think that she was ashamed of being who she was. She had learned that she had to meet the questioner's gaze, that she had to keep her voice steady, had to keep her face clear of the defensive anger that ran through her veins, and that when she spoke the word she needed to ignore the inevitable double take, and try not to be offended when the questioner's lips curled in distaste. Try not to blast them to pieces when they apologized, like they were _sympathetic to her bloody plight_ or something equally ridiculous. But even now, as she said "Slytherin," she couldn't keep the coolness of a slight challenge from her tone.

Teddy turned to look at her in surprise, and she wondered what her father had told Teddy about her in the last six years, if he hadn't known _that _rather important bit of information. But the others nodded, and Tanya smiled. "You lot still got a nasty reputation around school?"

Lily shrugged. "Nasty enough. Not particularly deserved, but we use it to our advantage." The grin that curved her lips might have been a little forced, but the people surrounding her chuckled, and then the man behind the counter – Cole – asked her what she did for fun and they were through with the uncomfortable questions.

When they left the bar three hours later, Lily had a decent sketch of the town (if you could call it that) structure. Cole owned the bar, and therefore was the de facto leader, and Julia was his girlfriend, Tomas kept things lighthearted and Tanya added some much needed seriousness to the group, while the scarred Stanley overcompensated for his disfiguration by being overly loud and obnoxious, and the pretty Trish was absolutely silent.

As they left the pub Teddy said, "That was the main group, but we've got about a hundred living here. A lot of werewolves have spent their lives being shunned, so by the time they get here they're more content just being on their own, or hanging out with one or two others. Those," he jerked his head back at the small building, "are the obvious exception."

Lily smiled. "They're fun. I was wondering though, why weren't Anastasia and Josef there? Tomas is one of your subjects, right? I kind of thought that they'd all be at the center of that group."

"Why?" Teddy pushed open the door to his cottage and Lily followed him inside as he waved his wand at the fireplace in the living room and cheerful orange flames sent shadows flitting across the walls.

"Well, I mean, to commit yourself to an experiment like yours – it takes guts. And that type of guts, well, the really brave people are usually outgoing, aren't they?" It was certainly a true statement at Hogwarts, anyway. Gryffindors were forever getting into trouble because they just would _not_ shut up.

Teddy laughed. "Like I said, it's all a bit strange here. But these people, they're dedicated to not being werewolves anymore." He tossed his coat over the couch and crossed the room, heading into the kitchen. Lily followed slowly. "Think about it. Those ones in the pub, they're mostly resigned to their fate. They've learned to make the best of what's happened to them, they're mostly over being bitter about it. The ones who really want a cure, who are willing to go through horribly painful transformations, to die over and over again for a cure, they're the ones who haven't adjusted at all. That's what Anastasia and Josef are like – they're the most reclusive people in town. It's Tomas who's really the anomaly."

Lily nodded slowly. "That's sad, though. Do you ever think you want to leave here, go somewhere happier, even just for a little while?"

Teddy shook his head. "This is where I belong. It's where I've chosen to live, and I like it here. They're good people, for the most part." He eyed her critically for a moment, a slight smile curving his lips. "So, Slytherin, huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "Merlin, I would have thought that someone would have filled you in on that sometime in the last six years. Are you sure they never mentioned it?"

"I think I'd remember. One of the great Potters, defecting to the house of all evil. What'd your dad say when it happened?"

Lily laughed. "He and Mum sent me an owl saying that they were proud of me no matter where I was, of course. James was the real problem. I mean, Al was all, 'I don't get it, Lil, the Hat lets you choose.' But in the end he let it go. James, though. He might be why Mum and Dad never mentioned it to you – he still likes to pretend that I'm not a Slytherin." She tugged at her braid, uncomfortable with Teddy's attention fully focused on her. "It wasn't like that at first, though. He dated a girl from Slytherin for a while, and then she slept with one of my friends, and when I didn't desert him immediately…well, James thought that I chose my house over my family." Lily smiled sheepishly. "Which I guess I kind of did. Anyway, he decided to do the same."

"So that's why you're not visiting him with your parents? I was wondering."

"Yeah, that's why." She examined her fingernails for a brief moment, then added, "I'm not ashamed, you know."

"Not ashamed of what?" Teddy had pulled some containers from the icebox, and he directed his wand toward the cupboard, and seven different spices came whirling from it.

"Of being in Slytherin." She kept the defensiveness out of her tone this time. "Or of being a Potter."

Teddy nodded. "I never thought you were. About the Potter thing, though." He looked at her for a long moment. "I got the impression that you didn't want anyone to know who you were, and I fully understand. Actually, it's best if no one does know who you are. I've kept my godfather's identity a secret, and my father's, as well."

"Why?"

"A lot of the werewolves who live here, they weren't on our parents' side in the war. I mean, you've heard all the old stories, right? About Greyback and all the werewolves that sided with Voldemort, because he offered them more freedom, or some other bullshit like that."

"Yeah, I've heard them." Lily thought of the scars that spread across her Uncle Bill's face, that creased whenever he laughed, thought of how Vic and Dom and Louis used to curse kids who mocked their disfigured father. "So some of the werewolves here sided with him?" A lot of her friends' parents had too, but that didn't mean that Lily was any nearer to understanding the motivation behind such a choice.

"Most of them either supported Voldemort or avoided the whole matter altogether. It's not as if any of them have lingering hard feelings – they admit that he was a madman easily enough – but they might expect _us_ to. And I need them to trust me in order to continue working out a potion." He looked thoughtful for a moment before adding, "And you'll probably have a better time here if they're not afraid of you."

She nodded. "Not that I can really picture any of them being afraid of me. Angry, sure. But afraid? It doesn't seem likely."

He grinned. "You were good with them. If you had come in glaring, they'd have been afraid of what you could do to them and this place, if you chose to. They might've disguised it as anger, but it would have been terror." Teddy poured some salt from one cupped hand into a pot on the stove and directed a stirring charm at the simmering stew. "I'm actually surprised with how well you handled it all."

Lily shrugged. "They're just people who're used to being judged. No different from you or me, if you get down to it. Of course I was good with them."

"Of course you were. You know, when you first came out of that fireplace, I thought there was no way you could be a Potter – you seemed so different from the rest of your family. But you keep saying things that make it clear there's no way you could be anyone else."

Lily wasn't sure whether to be pleased or disgusted with this simple assessment, so she chose to remain silent, watching as Teddy ladled the stew into two bowls and sent them, along with a salad and two butterbeers, floating toward the table.

After taking a few bites of the sadly mediocre stew, Lily offered, "I can help out around the house, you know. Cooking, cleaning, whatever. I don't want to be a burden at all."

Teddy laughed. "Not a fan of my whatever's-in-the-icebox-stew?"

"Honestly? Not particularly. But I really do want to help out." Otherwise she might go insane with boredom, especially since he didn't seem inclined to allow her near a cauldron for the whole three months of summer. She wondered if it was possible to go through brewing-withdrawal. It probably was.

"That'd be great, then. I've gotten used to less-than-passable cooking, though, so I might die if you make something that actually tastes good."

Lily grinned. "Well, I am a fantastic cook. You should probably watch out."

Teddy grimaced as he took another bite of stew. "At this point, I think that if you cooked even a tenth as well as the Hogwarts house elves, I might worship you."

"Better erect a shrine in my honor, then." Lily's voice was bright, cheerful, and Teddy wondered for a moment where the ice had gone, and then he asked about Hagrid and Lily began telling him a story about some creature the man had somehow bred called a flesh-eating flobberworm, and he was laughing too hard to even think about anything other than the smile on her mouth or the glint of humor in her eyes.

One week later Teddy's jeans were starting to feel a bit tight around the waist. As poor as his own cooking was, it had apparently been an effective weight loss technique. With Lily cooking three solid meals a day, he found that it was impossible to _not_ be full. And sometimes a cake pan overflowing with heavenly chocolate cake or an apple tart or delicious cookies would appear on the counter and he couldn't stop himself from snatching some whenever he passed through the kitchen, which also happened more often than usual. He left his potions more and more frequently, anxious to be sure that Lily was fine, that she wasn't too bored, until she snapped at him for interrupting her reading or note-taking or baking or, one day, tea with Tomas, and sent him scurrying back to the basement.

He came upstairs Sunday evening to find Lily and Anastasia laughing in the kitchen – Anastasia, who only left her house on the full moon – standing in his kitchen _talking_ to his god-sister.

"Hey, Teddy, try this." Lily tossed him a roll, and he bit into the still-warm dough, moaning involuntarily as cinnamon flooded his taste-buds.

"See?" Lily spoke to Ana, "I told you they were brilliant." She turned back to Teddy. "She brought them over as a welcome gift. Aren't they wonderful?"

Teddy nodded, Ana's actions rendering him just as speechless as the deliciousness of the cinnamon bun.

"You should stay for dinner." Lily grabbed a pot from the stove and simultaneously tugged the oven door open, pulling a bundle of tin foil from the rack with practiced hands.

"Oh, really, I should be getting home. I just wanted to come say hi, before I invade your home on the full moon." Ana was already backing toward the door, her slender fingers weaving explanations through the air, her gray hair swinging forward to hide her scarred face.

"Nonsense. Come, sit down." Lily gestured at the table. "Please."

"I'd do what she says, Ana," Teddy regained his ability to talk. "I've learned that she becomes insufferable if you don't."

"Are you sure? I didn't mean to impose." But the woman had crossed the room and sat at the table.

Lily laughed. "You're not imposing; I always make more food than we could possibly eat. Besides, I bet that Teddy will be glad to have someone other than me to talk to."

"Yeah, you get pretty boring to be around after, like, ten seconds." Teddy joked, rolling his eyes as Lily sent him a fake glare over the plates that she was carrying to the table. It was funny, though, that he wasn't sick of Lily yet. They'd spent more time together over the last week than Teddy had spent with anyone in years, and yet he found himself wanting to see her more, to find out what she thought about different decisions he was making with the potions, to ask her opinion on his experiments. But he refused to do more than consider that – he didn't want to get her involved in something that he sometimes thought even he was too young to deal with.

Ana visibly relaxed during dinner; Teddy had never seen her talk so easily, had never noticed the way her eyes sparkled when people spoke to her. Maybe, he realized as he crunched into a sliced cucumber, he had never seen because nobody had ever really talked to her. Maybe everyone had just assumed that because she didn't make the first move, she didn't want to talk with anyone. Everyone had assumed that she wanted to be on the outskirts of the group.

But from the way she was talking to Lily, as Teddy tried to think of something clever to say, they had been wrong in their assumptions. She was talking just as much as Tomas and it wasn't like she was boring.

He tensed when Lily asked toward the end of the meal, "So what made you decide to join in on Teddy's experiment? From what he tells me, it's kind of painful."

The older woman grinned. "'Kind of' is the understatement of the year. I went through my whole childhood being chained up when I transformed, I've never taken Wolfsbane." Teddy bit back the shocked noise that rose involuntarily in his throat at that. Her life had to have been a series of nightmares. She continued, either not noticing or choosing not to respond to his reaction, "So when I came here, and I learned that I could either take Wolfsbane or join Teddy's experiment, the decision was easy. I could go on as I had been, except I could actually make a difference by transforming. I don't know what I'm missing, you know, so the transformation doesn't bother me as much as it could. Besides," and she smiled, a real smile that Teddy had never expected to see on her face, "Teddy's 'Transformation Rooms,' as he calls them, are kind of fun, once you get past the actual turning-into-a-wolf bit."

Teddy laughed. "Yeah, well, I did ask a werewolf to design them for me."

"And it shows." Ana turned back to her food, then asked Lily, "So what're you really doing here? Just keeping Teddy company in the summer?"

Lily shrugged. "My dad sent me here so Teddy could look after me while they're visiting my brother. I didn't really want to come, and Teddy didn't really want me to come, but turns out we're positively made for each other." She winked at him over her bottle of butterbeer. "Right, love?"

"Soul mates. Knew it from the moment I saw you." He and Lily laughed, but Ana remained silent.

"You know, when you get to be my age," she yawned, covering her mouth with a hand streaked with ridged scars, "You see so many things you don't expect that the unexpected becomes commonplace."

Lily raised an eyebrow at her. "You sound like my Divination professor. Except I don't _think_ you're batshit crazy."

"Well, that's nice of you. I don't think there are many people who would agree with you there." She pushed back from the table. "Would you like help cleaning up?"

"Oh, no, we're all set." Teddy stood too. "Thanks for staying, Ana."

"Come by again whenever, all right?" Lily looked slightly uncomfortable as she began gathering the dishes. "And I'm sorry if I offended you at all. I sometimes don't think before I talk." The apology sounded strange coming from her lips.

"Oh, I don't offend easily. I'm just getting tired – my bedtime was an hour ago. Please, Lily, you stop by." She glanced at her watch, "Before eight, that is. Teddy can tell you how to get to my house."

Teddy nodded as Lily said, "I will. Thank you."

Ana waved before disappearing out the door. "She's funny." Lily turned to the sink, flicking it on and pouring too much dish soap into the stream running from the faucet. Teddy had noticed that she enjoyed playing with the foam, blowing it into little mountains and valleys and sending it puffing through the kitchen toward him when he tried to read at the table. "You said she's more reclusive than the others, though?"

"Usually," Teddy said, flicking his wand at the dishes as Lily set them in the dish rack so they dried immediately before he put them away. "That was the most I'd ever heard her talk. I was surprised to see her here."

"I think she was nervous about meeting me for the first time at a full moon. Which is ridiculous, but it was good to meet her." Lily yawned, tugging the plug from the sink and watching as the suds sunk against its stainless steel sides. "I wanted to show you something."

"Sure." Teddy settled at the table, his books spread out in front of him, and Lily crossed the room to the table by the oversized fireplace, where scattered slips of scribbled-on parchment revealed that she still hadn't returned any of her parents' Floo calls. For the past week she had managed to be taking a walk or in the shower or behind her locked bedroom door when they called, and Teddy had given up trying to force her to call them back. She lifted a notebook from the table, completely ignoring all the messages from her family, and returned to the table, sitting down beside him and sliding the spiral-bound notebook across its surface to him. He lifted it and raised an eyebrow at her.

"I've been doing a bit of reading, from your collection," she nodded toward the living room, "on lycanthropy. And I started taking notes, since a lot of those books looked as if you hadn't had the time to even open them. I thought this might help you. The first part's got potions ingredients and their known effects on werewolves, the second part talks about different reactions, and the third is a summary of the centuries it took for Wolfsbane to be developed. Which you might know already, but maybe not in as much detail. The process is bloody fascinating."

Teddy stared at her for three breathless seconds. Then he laughed. "You know it's summer holidays, yeah?"

"I like reading, all right? Leave it be." Lily scowled at him, and he shook his head, still chuckling.

"Sorry, Lils. You're right, you're right, that's rude of me." He grew serious, flipping more slowly through the notebook. "This will be really useful. Thank you."

"I can help more, if you'd like," she offered hesitantly. "I mean, do more specialized research, or whatever."

"Yeah," Teddy murmured without thinking, already drawn into her notes, "Yeah, that'd be a big help, actually."

Lily grinned, already plotting her transition from researcher to potions brewer, and stood up, ruffling Teddy's brown hair as she headed toward the stairs. "I'm going up to take a shower, and then I think I'm going to go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"You know," Teddy called, glancing at his watch, "if you wait two more minutes you'll be able to talk to your parents when they Floo call."

Lily sent a laugh over her shoulder. "Hmm, yeah, tell them I'll get back to them."

Teddy rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. Water began rushing through the pipes above him at the same moment that the fire flared green and James's face appeared in it. "Mum and Dad asked me to Floo, since they're out for dinner." He spoke to Teddy's feet before Teddy managed to cross the room and drop before the brown-haired Potter.

"Good to see you, too, James." Teddy said, and James flushed guiltily.

"Sorry. Hi, Teddy."

"You in a rush to be somewhere?"

"I've got a date in a few minutes. Can you just tell Lily to actually call us, this time? I think Mum and Dad are starting to worry, and I don't feel like dealing with them."

"I've been telling her, but I'll try again." Teddy sighed, shaking his head. "You'd better get going, don't want to miss your date."

"Yeah." James hesitated. "Teddy?"

"What's up?"

"Is Lily okay? I mean, really? I haven't been the best brother in the past, but the way Mum and Dad are worrying about her…well, she's still my sister, you know?"

Teddy nodded. "Yeah, she's good. And I'm not just saying that. She seems happy, James. I think she's just grateful for the break from your parents, to be honest."

"Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. Thanks, Teddy." And then the fire was back to its ordinary color. Teddy rubbed his face tiredly and got to his feet, glancing at the books piled on the table before heading toward the stairs. He'd give himself an early night, he decided. He deserved it, he was sure. Who knew, maybe he'd actually have a breakthrough this month.

He reached the top of the stairs at the same time that Lily left the bathroom, hurrying through a wall of steam toward her bedroom. He stopped moving, staring for the briefest instant before she disappeared into her room. How had he not noticed before how absolutely gorgeous she was? Her pale shoulder blades, the freckles that disappeared beneath the line of the towel, the way her legs went on to infinity – how had he not seen how perfect she was?

Because, a little voice murmured, as he shut the door to his bedroom and leaned against it, shutting his eyes and trying to force away the images that danced in his imagination, he wasn't _supposed_ to look at a girl eleven years younger than him, at his god-sister, at Harry's daughter, and think anything at all about her. Except, maybe, that she was goddamn intelligent. And had a nice laugh. And a smile that could take your breath away. And…oh, fuck it. Teddy collapsed on his bed, pulled a pillow over his face and cursed his mind for being so unbearably _twisted_.

And when he woke up two hours later, from a dream where those endless legs were wrapped around his waist and those smiling lips were pressed against his neck and those freckles were receiving the attention of his teeth and his tongue – well, he would have wished for a way to Scourgify his mind, if the images it had conjured weren't so (disgustingly) perfect.

He tugged out his wand and shattered a vase holding a single Charmed flower that Ginny had sent him for his twenty-fifth birthday, not caring if he woke Lily up. It was her fault that he was awake and bloody pissed after all, completely her fault for being so unknowingly desirable.

Lily was already awake when she heard the crash from down the hall, and she considered going to see whether he was okay. But when no further noises came down the hallway, except for a few shouted "fuck"s, she figured everything was all right. Besides, she was stretched on her stomach, her head stuffed beneath her pillow, her eyes shut, trying to force images of Teddy from her mind.

It was just, she reasoned, that all the guys at school were either bastards or related to her, so she couldn't have thought about any of them like this. And yeah, that was a cruel generalization, but whatever. There had to be a reason, other than the fact that Teddy's body was bloody perfect (and okay, not that she'd gotten a glimpse further than his tanned forearms when he rolled his sleeves up and his fairly extraordinary arse in his unfortunately loose jeans, but that was _enough_), and the fact that his eyes sent thrills through her veins and his laugh made her stomach twist in a pleasant but annoying way. So she settled on him being different.

But then, Tomas was different. Very different, and he was also undeniably attractive, and she didn't feel a thing for him. Bloody Teddy and his bloody forearms and her bloody inability to sleep. She rolled out from under her pillow and scrabbled beneath her bed for a moment before she tugged a glowing violet sleeping potion – one of PWP's finest – and tossed it back in one long gulp, sliding the bottle back beneath her bed before crawling back beneath the covers and finally dropping asleep.

Teddy was in the basement the next morning when she woke up, a note tacked to the door saying that he'd be down there all day, probably, so she might want to go out and find something to do. She shot an angry glare at the closed door, wishing for the millionth time that she could just open it and walk downstairs and just watch him work. Even that might be enough to cure her need for potions.

And maybe, she realized, maybe she could. She could just open the door and go down the steps and watch him work. Because, well, what was stopping her? The fear of being found out? She had her father's (then James's, then Al's, and now her) invisibility cloak upstairs in her trunk, so really, why not?

Her decision made, she gulped down her coffee and dropped the mug in the sink, then took the stairs two at a time and tugged the cloak from the bottom of her trunk. She swung it over her shoulders and silently offered thanks for her lack of height as she hurried back down the stairs and very, very cautiously opened the door to the basement.

The stairs descended sharply, hitting the cement floor about a foot before the wall, so Lily knew she hadn't run the risk of Teddy seeing the open door. She slipped onto the first step and silently shut the door behind her, then crept down the stairs until she could see the basement over the railing.

Teddy stood with his back to her, a cauldron stewing in front of him and a long table covered with ingredients to his right. A whiteboard covered the back wall, blue with Teddy's messy scribble, and shelves made up the other two walls – potions ingredients in glittering glass containers created a backdrop for Teddy's work. Four doors were set in between the shelves, and Lily figured that they led to the "Transformation Rooms." Several other cauldrons sat around the space, each labeled with a number hovering above its steaming potion.

Lily considered herself an able potions maker. But Teddy – Merlin, when Teddy worked, it was as if he was channeling magic. His hands, as they sliced the caterpillar, were controlled, controlled and lovely as his right hand carefully segmented the creature and his left collected the pieces and sprinkled them into the potion. And then he turned to a bottled liquid, which Lily thought was dandelion milk, but she couldn't be sure, and plucked the cork from the top with his talented teeth and dribbled just a few drops into the cauldron before setting it back down and rolling his shoulders back as he stirred the potion, once, twice…she was completely mesmerized.

He stopped after seven clockwise and six counterclockwise stirs and reached for a handful of cherries, which he began chopping. He was muttering to himself, something like, "Stop bloody thinking and fucking concentrate," which made no sense to Lily but she agreed with the sentiment when she realized that he had grabbed one of the pits when he collected the juicy pieces from the table and was about to toss it into the potion. She made an involuntary noise, a cross between a gasp and a "fuck", and he whirled around, his hand squeezing the cherries so the juice dribbled over his fingers.

His eyes scanned the staircase. "Who's there?" And then he scowled. "Lily, I swear to Merlin, if you have your father's invisibility cloak…"

She wondered if she could slip back upstairs without him knowing, if he would assume that he had just been imagining things. And then he was at the foot of the stairs and there was no way she could escape, so she sighed and shrugged the robe from her shoulders.

He didn't look particularly surprised when she appeared on the steps, but he did look horribly disappointed. And angry, angrier than she had seen anyone since her mother and father confronted her about the potions over winter hols. His lips were pressed in a narrow line, his eyes dark, dark brown, his hair darkening rapidly, and his hands clenched, juice running from his left, looking almost like blood as it fell thickly to the floor.

Lily inhaled deeply. "You were about to put a cherry pit in. Which, when combined with segmented caterpillars and dandelion milk, would have exploded."

He opened his left hand glanced down at it, frowning at the pit that was stuck to his palm. But when he raised his eyes to hers again he looked, if it was possible, even angrier.

"Go upstairs, Lily. Don't leave. I will meet you up there in five minutes." He turned without looking at her again, and she exhaled slowly, her clammy hand clutching her invisibility cloak as she slowly went back up the steps and into the kitchen.

At least neither of them had died in an explosion. But as Lily remembered the fire burning in Teddy's voice, the livid spark in his dark eyes, she decided that wasn't much of a consolation.

**A/N:** I appreciate reviews!


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter._

Chapter Two  
"My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." – Jack Kerouac

He hadn't been this angry since Stanley had lied about taking the experimental potions, back when the imbecile werewolf had been new and even more idiotic. Actually, Teddy realized as he Vanished his ruined potion, he hadn't even been this pissed then. That stupid, _stupid_ girl. She could have gotten killed. And never mind that he might have gotten both of them killed if she hadn't come downstairs – he never would have made such a careless mistake if he hadn't been distracted by her bloody there-ness in the first place.

He took ten very slow breaths before turning to walk upstairs, waving his wand at the door as he shut it, hearing the lock click with satisfaction. She wouldn't be getting past _that_.

Lily stood at the counter, her head bowed so her hair swung forward to shield her face. She didn't say anything as he crossed the room to stand by the table.

"Tell me, Lily. Tell me the two rules I told you – the only two restrictions I placed on you while you're living here." His voice was low, deeper than usual, angry the way _he_ got angry – calmly, derisively – not fiery, not passionately – but his anger was terrifying for its calmness.

Lily didn't seem terrified, though. She turned to face him, her eyes meeting his with calm, cool derision of her own. "To stay in the house during the full moon and to never go in the basement."

"Good, at least your memory still works. So then, would you care to tell me what you were _doing_ in the basement?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you sorry I was there? You realize I just saved your life, right?"

He shook his head. "That doesn't change the fact that you explicitly disobeyed me. So, explain."

Lily sighed. "I was curious."

"Really? You don't strike me as the type to risk everything for curiosity."

"What am I risking, Teddy? Are you going to send me home? Ground me here, where there's nothing to do anyway?"

He stared at her – there were worse things in the world than being punished. "I thought your dad was mistaken about you. I thought you were more mature than this, more mature than your age and certainly more mature than Harry made you seem." Teddy shook his head. "I was wrong. I should have known – Harry Potter doesn't make mistakes."

Lily's eyes shut for an instant, and Teddy glimpsed a flash of anger before she schooled her face back to its usual icy mask. But when she said, "No, I guess he doesn't," her voice wasn't angry so much as hurt.

"Obviously I can't let you out alone after this. And I'll be taking your invisibility cloak." He held out a hand, and she very, very slowly relinquished the liquid cloth to him. "Before you do anything in the house, you need to clear it with me, and if you want to see someone, they need to come here."

Lily scowled. "I am _not _a child."

"Then why did you act like one? No, you are not allowed to argue this. You are on house arrest until I decide that I can trust you again."

"That's such bullshit, Teddy."

"I don't give a damn what you think of it. This is a dangerous place, and I will not have you risking yourself or my friends simply because you think that you are somehow better than the rules I've made to keep everyone safe."

"I don't think I'm better than – " she began, but Teddy cut her off.

"I don't want to hear it. I need to go meet with Tomas about something. You had better be here when I get back." He turned before he left the kitchen. "And call your family, would you? I'm tired of making up excuses for you."

And then Lily was alone again, feeling the way she had back when she was sorted into Slytherin and James was watching her with those disappointed eyes, back when her parents first accused her of using drugs – feeling as if she was drowning in shame. She rubbed a hand over her face and cursed her bloody stupidity and her inability to keep away from the simmering promise of potions.

She bit the inside of her cheek until she knew she'd have a bump there, and wondered, as she often did, what her life would be like if she were in Gryffindor. If people thought that her actions were due to (idiotic) bravery rather than (deceptive) cunning, would they accept them as simple teenage adventurousness? Would they think _oh, that Lily, always breaking rules_ with a kind of amused fondness, rather than the constant disappointment that laced her parents' and brothers' and now Teddy's voices?

He had ordered her to Floo her parents, but Lily figured that she was liable to explode at them if they even hinted that they suspected that she might have done anything against the rules since arriving, so she crossed the room to the icebox and pressed her head against its cool door. Maybe, she thought, Teddy would get over it soon. After all, she had saved his life. But then she thought of the dark anger in his eyes and she realized that maybe he wouldn't forgive her, ever.

But she had to do _something_, so she set to work on her Mission: Make-Teddy-See-Reason. She cleaned the entire kitchen the Muggle way, sweeping under cabinets and drawers, discovering dust bunnies that had likely been breeding for longer than she'd been alive, and old shopping lists with potions ingredients and mundane things like _milk_, _butterbeer_, _**firewhiskey**_ scribbled on them. Lily tossed it all in the bin and glanced at the clock on the wall – now disrobed of its cobwebs and perfectly visible – and realized that it might be the best time to try calling her family. The cleaning had calmed her enough that the thought didn't send fire burning through her veins, and there was always that old cliché – sooner rather than later and all that bloody nonsense.

She grabbed a fistful of Floo powder and tossed it into the low flames before sticking her head in and spitting James's address into a mouthful of fire. A seemingly well-furnished hardwood floored room appeared in front of her and she waited a few silent minutes before calling, "Mum, Dad? James? It's Lily."

She heard the stomping of footsteps somewhere above her and soon her brother's bare feet came into sight. "Lil!" He dropped to the floor and grinned at her through an awful beard.

"Merlin, James, what've you _done_ to your face?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's good to see you too, little sis. It's been a while."

"And apparently you've gotten attacked by some sort of hair-growth monster in the last several months. Why on earth did you decide to grow that thing?"

"Honestly, Lils. It's just a beard. I didn't think it looked awful."

"Have you seen a mirror?" And then she bit her lip, because James actually looked _hurt. _"Sorry, no, you're right. It doesn't look that bad. I was just surprised."

James raised an eyebrow at her. "Sure. Thanks for saying it, though. So, what's up? How're Greece and Teddy and all that?"

"It's good. I've just been hanging out, mostly. Reading and cooking and stuff. Teddy's good too. How're you? Broken any good curses lately?"

"Not really. I've mostly been taking Mum and Dad around. They're starting to get used to being here, thank Merlin, so I think I'll be able to get back to my usual schedule soon."

"That's good. Are they around?"

He shook his head. "No, they just went out for breakfast. I'll let them know you got back to us, though. They'll be happy."

"Sure." Lily felt suddenly uncomfortable – she hadn't had a real conversation with James in far, far too long. But she wasn't particularly anxious to revive their childhood camaraderie. "Look, I should probably get going, but it was good seeing you."

"Yeah, you too," James said as Lily pulled her head from the fire and leaned back on her heels, staring up at the ceiling and trying to shake off the clinging feeling of awkwardness.

She stood slowly, rubbing at her knees and glancing around the now-clean kitchen. It was time to start on the living room.

Teddy arrived home several hours later to find Lily outside, a spray bottle and cloth in her hand, scrubbing at the windowpanes. He stood watching her for a few minutes before saying, "I forgive pretty easily, Lil. You didn't need to overturn the house."

She glanced over her shoulder at him, a look in her eyes that he couldn't quite decipher. "I'm not trying to get you to forgive me. I was bored, and I figured that if I'm going to be staying in this house for the whole summer I might as well make it livable."

"Excuse me?" He walked to the front door and leaned against it, so he was facing her. "I consider my home plenty livable, thank you."

"Yes, well, you didn't have to battle the dust bunnies this morning."

Teddy chuckled. "Thanks for cleaning, Lily."

She smiled at him. "Like I said, I did it more for me than for you. But you're welcome. By the way," she added, as he opened the door, "I Flooed my parents. I spoke to James, but you can stop worrying about me getting back to them."

"Oh, good. How was he?"

Lily shrugged. "He grew a beard. It looks terrible."

Teddy laughed again. "I'm betting you told him that, too."

"Well, I _was_ shocked and horrified." Lily scrubbed at a particularly sticky smear on the glass and Teddy shook his head.

"You're such a charmer."

"I know." She grinned at him. "So, you forgive me?"

He nodded. "Like I said, I don't hold grudges. You're still grounded, or whatever, though."

"Of course," she hesitated, "But you still want my help researching, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I could still use your help." He had shown Tomas Lily's notes that morning, and the older man had been impressed. He had also scolded Teddy for not having organized his notes in a similar manner years before.

"Thank you." She smiled at him. "I reorganized the living room, just so you know."

He closed his eyes. "Lily, I do not do well with change. How will I find my favorite chair?"

"Your _only_ chair, you mean?"

"Yes, that one."

"I have a feeling you'll be fine." She moved to the next window and Teddy disappeared inside. When he didn't shout that she'd completely ruined his life, she figured he was all right with the change.

Teddy wasn't really sure how he had survived without Lily's research before – he couldn't know if it was doing any real good, since they couldn't test the potions until the full moon, but her copious amounts of notes made him _feel_ as if he was actually accomplishing something, and that, at least, was better than his usual state of general hopelessness.

He only managed to keep her on house arrest for five days – it was impossible to maintain his resolve with her there all the time, looking at him and being herself and making him laugh and…well, she had saved his life, after all, so it wasn't really fair to keep punishing her for it. He did keep her invisibility cloak; he didn't quite trust her enough to give that back, yet.

It wasn't as if she went out all that often even once she was free to do so – she spent her mornings with him and her afternoons with Ana. Lily had discovered that the older woman grew herbs that she rarely used for anything other than cooking, but which could be quite valuable in potions making. Lily started bringing them home, keeping some for herself under the assumption that she might, eventually, be allowed to brew something, and giving the rest to Teddy.

It had been three weeks since her arrival, though, and more than a week since her restrictions had ended, and Teddy didn't seem any nearer to letting her in the basement than he had before her stupid mistake. She hadn't given up hope, although at this point she was about ready to illegally conjure a cauldron and put it over the fire in the kitchen, just to be able to make some sort of potion. But she could wait a little longer, anyway.

Ana and Lily usually returned to Teddy's cottage for dinner, but this evening Lily was alone, cradling jars of crushed herbs as she walked home. She kicked the front door open with a practiced punt to the left corner, and stepped through the living room, surprised to hear low voices coming from the kitchen. Lily had thought that Teddy was planning on spending the day in the basement.

But then she opened the door to the kitchen and it didn't so much matter that someone was there; it mattered _who_ was there. She just barely managed to avoid sending the glass jars tumbling to a shattered mess on the floor when her eyes met his over Teddy's brown head. Teddy sat with his back to her, and he continued talking as the man across from him raised his eyes in shock to Lily's.

"Potter?" His voice was lower, raspier than Lily remembered, but then, the last time she had seen Sebastian Nott she had been fourteen and he had been sixteen, and apparently a lot can change in two years.

Teddy stopped speaking and turned to look at Lily, but for once she wasn't paying any attention to him. She carefully placed the jars on the counter and crossed to stand in front of Nott.

"What are you doing here?" It was a stupid question, one that she regretted the instant it fell from her lips.

He rolled his dark eyes at her. "Honestly, Potter?" He waved one hand at his pale face, marked with scars that ran from his right ear down his cheek and across the bridge of his nose down to the left side of his chin. "This is a werewolf reserve. What do you think I'm doing here?"

"You make it sound like they're animals. This is just a town where a lot of werewolves happen to live." Lily cupped Nott's chin in surprisingly steady hands, running her thumb over the raised scar. He stared defiantly up at her. "Merlin, Nott. Was this because of your father?"

His eyes remained locked on hers. "It was because I was in the wrong place at the worst possible time. It was no one's fault, aside from my own."

She didn't believe him, but she let it go. "This is why you didn't come back for seventh year?"

"Obviously. Couldn't really walk into the common room on a full moon as a wolf, could I?"

Lily smiled slowly. "Well, you _could_ have. Ris and I would've loved to experiment on you."

"Yes, of course you would have. I'd rather have kept my wolfy bollocks intact, thanks." He grinned at her, and she frowned slightly, her fingertips sweeping across the scars.

"I'm sorry this happened to you."

His eyes flickered shut for an instant. "Never thought I'd hear _you_ apologize for anything."

She shook her head, and then glanced over her shoulder at Teddy. He was staring at the two of them as if watching a train derail – like he'd never seen anything quite as horrible or quite so fascinating.

He swallowed and said, "So, you two know each other, then?"

"A bit, yeah." Lily stepped back and pulled out the chair beside Nott. "We were both in Slytherin."

"Were you together?" It was funny to hear those words coming from Teddy's mouth, for some reason. Strange because this world – his world – was separated so utterly from the one where Hogsmeade weekends and covert snogging sessions in broom cupboards were the usual.

Nott let out a harsh laugh. "As if I'd have had the chance. Potter here's not really the type for relationships."

Lily raised an eyebrow icily. "Oh, like _you_ were."

"More than you, anyway." Nott ran a hand through his tangled brown hair. "What're you doing here, anyway, Potter? You're not – " His eyes scanned her face and her arms, clearly searching for scars.

"No, no, I'm not. Teddy's a friend of my dad's, and my parents are off visiting my brother – they don't trust me to stay on my own, so they asked Teddy to babysit."

Nott stared at her incredulously. "Your parents don't trust you? And they sent you _here_? Are they mad?"

"Absolutely nutters," Teddy muttered. "As much as I'm interested in Lily's exile to werewolf village, I'm more curious about why you'd like to be a part of my study. Generally we wait until an individual is fully integrated in town before we allow him to join."

Lily glanced sharply at Nott before turning her attention back to Teddy. The man she had known at school would never have risked his skin by participating in such a dangerous experiment. But then, being attacked by and subsequently becoming a werewolf would have a way of changing someone.

"I want to help." That was odd, as well, but then, Nott had always been surprisingly kind. "And you need to vary your subjects. All of them have been werewolves for at least a decade – it might be different with me, since it's only been two years. And ideally, this potion should be used as soon as someone is bitten, so it would be good to test it on someone who's been a werewolf for a shorter period." It sounded well-thought-out, but Nott had never really been one for thinking. Lily raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned sheepishly. "I've had a lot of time to myself, Potter. I'm not the kid you knew, anymore."

Teddy nodded slowly. "It makes sense. I will have to take it up with Cole and Tomas, of course, and you'll need to answer some questions for them, but as long as they agree, I don't see why you couldn't join."

"Thank you." Nott glanced at Lily. "So you're staying the whole summer, then?"

"I am."

"That can't be very exciting." He glanced looked over at Teddy, who was watching them with a curious look on his face. "Unless this guy has decided to make use of your potions genius."

Lily laughed. "It's actually nice, being here. And he's making use of my research skills, not so much the other stuff."

"What?" Nott shook his head. "No, man, you have no idea what you're missing out on. Lily was brewing NEWT level potions in her third year, and her stuff is – " He cut off at the threatening look Lily shot him. "I mean, we all begged for her to brew our potions for us. She never did though, right angel, this one."

Teddy laughed. "Sure, Lily, an angel." He turned to look at her. "You never told me that you liked making potions, Lil."

"I thought you'd have figured it out, considering how much research I've done, and all." And the fact that she recognized the danger of mixing dandelion milk, cherry pits, and caterpillars, but she couldn't bring _that_ back up.

"Honestly? If you don't know about Potter's obsession with potions, then you clearly don't know her at all. It was the first thing we all found out about her at Hogwarts."

Teddy raised his eyebrows. "I'd say I know Lily pretty well. But you could have said something," he turned his attention to her, "I'd have asked you to help out downstairs."

Lily shook her head. "Oh, please. You would _not_ have."

"Well, now that I know, and now that we've got four werewolves rather than three, I could use your help. If you'd like to, that is."

She stared at him. "You're serious? You'll let me help with the brewing?"

"Yes."

And then she was in his lap, her arms around him and he wasn't really sure how she'd gotten there and it was really quite strange because he had thought that she wasn't really a huggy person, but he hugged her back as she laughed into his cheek and murmured, "Thank you thank you thank you," against his ear.

She pulled away suddenly and slid from his lap and turned to hug Nott tightly. "Thank you, too." And when she pulled away she added, "We missed you, you know. Slytherin wasn't the same without you in it."

He reached a hand around her waist and Teddy tensed. "I'm sure. Did Vaisey get into any drama?"

"Oh, Merlin, you know him. When was he not getting into drama? I'm pretty sure one of my cousins nearly destroyed him, though."

"Ah, he should have known better than to go after a Weasley."

"Yeah, everyone told him he deserved it." She pulled away, and Teddy relaxed the fists that had curled on his thighs.

"What about Ris? You two and Hugo still hanging around?"

"Yeah. But she and Hugo started dating a while ago, so now I don't see them as often. They're sickening to be around, really. Hufflepuffs, both of them." Lily moved toward the icebox and started pulling out containers. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Thanks, but I think I'm meeting Tomas and Cole tonight. I thought you were going to be there, too?" He turned to Teddy who stood, shaking his head.

"No, I'm meeting with everyone tomorrow. We bring new werewolves into town in stages, so we can be sure that they want to be here. But before you leave," he glanced over at Lily, "please do not call Lily 'Potter' around anyone else. No one here knows who she is."

Nott looked at him for a moment before turning to Lily. "So that's why you like it here? No one assumes you're a mini-Ginny-and-Harry-Potter clone."

"It's part of it. Could you keep it quiet, please, Nott?"

"Of course." He nodded. "Of course I will. We should get together tomorrow or sometime later in the week. I'll come by, all right?"

She smiled. "Yeah, that sounds good. Good luck with Cole and Tomas. They seem intimidating, but they're really not."

"They can be," Teddy informed him, leading him through the living room. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"See you." And then it was just him and Lily in the house again, and things were back to their easy normal, which Teddy was beginning to think of as perfect. Except that he had, in an effort to prove to Lily that he trusted her, that he knew her better than that cocky bastard did, offered to let the girl help out with potions. Which he had sworn he would never do.

But she seemed so happy – could he really regret it?

She turned when he entered the kitchen, her tone hovering around sorrowful as she spoke, "I can't believe we didn't know. Nott was the first person to talk to me, when I got sorted into Slytherin, you know. Everyone else was too shocked. And now he's…" she gestured wordlessly at the door, "I just don't get how it could have happened."

"Same way it happens for everyone. Like he said, wrong place, wrong time. It's hard, though. I understand why he wants to be a part of the experiment – most of them are so old that they'll have to completely reinvent their lives if we find a cure, but he could just go back home, take his NEWTs and have the life everyone expected him to have."

She nodded, then turned from the stove. "Did you mean what you said, about me being able to help you? I've missed brewing."

"It's odd. All this time, I thought you just snuck down that day because you were curious, because you wanted to break rules but weren't stupid enough to break the one about the full moon. But that's not it, is it? You snuck down because you missed being around potions."

She nodded. "Yeah. You know, I don't actually _like_ breaking rules, I just needed to at least see a cauldron again."

Teddy sighed. "You could have said something. I might have let you come down, if I had known how much you liked potions making."

She shrugged. "I'm allowed down now, yeah?"

"Yeah. It'll be good to have more help, especially if you're as good as Nott said. I'll set up a brewing station for you." He was half hoping that she'd launch herself across the room and into his arms again, but she just continued working on their dinner. "I want to go down and finish some stuff up, unless you need help?"

Lily laughed. "No, no, I definitely do not need your help. I'll let you know when it's ready."

[x]

She had a space, a real space, with a cauldron and a table and a set of knives and her own scales and such a very pretty silver stirrer. The only problem was that it was right beside Teddy's table, so when she got distracted by his hands moving along the surface, or by his body curving over the simmering surface of a cauldron, or by anything else that the bloody man did to drive her insane, she couldn't look at him the way she'd like to. She couldn't very well turn her head and stare – that would be far too obvious.

Of course, she often caught herself staring anyway. Teddy, on the other hand, seemed perfectly oblivious, to both her staring and her presence.

They tended to work in silence, although every once in a while she would ask a question or he would ask a question and they'd launch into a discussion over different potions theories, which would eventually end with one of them admitting that the other might know just a little bit more about that particular concept.

The first day of the full moon, however, they both stood in front of Teddy's table, eyeing the four innocuous bottles of blue liquid. "Does it feel like this every month?" Lily asked, inching closer to Teddy as her eyes scanned the completely clean room. It was odd not to hear bubbling from any of the cauldrons, strange to see both of their tables completely organized, and the floor uncluttered, cleared of the usual piles of herbs and trash that they unknowingly scattered during their work.

"Like what?"

"Like you're sending your child to the slaughterhouse."

Teddy chuckled and reached out to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. "It never gets any better. Although I imagine you're a bit more hopeful than I am. I've learned that it's best not to expect much."

She pressed her head into against his shoulder for a moment. "So how does this work? They all come over before it gets dark, we put them in their rooms and give them the potions, lock the doors, and then…?"

"Then you go to sleep and I sit up in my room and try not to sleep. I can't put silencing charms on the rooms down here, because if something happens and one of them breaks loose I need to know. I also can't sit out in this room or in the kitchen or living room because I need time to prepare to stop them if they do get out. So I listen to their howls and try to figure out if it sounds any different from last month, or the month before that, or the one before that."

Lily sighed. "That sounds miserable."

"It is."

"It's almost too bad the full moon is more than one night. It's got to be hard to handle doing that for three nights in a row." Lily reluctantly pulled away and picked up one of the bottles, tilting it so the liquid swirled against the glass. It seemed so perfect, but chances were it would be useless.

"But if it were only one night we'd only be able to test one potion per month. At least this way we can give them three different ones. It might speed up the experiment a little, anyway." He nodded toward the six bottles that sat on Lily's table – three green and three a slightly lighter shade of blue.

"Do you ever wonder whether it's worth it?" The words were out of Lily's mouth before she could stop them, and she half expected Teddy to yell at her, to sit her down and lecture her, but he just shrugged.

"I have. But then I think of my dad, and of all the people here who deserve better lives. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try."

Things like this made her realize that what she felt for him might have surpassed lust and friendship ages ago, and headed straight into love. But she just murmured, "You're a good person, Ted."

"A lot of people wouldn't agree with you. But thanks." He followed her upstairs and they spent an oddly silent day agonizing over the coming night.

Anastasia arrived first, and she fell into a chair at their table looking tired and drawn. "I'm getting too old for this whole werewolf thing," she informed them.

"You could drop out of the experiment, start taking Wolfsbane," Teddy suggested, sipping tea from his mug.

"I am not a quitter, Ted." She yawned. "Besides, I'm sure you'll come up with a cure soon, and I want to be the first to try it."

Lily smiled and was about to respond when Tomas and Josef pounded through the door. "Hey, guys."

Lily had only met Josef once – he had stopped by Ana's while she was there, looking for some biscuits – and she hadn't been sure what to make of the dark haired, quiet man. But when he sat down at the table between Ana and Tomas she realized that he was actually quite attractive when he smiled.

"Any chance you've managed to make a moderately tasty potion this month, Ted?"

"Well, Lily added blueberry extract to tonight's, so hopefully it'll taste a little less like shit."

Then Nott came through the door. "If it tastes any better than Wolfsbane, I'll be happy." He ruffled Lily's hair as he passed her to lean against the counter. "Hey, everyone."

"Josef, Ana, have you met Sebastian yet?" Lily asked.

They nodded. "Yeah. Tomas took him around."

"Although," Ana added, "He introduced him as Nott. I'm betting Sebastian is not the name you'd go by, if you had the choice?"

"Absolutely not, and P- Lily ought to know that."

Teddy had stiffened at the near slip, and he glanced anxiously at the clock as Lily apologized mockingly, "Right, right. Sorry Nott, I forgot."

"Looks like it's time to get you all downstairs." Teddy interrupted Nott's likely _hilarious_ response and gestured them toward the door. "You can come down if you want, Lil."

She nodded and followed Teddy and the werewolves into the basement, where Teddy handed them each a bottle and they tipped it back, gulping as if taking burning shots of alcohol.

"It tastes a little better than last month's," Josef mused.

"I can very nearly taste the blueberry," Ana added.

"Won't matter if it works," Tomas pointed out.

"But who really expects that?" Josef asked.

Ana shook her head, crossing the room to the door on the far left. "Positive thinking, boys, might make all the difference. See you lot in the morning."

The others headed into the other rooms, and Teddy walked up to each of the doors, setting a complex net of locking charms on them before glancing back at Lily.

"So nothing happens until morning?"

"Not for us." He led the way back upstairs. "Aside from the sadness of the whole thing, the full moons are actually the easiest time of my job."

Lily couldn't stop moving around as she waited for complete darkness to fall, for the transformations to wrack her friends in the rooms below, for the howls to begin. She felt tense shivers running through her body and she paced the length of the kitchen so many times that Teddy finally looked up from the notes he was studying to snap, "Look, either sit down or go upstairs. I can't think with you moving."

"Sorry." She sat, but then her leg started jiggling and after receiving another exasperated look from Teddy she sighed. "I think I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

He nodded. "Goodnight."

She hurried up the stairs and changed into her pajamas before slipping beneath the covers and tugging a potions book from beneath her bed. She was trying to figure out a new line of products for PWP, but she had been having issues thinking of anything but potential werewolf cures for the entire time she'd been in Greece. Ris and Hugo would be so disappointed.

Of course, if Teddy actually succeeded in curing lycanthropy, Ris and Hugo would have absolutely no right to be anything but thrilled. Lily bit her lip at that thought – she knew that she shouldn't be optimistic about this, because it was just so very unlikely.

She closed her eyes, trying to think about Hogwarts, about the world beyond this forest and beyond this house and especially beyond the man downstairs and the friends in the basement. She almost succeeded – in her dream, she and Teddy were lying on the Quidditch pitch at Hogwarts, and there was no one else around them. Just them.

And then noise ripped her from her sleep. Four separate howls, four different tones, four individual wolves, crying out in identical pain. But she could tell which howl belonged to each wolf. The highest one – that was Ana. And the one that sounded like gusts of wind whipping through a canyon was Josef and the one that grated deeply was Tomas's and the last one – the one with a bit of a whimper attached to each elongated note? That was Nott. And that one was the hardest to hear.

It was hard because it hurt. It was hard because she closed her eyes and she saw him the way he was when she first met him, when he reached across the table, through a disgruntled Bloody Baron, and took her small, shaking hand in his.

Because he had just been a third year, and yeah, he had been just another student, just another kid, and yeah, she hadn't felt anything for him at all. But he had shown her what it meant to find pride in the very smallest things. To act as if she believed in herself even when she didn't, to make other people believe in her because that was the only way Slytherins got anywhere in the world. And yeah, okay, maybe that was backwards. Maybe there was nothing real in anything he taught her. But it had gotten her this far, and it had gotten her this far happily.

She closed her eyes and saw that light hand stretching towards hers, saw the friendliness in his brown eyes, saw the smoothness of his cheeks and the perfection of his smile. And she snapped her eyes open because she couldn't handle those memories, not now that his smooth cheeks were marred with the angry newness of scars and she heard (oh, how she heard) the painful note in his howl as it bounded up from the basement and crashed angry sound-waves against stone walls and pierced her ears.

She couldn't be alone anymore, so she crept out into the hallway and tapped at Teddy's door before pushing it open. And he was spread out on his bed, on his back with notes piled on the floor beside him, his eyes closed, his breathing soft, even. He took up almost the whole bed, and she settled down slowly, curled up on her side in her effort not to touch him, not to wake him. But he did wake up, and he didn't ask any questions, he didn't need to. He did wrap his arms around her, he did pull her body against his, he did press his lips to her hair in a (cursedly) platonic kiss, and it was funny because she hated to be touched but when he touched her it was like every cell in her body was screaming out for more of his touch, for him to be all around her, all over her, inside her. She pressed her face against his shoulder and he smoothed her hair away from her face and murmured soft, comforting words, strange coming from his usually reserved mouth.

He fell asleep first, or maybe she did, but she definitely woke up second. The room was filled with the hazy light of a rainy morning and the door was shut, but she could hear voices drifting from the kitchen regardless. She rolled out of Teddy's bed and stretched, glancing down at the gym shorts and oversized shirt of Al's that she had slept in and deciding that she was presentable enough to greet a room full of werewolves and the man she had essentially used as a security blanket the night before.

A very comfortable, very lovely, very inappropriate security blanket, who hopefully wouldn't act any differently this morning than he had the morning before, because awkwardness between them was not acceptable.

Lily closed her eyes and inhaled deeply – it would be fine. It wasn't as if they had _done_ anything. She had just been weak and stupid and sad and he had been there for her – done what any good friend would do. She tugged her hair into a messy ponytail as she crossed the room and headed downstairs.

"Hey, look who's finally awake!" Ana stood by the stove, a muffin tin in her oven-mitted hand. "I made breakfast."

"Merlin, you look worse than us, and we all had a pretty shitty night." Josef stared from where he sat at the table.

"You look like you've been hit by a train," Nott added.

"Thanks, guys." She glanced around as Teddy squeezed her shoulder and handed her a mug full of beautiful, delicious looking coffee. "Oh, Merlin. You're my favorite, you know that, right?"

He chuckled as he sent four cups of tea floating toward the table with his wand. "I invested in a coffee pot for that very reason. All my life, I've just wanted to be your favorite."

She grinned at him and moved to lean against the counter as Ana and Teddy fell into seats at the table. "So did anything happen last night?"

"As in, did we have a breakthrough?" Tomas rolled his eyes at her. "Do you think we'd have let you stay in bed till forever if we had good news?"

"Do you have bad news?" Lily asked. "Aside from there being no new information?"

Teddy shrugged. "They say the transformation hurt more this time, which I would call unfortunate."

She winced, remembering the pain in the wolves' howls, and Teddy shot her a concerned look, but she spoke before he could ask her anything. "Especially since we used that potion as the base for tonight's and tomorrow's potions."

Teddy nodded. "Like I said, guys, if you want to take tomorrow and the next night off, maybe just go downstairs and transform normally, that's fine. I would understand."

Ana shook her head. "We knew it might make it worse when we signed up for it, Teddy. At least, I did. I will try all of the potions you've prepared."

The others nodded. "We're not weak," Josef put in. "We wouldn't have mentioned the pain except that it might be useful for your notes."

Teddy shrugged. "If you're sure."

"Of course we are."

Teddy had been right when he'd told Lily that he actually did the least work at the full moon. After he asked the werewolves some more questions about the night before (all of which made Lily's stomach twist uncomfortably), Josef pulled out a pack of Exploding Snap cards and begged, "Come on guys, just one game. Please?"

"No," Tomas groaned. "Last time I nearly died."

Ana rolled her eyes. "You're no fun Tomas. Let's play."

Lily grinned and sat at the table, and Josef dealt them all in, including the still-complaining Tomas. It felt almost like a rainy Saturday at school, except that conversations in the Slytherin common room always involved a lot more plotting.

But time passed just as quickly in Teddy's kitchen as it did back at school, and after a few million games of cards and a hurriedly thrown together lunch and about a billion arguments Teddy began glancing at the clock and Tomas started running his fingers down the scar on his forearm and Ana's fingers began twining her hair into tiny braids and Teddy sighed. "Looks like it's about that time again, guys."

They seemed more anxious than they had the night before, and Lily wondered exactly how much more painful the potion had made their transformation. She half expected Nott, or maybe Tomas, to refuse the green liquid, but they all gulped it down, grimacing, before heading into their separate rooms. Teddy and Lily turned and silently walked back into the kitchen, and Lily headed directly for the stairs.

"You'll be all right?" Teddy asked.

She smiled at him over her shoulder. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks."

But she found herself clinging to Teddy two short hours later, her face buried against his chest and her hands clutching the back of his tee-shirt as if her death grip on the cloth could stop the pain-ridden howls from reaching her ears.

"It sounds worse tonight, doesn't it?" she asked into his shoulder, when she trusted herself not to break into sobs at the feel of air in her mouth.

"It does." His voice was calm and he smoothed small circles across her back, his fingers drawing designs as his hands drifted over Al's old shirt. "We'll have to scrap this potion entirely."

"They'll still want to do it tomorrow, won't they."

He answered, even though it wasn't really a question. "They'd do it even if the pain killed them." The howls reached an agonizing crescendo, and she dug her nails into Teddy's back. He didn't flinch, just pulled her closer and murmured, "It'll be okay, Lily. I promise. It might not seem like much consolation now, but they've definitely felt worse."

"How?" Her breath caught in the sobs that had finally overwhelmed her resolve.

"Oh, Lil." And he fell silent because he had to know that nothing could make it better until those howls – and the pain causing them – ended forever.

The next night Lily didn't even make a pretense of going to her room. She crawled beneath Teddy's covers before Teddy himself had even come upstairs, and when he opened the door he paused before crossing the room. But he didn't say anything when he reached the bed – he just collapsed into his familiar position beside her.

"What do you think caused the pain?" They weren't touching, not yet, because without the howls she worried that he might jump to entirely irrational (but unfortunately true) conclusions.

Teddy lay still beside her, on his back, and his hand reached for hers as if it had a life of its own, catching her fingers between his and squeezing gently. "It could either be the concentration of dandelion milk or the crushed fluxweed."

"If it's the milk, this night won't be as bad, then. We didn't put as much in this potion."

"Right."

"But if it's the fluxweed it'll be ten times worse."

Teddy nodded.

"Which do you think it is?"

"We'll know in a few minutes." He reached for her and pulled her against him. "Look, Lil, I wish I could put a silencing charm on your room, but if one of them breaks free, I want you to be prepared as well."

"I get it. Besides, I'd still know – I'd know they were howling and I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd be wondering how much pain they were in." And she'd be alone. She _couldn't_ be alone, couldn't be without Teddy.

He seemed about to respond, and then the howls began and they sounded less pained than before and that was good because Lily was fairly certain that her heart couldn't have taken another night of empathetic aching and because that meant the fluxweed wasn't the problem. And she believed that fluxweed was the key to preventing the transformation.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Teddy spoke her thoughts aloud.

She nodded. "No more dandelion milk?"

"No more dandelion milk."

They both slept easier that night, but neither suggested that Lily return to her own room.

It was interesting, Lily realized over the next few days, how easy it was to fall into a pattern. She found that she was more and more accustomed to her life in Greece – to spending her mornings working beside Teddy in the basement, her early afternoons with Ana (or sometimes Nott or Tomas or infrequently Trish) and her evenings in the living room, sprawled beside Teddy with books and parchment covered in their scribbles spread out in front of them. In the days after the full moon, they reviewed their notes from the previous month, circling what worked and what hadn't, what had left the werewolves in agony and what had left them in moderate discomfort – and she found that after a time, this life in Greece, with its concentrated work and unusual friends and Teddy was more normal to her than her life at home, or even at Hogwarts.

So when a familiar owl flew through the kitchen window early one morning about two weeks after her first full moon, Lily didn't immediately recognize it. And when she did, she was more shocked than excited to see Ris's Bacchus.

Teddy stumbled into the kitchen just as she was feeding the bird a crispy piece of bacon and sliding the note from his leg. "Who's that from?" He stretched, tugging one hand through his green-tinged early-morning hair and covering a yawn with the other.

"A friend from home." She unfurled the letter and scratched Bacchus absently on the top of the head, as the owl hooted contentedly. "This is Bacchus."

"Hi, Bacchus." He tugged open the icebox and Lily skimmed the note.

_Lilykins!_

_It's Ris (and Hugo). We just wanted to let you know that WE MISS YOU. And that we would have Floo Called, but Hugo's parents refused to give us your god-brother's address. They seemed to think we would try and rescue you. Or bother Teddy to no end. But _really_, we just wanted to see your pretty face!_

_How are you? Are you still alive? Have you gotten to meet any fit blokes yet? (Hugo says he doesn't care about that, and to beg you to please not answer it, but I say he really does.) And when do you come home? Please say it's soon. Write to us, Lils, we _need_ you. (Also, Bacchus has been asked to tear you to bits if you don't write back immediately. Lovingly tear you to bits, of course, but it'll still hurt.)_

_xoxoxoxoxo x a billion  
__Ris (and Hugo)  
__P.S. We've got some brill ideas for PWP next year. You'll be impressed._

Lily grinned and folded the note before picking up a piece of parchment from the pile on one of their chairs and scribbling:

_Hi Hugo (and Ris) – _

_I'm good. I'm still alive. Every bloke I've met here is fit. I have no idea when I come home, but I can't wait to see you both!  
__I've been busy, but with fun potion-y things. Although I haven't done any work on PWP, so I hope that you guys _have_ had some good ideas. Floo call at Deep Forest Run, Cottage Eleven.  
__Please do, I want to see your faces!  
__xoxo x a trillion  
__Lil_

"They probably wanted a longer letter, Bacchus, but this'll have to do, all right?" Lily murmured as she attached the note to the bird's leg. He hooted and took off with another quick bite of bacon, and Lily turned to find Teddy watching her. "What?" She scrubbed at her cheek, wondering if she had splattered ink there, or something.

"Are you ready to go home?"

She shrugged. "No." And then she grinned. "But I bet you're ready to see me leave."

"Never." He smiled as if he was joking, but he turned away quickly, wanting to shield the expression in his eyes from her. He tried not to think about her leaving. Teddy was practiced in denial, but this summer was pushing him to the very limits of his ability. He denied that he liked Lily, he denied that he was attracted to Lily, he especially denied that he wanted Lily to stay forever because she made his life – every little bit of it – a thousand times better.

And he denied that when he had woken up the night of her first full moon to find her beside him his first thought hadn't been of his friends suffering in the basement. He told himself that when he had woken up and heard their howling he had been angry for them. He told himself that of course he hadn't been bloody angry _at_ them, for causing her pain.

But the part of him that was getting tired of denial? That part told the rest of him to shut the fuck up and accept that he had fallen in love.

Of course, that part was miniscule, and mostly ruled his mind late at night, and then only in his dreams. But when he awoke to hear a high-pitched scream, not very unlike a young werewolf's cry, coming from her room, that miniscule part of him overtook him entirely. He was out of bed and in the hallway in under a second, and he prayed as he approached her door that she was just having a nightmare, that there wasn't something in the room forcing that noise from her throat.

He pushed the door open to find Lily lying still in her bed, curled on her side, her fingers white where they bit into her sheets and her mouth open, letting out that strange scream. He crossed the room and gently brushed his hand over her cheek, murmured, "Lily, wake up. Wake up, Lil. It's just a nightmare, that's all."

Her eyes shot open and her hands reached out, her fingers caught on the hem of his shirt and only then did she calm down. "Oh, Ted. Sorry."

"It's okay." He reached down and took both her hands in his. "Are you all right?"

She nodded, rolling her head to hide her face in her pillow. "It was just a stupid dream?" And maybe she didn't intend for it to come out as a question, but he caught the meaning.

"Just a stupid dream."

"It seemed so real, you know? It started out with you and me, like always, and then Nott was there and James was there and it was a full moon and Nott didn't want us but he really _really _wanted James and it just wasn't fair, because James isn't even involved at all and so he shouldn't have even been there, and why would Nott do that to anyone, let alone my brother?" Her babbling slowly faded and Teddy sat beside her, running one hand down her back.

"It was just a nightmare, Lil. Nott won't transform around anyone and James won't ever be around him when he's a werewolf. Dreams make no sense. I used to have nightmares that everyone in town would come into my Auntie Andie's home on the full moon – and they were scary as hell, but they weren't real, and they stopped after a while."

She nodded into her pillow. "It's just so stupid, the way they can affect me. I feel so…so weak." The last words weren't spoken so much as mumbled, and Teddy knew that if she had been even a fraction more awake, she would never have said them.

"It's not stupid. And you are not weak." He scrubbed a hand through his hair – he had never been very good at comforting people. "You're the farthest thing from weak I've ever seen."

"You're lying." Lily muttered, although she had no evidence for it. Usually Teddy's lies were transparent.

"I'm not," he managed to sound offended, just barely. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Yes, please." She answered quickly, without thinking, and added, "Just until I fall back asleep."

But of course he stayed much longer than that. He couldn't leave, with her wrapped in his arms, couldn't even think of moving away from her and going back to the lonely bed that had been fine for so long, fine until he realized how very right it felt to sleep beside Lily.

That was her last nightmare for a while, or the last one that Teddy heard about. He wanted to ask her if she was doing okay, if she wanted him to brew up some dreamless sleeping potions for a few nights a week, or if she wanted to sleep in his room for the rest of the summer (which would only happen in his very _wrong_, very _disturbed_ dreams, the larger part of his mind pointed out). But he was afraid of forcing awkwardness on the least-awkward friendship in his life, so he didn't ask her about the sleeping potion or the nightmares or (especially) the moving into his room.

Even though he wanted to ask her about all of it.

Teddy was nervous at the next full moon – nervous that Lily wouldn't come to sleep with him, and nervous that she would. Because in the month between this moon and the last (and wasn't it strange how quickly time was moving now that Lily was here?) he and she had become closer. So whereas last month the comforting had the potential to create awkwardness, this month the comforting had the potential to create disaster.

But he didn't think about any of that when he woke in the middle of the night to howls and her warm body pressed against his, to her arms snaking around him and her head on his chest. Maybe he should have thought of it all, of the potential for disaster, as he almost pressed his lips to her hair and he _definitely_ should have thought about disasters as she reached up and caught that kiss with her lips.

The taste of mint toothpaste, the touch of soft hands against his back and the feel of freckled skin beneath his fingers was all glorious – and it all hinted at disaster.

Disaster arrived with the sound of banging and howling from the basement, with the sound of splintering wood and the blare of Teddy's alarm charms. It came as Lily froze in his arms and a werewolf cried a greeting to the moon.

**A/N: **I appreciate reviews!


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter_.

Chapter Three  
"The weight of the world is love. Under the burden of solitude, under the burden of dissatisfaction."– Allen Ginsberg

Lily was only a single stair behind Teddy as they flew down into the kitchen, but the glow from his illuminated wand revealed an empty room. The doors to the basement and the living room were torn from their hinges, and a cool breeze indicated that the outside door was destroyed as well.

The three remaining wolves howled to one another – the noise the fourth had made while breaking though warded door after warded door had stirred them from their usual full moon anxiety. Lily glanced at Teddy and saw that he recognized the noises coming from the basement – he ought to, considering that these three wolves had provided the soundtrack to his full moons for years.

"Nott," she said, because someone had to break the silence between them.

He didn't say anything, just nodded and crossed the room to the broken basement door, carefully pushing aside the shards of wood and creeping down the stairs, craning his neck just enough to make out the room. He inhaled sharply and Lily stepped cautiously onto the stairs, laying her hand on his shoulder as she pressed her head close to his to see the wreckage of their potions making sanctuary.

"Oh, Merlin." Glass glittered across the floor, shattered between shreds and puddles and splinters of ingredients. Nott had knocked over their cauldrons and the next month's preliminary potion pooled on the ground, where it swirled around the broken remains of their tables and Lily bit her lip to keep from crying out at the sight of the shelves, torn to pieces in the wolf's destructive flight. The vials containing the potion for the next two nights lay to the side of the broken table, their glass shattered, the liquids swimming in murky finality among the ingredients and shards of other bottles.

"It'll be fine." Teddy's voice would have sounded steady to anyone but Lily. She heard the slight quake to the words, the catch deep in his throat. "At least the others are secure." He reentered the kitchen and Lily followed, watching as he waved his wand to repair the door. Her hands dipped into the pockets of her shorts, longing for the feel of willow between her fingertips, longing for some mediocre sort of defense against the night's terrors.

He turned to look at Lily once the door was back in place, as if it had never felt Nott's rage. "I'm going to find him."

She shook her head. "You're not. You can't."

"I'll try not to get in his way and I won't let him know I'm there. But I need to make sure that he doesn't go too far off, that he doesn't break into anyone's home and catch any of the others by surprise. I'll just keep watch till it's light out."

Her hands balled into fists in her pockets, her fingernails bit into her palms, and she tugged some semblance of bravery from beneath her Slytherin soul. "I'm coming with you."

He rolled his eyes. "You're not. You will stay here, and make sure that everything's okay with the others. You will not follow me." He hesitated. "And get your wand, all right? Just in case."

She didn't want to go, not really, but she did want to stay with him. "But you can't just go out after him alone, Ted."

"I'll be safer alone than I would if you were there." He pulled her into a quick hug. "Look, I'll be fine, Nott'll be fine, and we'll both be better if you stay here."

She thought that she might have lost something essential in the moment that his arms disappeared from her waist and he left the house; she thought that she ought to do something more to protect him and Nott and herself. If she were like her father, she would have been out that door before Teddy had even reached the kitchen. She would have been gone, lost in the night, saving lives, before he had figured out which werewolf was missing. She would have been brave.

But she wasn't Harry fucking Potter, she wasn't. So she obeyed Teddy and got her wand from her bedside table and waited as the seconds, minutes, hours ticked away with agonizing slowness.

They came back at dawn. Lily had paced blisters into the soles of her feet, walking in circles around the kitchen table, trying not to think about Teddy out on the brightest night of the month armed with a wand while poor Nott ran around ready to tear into anything that breathed. She hoped he ran into a rabbit, a dog, anything but Teddy.

At the first shine of gray morning light, she heard the creak of the front door and she expected the worst, imagined Teddy's limp, poisoned body cradled in Nott's repentant arms. She expected blood oozing from irreparable cuts, sorrowful, apologetic words from between Nott's red lips – she expected her nightmares to rip into her life.

But when she opened the door to the living room, she saw a perfectly whole, clean Teddy leading a perfectly whole, unstained Nott into the kitchen.

He smiled a small "I'm all right" smile at Lily, and she nodded slowly as Nott collapsed at the table and Teddy began brewing tea. Lily glanced over at the basement door – the others had stopped howling somewhere between hours one and three and she had almost forgotten they were there.

Teddy followed her gaze. "I'll send them out for breakfast – maybe to Ana's. We need to talk." He nodded at Nott.

"Look, Ted, I'm sorry. I don't know what – "

"Don't be ridiculous." The sound of feet on the stairs forced Teddy to speak quickly. "You probably didn't do anything wrong. I just need to talk to you to find out why the potion affected you differently than it affected the others. I figure you don't want them around for that."

"No, thank you." Nott dropped his head in his hands as a fist tapped against the door and Teddy removed the wards with a wave of his wand.

"What happened?" Josef asked the second Ana pushed the door open and the three crowded into the kitchen, their eyes all focused on Nott.

"We don't know." Teddy handed them each a cup of tea and Lily moved to stand behind Nott, laying her right hand on his shoulder and squeezing lightly. He tensed under her touch, but he didn't shake her off.

"What do you mean, you don't know? The potions brewing area is torn to bits and Nott's up here and not down there and…what, Teddy, we want answers!" Tomas's voice bit in the early morning air, a lingering reminder of angry howls.

"I escaped last night. I don't know why or how and I don't remember much." Nott spoke to the table, his voice low and ashamed.

"You don't – You realize you could have fucked up this entire experiment? Forever?"

"He didn't." Teddy straightened and stepped forward, his eyes narrowed, "Although if you keep with that attitude, Josef, I might remove _you_ from the experiment. It was not his fault. You ought to know that you can't go around blaming people for what happens when they're transformed." He looked as if he had more to say, but he ground his teeth, forcing himself to silence and Josef slowly backed down.

"Right. Sorry, Nott."

Nott shrugged, his shoulder rising jerkily under Lily's hand, and Teddy sighed. "All right. Here's what we're going to do. You lot are going to eat breakfast at Ana's, so Lily and I can try to figure out what happened. And you'll be back here by five, and I will lock you in the basement." He bit his lip, his fingers flexing. "We unfortunately did lose this month's two other potions last night, so you'll have to transform normally. Unless any of you would like to leave the experiment – I can give you Wolfsbane, if you would." And thank Merlin, Lily realized suddenly, that they stored the Wolfsbane at the pub. Just in case, Teddy had told her. In case of this, apparently.

They all shook their heads and Tomas spoke for the first time since coming upstairs, "Stop asking us if we want to quit, Ted. We're all in this, for good."

"Yeah." Ana crossed the room and ruffled the hair on Nott's bowed head with one hand. "We're not giving up just 'cause this one here couldn't handle the potion. And it might be nice to transform without anything else in our systems for a few nights. Might be good for us."

Lily smiled at Ana and took her hand from Nott's shoulder; the man seemed calmer.

"It might help, to have our bodies fully clear of all the experiments," Tomas said. "But could we take Wolfsbane tonight and tomorrow night and get back on schedule next month?"

Teddy sighed. "I wish you could, but we're not entirely sure what Wolfsbane does to the body to make the transformation the way it is – it's better if we have no doubt about what's already in the system when you take the experimental potions."

Tomas nodded. "All right. We'll see you at five, then. Come on, Josef." Ana was already at the recently repaired door to the living room, and then the front door closed behind them.

"Okay. Nott, why don't you go upstairs and shower? My room's the one to the right of the bathroom; you can borrow some of my clothes. I'm going to go down and see what I can salvage from the basement. Lily, can you look through our notes and see if there's anything there that will help us figure this out?"

Nott didn't say anything as he headed up the stairs, and Lily glanced at Teddy. He stood by the doorway to the basement, his shoulders slightly slouched, hands in his pockets, staring at his feet. He finally raised his eyes to meet hers and began, "Lil."

But she cut in, "I'll go look over our notes, yeah?" And she hurried into the living room, ignoring the way he sighed as she passed him.

She heard the creak of the stairs as he started down them and collapsed to the floor, pulling their notes toward her and trying not to think about what Nott's escape had interrupted. Trying very hard not to think the way his hands had felt as they pressed against her skin, and the way his slightly chapped lips had felt against her own, and not thinking about the way her heart thrilled whenever he looked at her or said her name and especially when he kissed her. Because this was _Teddy_ and she wanted him so badly, but she couldn't have him. That's what he would have told her. He'd have told her that it was a mistake – the ugliest word in the English language – and she couldn't hear him say it. So he wasn't going to talk to her about it. She wouldn't let him. She would throw herself onto this Nott mystery and she would force Teddy to devote himself to it entirely as well. No room for conversations about snogging, no room for discussions about the realities of human need, want – no time for a comparison of lust and love, for a dissection of right and wrong.

She scanned the ingredients and techniques for brewing this potion – she had been particularly hopeful about this one, and it was too bad that the two derivations would need to be re-brewed for the next month. There was nothing there, nothing at all, that would have caused Nott to become three times as strong as any werewolf ought to be.

He came into the living room, collapsing on the couch and scrubbing a hand through damp dark hair. "Hey Lil."

"Nott." She inhaled – a sweet smell filled the air around them. "You used my shampoo? Like the scent of raspberry?"

"Better than the smell of moldy earth." He closed his eyes for a moment, and his lips twisted as if he was in pain. She watched him until he straightened up. "So, find anything useful?"

"Nothing. But maybe Teddy will have better luck. He's better at all this than I am."

"Not by much, I'll bet."

Lily shrugged. "I'll go let him know you're out."

Teddy had nearly returned the basement to its normal almost-clean state; he had a bin set up in the corner, and she saw some shards of glass and some of the liquid potions that weren't salvageable in the bottom. He had managed to repair the shelves, and had returned most of the dry ingredients to their bottles. Their tables and their cauldrons were standing upright, and a broom was sweeping lazily around the room on its own, collecting debris in a pile. A dustpan was waiting to gather it all up and drop it in the bin.

"Looks good." Teddy jumped at Lily's voice, and he turned to face her.

"Yeah. Luckily, most of the dry stuff didn't get too contaminated. We'll just need to be careful when we mix potions to be sure that only the ingredients we want are in there."

She nodded. "But all the potions are gone? Even the beginnings of the ones for next month?"

"Too dangerous to try and save those. Might as well just start from scratch, especially if there was a flaw in the base for this one."

"Nott's ready, whenever you want to come up. I didn't see anything in the ingredients that could have had that reaction on him, but if he was being an idiot and taking some other sort of potion as well, that might have caused it."

"He wouldn't be that stupid, would he?" Teddy wiped his hands on his shirt and glanced around as a lid settled over the bin and the broom and dustpan floated to the far corner of the room. He nodded and moved to follow Lily up the stairs.

"Sometimes people take a potion for so long that they don't even think of it as a potion anymore – it's just a part of their life. If he is taking one, he probably thought he was safe since it hasn't ever reacted with Wolfsbane. Which he must have taken, at one time or another."

"People can be so clueless," Teddy muttered.

"Yeah, well, we don't know for sure that that's what it is, so let's wait to hear him out before we tear him apart."

"Sure thing, ma'am."

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled at Nott as they entered the living room. At least that lingering feeling of awkwardness was mostly gone.

"So." Teddy sat down in the armchair and Lily curled up on the couch beside Nott, wrapping her arms around her legs and watching Nott's expressions as Teddy's eyes scanned his face. "How are you feeling?"

Nott looked surprised for an instant before he regained control of his face. "Fine?"

"No abnormal sweating, you don't feel as if your heart is beating faster than usual, no difficulty breathing?"

"See," Lily supplied, guessing from the way Teddy was staring at Nott that he was expecting her to play the sympathetic part. Which was just stupid, since Lily had been born to criticize, and Teddy had been bred to understand, but she'd go along with him. "When a potion has such an outrageous reaction in your body, it could still affect the way your body is working long after the more obvious changes wear off."

"Oh." He shook his head. "No, I feel perfectly normal."

"That's good." Teddy nodded. "Hopefully there won't be any lasting damage, then. Do you remember anything from last night?"

Nott shook his head. "The transformation was more painful than usual, and then it was light out, I was outside and you were there."

"You usually remember more from the nights when you're transformed, right?"

"I usually remember everything."

Teddy nodded. "The potion could have worked so intensely on your body's physical strength that it muted your mental capacity, but it seems more likely that it amplified the characteristics of the werewolf, which overpowered your more human self-awareness. Either way, your lack of memory isn't something to worry about."

"Good." They sat in silence for a moment. "So what do you think caused it?"

"When was the last time you took Wolfsbane?"

"Six months ago." Nott sighed. "It always left me feeling sick for two weeks after the full moon, and my parents chained me up during the transformations whether I took it or not, so I figured I might as well not. Three nights of pain were better than two weeks of illness. And later, I couldn't have gotten a hold of it if I wanted to."

Teddy raised an eyebrow. "I've never heard of that reaction before. But the Wolfsbane should have been well out of your system by now, so it isn't that. Are you taking any other potions regularly?"

Nott's eyes flicked to Lily's face so quickly that she would never have noticed if she hadn't been examining him so closely. Teddy certainly didn't notice, but he did see the way Nott's hands twisted together, the way the fingers of his right hand began picking at the scabbed skin of his left thumb.

"Are you?" Teddy prompted.

"Just a sleeping potion." Nott muttered, so softly that Lily could barely make it out.

Teddy sighed, running his fingers through his hair, which was slightly darker than usual. He really was on the verge of losing control. "Did you take it yesterday?"

"I take it every day."

Lily stared at him. "You know that's terrible for your health, right? Too much sleeping potion can slow down your heart rate and fuck horribly with your immune system."

"Yeah, well, I turn into a wolf three nights a month. Think that's doing wonders for my heart?"

"Who makes the sleeping potion you're using?" Teddy's voice was tight, and Lily didn't need to look at him to know that his eyes and hair would be nearly black.

"Who?" And there was that quick glance at her again, which Lily didn't understand. He was acting as if he had been taking a PWP sleeping potion, but that was impossible. They didn't mail order their products, because that seemed a bit out of line, even to Ris and Lily, and Hugo had outright refused. And she would have known if they were supplying one of her old classmates with sleeping potions. She kept tabs on who used their sleeping potions, because despite the fact that some of their potions messed with nerves and caused hallucinations and increased brainpower and all sorts of other semi (or entirely) illegal shit, the sleeping potions were the most dangerous. So he _couldn't_ be using one of their potions.

"Yes, _who_," Teddy repeated. "Who makes and supplies you with the sleeping potion that you use? And if you brew it yourself, where did you get the instructions?"

Nott's voice was smooth when he answered, and his eyes locked on Teddy's, a sure sign of a lie. But only a Slytherin would recognize that in another Slytherin, because only they had learned deception from one another, only they had learned how to lie to their families and their friends to protect themselves. "I invented it. Back at Hogwarts, our Potions professor left halfway through the year, because she was pregnant." Well, that much was true. Lily had taken over teaching her class. The stand-in professor hadn't been pleased when he'd arrived two weeks late to find a group of fourth years brewing seventh year potions. "And because we were in sixth year and for some reason everyone thought that meant we were intelligent, they instructed us to invent our own potion." That, actually, was true too. A lot of that class had come to Lily, Ris and Hugo for help. "So I made my own sleeping potion."

And there was the lie. Because he hadn't, Lily remembered suddenly. He had been begging and begging for her help and she had had a rudimentary sleeping potion in the works for PWP, so she had shown Nott how to brew it and he had used that as his potion. Nott had passed and Lily had incorporated the potion into the then much smaller PWP catalogue.

But she had improved on that sleeping potion so much since fourth year that the one they brewed now only contained two of the same base ingredients. That one, the old one, had tasted somewhat of dirty Quidditch gear and had burned at the throat going down and had had the unfortunate side effect of forcing its drinker to remain in a nightmare long after any other sleeping potion would have allowed him to wake up.

She had gotten soft, she realized as she bit back the involuntary gasp that rose in her throat. Three months ago she would have taken the news that a werewolf was ingesting that disgusting and psychologically traumatizing potion daily with maybea blink, perhaps a small grimace that could be mistaken for a smirk by those who didn't know her at all. But if Teddy had been watching her when she realized what potion Nott was talking about – well, he would have had no doubt that the man was lying.

Luckily, Teddy was staring at Nott in shock, his eyes focused wholly on Nott's face, and therefore he could not have noticed Lily's un-Slytherin-like reaction. "You've been taking an unsanctioned sleeping potion _daily_? One that you brewed when you were _sixteen_?"

"It hasn't done any damage yet," Nott pointed out.

"Except that you just broke through every door in this house. Other than that, I'm sure you're _perfectly _healthy." Teddy turned to look at Lily, and she looked calmly back, thanking the stars and Merlin and bloody moon that at least she could regain some of her Slytherin sensibilities with time. "What do you have to say about this?"

"That he's an idiot, obviously. That you should probably give him a better sleeping potion after tomorrow night, one that doesn't have any reactive ingredients, and that we should let the old potion run out of his system and let him adjust to living here a little more before including him in the experiments again."

Teddy shook his head. "That's it? You're not going to tear his head off for being such an idiot, you're not going to lecture on the insanity that an overuse of sleeping potions can cause, nothing?"

"Look," Nott interrupted, "I'd say I've learned my lesson, all right? It's just, sleep – even when it's brought on with the most miserable sleeping potion ever invented – is better than being constantly awake. I'm pretty sure it's better for my health, as well, except when I mix it with anti-werewolf-experimental-potion, apparently."

"Why couldn't you just buy sleeping potion?" Lily asked, finally letting some exasperation color her voice. He had known _exactly_ how miserable this one was before he started taking it.

"Because my father considers them tools for the weak and I couldn't very well walk into a store and buy them. I've…" He glanced at Teddy. "My parents kept me chained in our basement." Lily had been to the Nott manor once, a long time ago, and she was fairly certain that in their case, basement meant dungeon. "And I got sick of it. So I left, and I've been living on the run for a while. I finally heard about this place and decided to come here." He blushed. "I know it's rather cowardly, but it's really all I could think of. My parents couldn't advertise my escape since they wanted to keep the truth about my 'condition' hidden, but I'm sure that they've hired people to look for me. So I needed to brew my own potions, because I couldn't risk being seen."

Lily stood. "I never liked your dad."

"And you made that abundantly clear the first time you met him." Nott chuckled. "I don't think I've ever seen him so upset over something a child said before in my life."

Teddy interrupted, "Okay, okay. I understand. Although you could have fought on your own, you could have confronted your parents. But that's in the past. You'll transform without any potions – no sleeping potions or Wolfsbane or anything – for the next two nights, and then I'll give you some of my sleeping potion stock. I think Lily's right – you should stay out of the experiment for a while. Do you happen to have a copy of the brewing instructions for your sleeping potion, or can you write it out for me?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to examine the potion and prove that it was, in fact, its mixing with the experimental potion that caused the reaction. And figure out which ingredients caused the problem. It will help with our experiments and it will let us know without doubt that the only problem with that potion was what you were taking it with, because it seemed to work better on the others than any of our prior potions have."

"Oh," Nott glanced at Lily again, clearly seeking direction.

She shrugged, managing to keep her face composed. "Sounds like a good idea to me."

"Yeah, I'll write out the instructions and ingredients for you," Nott said. He reached for some parchment that sat on the table, and Teddy handed him a quill as he stood.

"I'm going up to shower. You both look as if you could use some rest. Nott, is the couch all right for you to nap on?"

"Yeah." They both watched as Teddy left the room, but as soon as she heard his feet on the stairs Lily whirled, pressing her face close to Nott's, her voice a low hiss.

"What the fuck were you thinking? That potion – I still have nightmares about the fact that we _ever_ sold that potion. I can't believe you're still using it! Why didn't you write to one of us, ask for something better? You wouldn't have needed to give the real reason, we wouldn't have cared. The nightmares you must have been stuck in, Nott." Lily closed her eyes. "How're you still alive?"

"They weren't the worst. Not sleeping is a thousand times worse." He shrugged. "And I don't know why I didn't write to you. Maybe because I couldn't really think of much beyond the fact that I had been bit, and so wasn't really all that sane."

She shook her head. "Still. I just…I can't believe you've been taking it all this time."

"We've been over that, Potter. Are you going to tell Teddy the truth?"

She blinked at him. "No, obviously not."

"Why not? It's not as if you did anything illegal."

"Well, first of all, because we've already lied to him. What d'you want me to do, go upstairs and be like, 'oh, hey, Teddy, by the way, Nott didn't actually brew that potion, I did. It _was_ for his sixth year potions class. Well, sort of, anyway, I had already made it for this underground potions ring, and he used it in his potions class. I made a killing off of it, but it's kind of horrific.' Yeah, that'll go over _so_ well."

"Well, not if you put it like that. Just say that you helped me brew it for my class. You could leave out all the other stuff, although I'm surprised he doesn't know about your potions selling. Two years ago you lot were the most revered kids in school – I'd have thought you'd have become world famous by now."

"Yeah, among the students. None of them are stupid enough to mention us to anyone outside of school, and we've managed to keep the professors from finding out. That's actually why I'm here – my parents found one of our potions and think I'm a drug addict. So I'm pretty sure that's what Teddy expects from me. Imagine what he'd think if he knew that I was actually the dealer."

Nott snorted. "You lot don't deal. Nothing you're selling is illegal."

"Some of it is, now. Just a little bit illegal." Lily shrugged. "So I'd rather not tell him anything, if it's all the same to you. As long as you don't mind him thinking you're an idiot."

"Are you kidding? He'd think I was more of an idiot for continuing to drink a sleeping potion that a fourteen year old kid invented. It's better this way for me. I just want to make sure you know what you're doing."

Lily moved toward the doorway, suddenly in dire need of a shower and sleep. "I'm good at lies." Or, she had been.

She left Nott to writing out the first potion she had invented, intent on the feeling of hot water and a comfortable mattress, but Teddy was leaning against the door to the bathroom, and his eyes met hers when she tried to go around him.

"We need to talk." His voice held no room for discussion, but she really wished that he could have at least waited until she had showered.

"I don't think we do." She could still salvage this, if he behaved like any normal, sane person would.

"We kissed, Lily. I _know_ we need to talk." Oh, right, he had been a Gryffindor. Red, gold, idiotic bravery and all that shit.

"Fine," she snapped. "What do you want to say, then?"

He glanced over her shoulder at the stairs and then reached for her hand, pulling her down the hall and into his room, casting a silencing charm as they moved. She rolled her eyes. If he was really that intent on keeping just Nott from finding out, this clearly was not going to be a fun conversation.

"What I want to say and what I ought to say are very different things."

Well, that was unexpected. She raised an eyebrow at him. "So?"

"Merlin, Lil, can't you say _something_ to make this easier?"

"You're the one who wanted to talk. I was content with just moving on." Well, no, she wasn't. But she was more content with that than with suffering through one of Teddy's self-deprecating lectures.

"Really? You just wanted to pretend it never happened? That it meant nothing?"

She blinked. This man needed to stop surprising her. "You're saying it meant something?"

He scrubbed a hand through his dangerously dark hair. His emotions were really everywhere today. "Merlin, Lily, I don't just go around snogging people because I don't feel anything. I get the impression that you don't, either. So yeah, yeah, it meant something."

"I don't, either," she informed him redundantly. "But this is what you want to say, right? What _should_ you say?"

"You know what I should say. I should say that last night was just loneliness taking control of both of us, that I'm eleven fucking years older than you and therefore this can't happen. That your father asked me to look after you, not snog you, and that it'd be betraying his trust if we try to turn our friendship into anything more. I'm sure all of this has gone through your head today, too. But who would know? If we just gave it a try, out here, where the only people around are our friends, who're so sick and tired of being stuck in a horror story that they'd give anything for some sort of happiness, who would care? They wouldn't. I wouldn't, and I'm guessing that you wouldn't. If we just try out being together, not labeling it and not having any expectations – could we just forget about all those objections?"

She stared at him for a moment. "You're always surprising me, Ted."

"So, that's a yes, then?"

"A yes to a relationship? An out-in-the-open, for real relationship? Hand holding and kissing and hugging and massages and calling each other pet names and everything?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm no good at massages, and pet names make me sick, but yeah, that's the general idea."

She smiled up at him. "I'm in, Wuzzy." He stared at her, "Get it? Because Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear?"

She decided, in the seconds before his lips hit hers, that his smile was the most glorious thing she'd ever seen.

[x]

Nott blinked when Lily dropped her head on Teddy's shoulder after dinner that night, and Ana and Josef exchanged surprised glances, but no one said anything at first. They were all too focused on what would happen after they went downstairs.

"I've forgotten what it feels like to transform without any potions at all," Josef confessed.

"It hurts like hell, but it doesn't last, the way it sometimes does when we've taken a potion," Nott replied as Teddy opened the door to the basement. "We should be okay."

"Of course we'll be okay," Tomas snorted. "It's just odd, not to take anything beforehand. I feel like I'm forgetting something."

Ana was silent, and Lily took her hand before she followed the others through the doorway. "Are you all right?"

The woman nodded. "It'll be fine. Better than last month, worse than last night. We'll be okay." She looked at Lily for a silent moment. "Do you know what you're doing, Lil?"

Lily blinked. "What do you mean?"

"About Teddy. I don't want to see either of you hurt."

"We know what we're doing." The words sounded like weak assurances in her own ears – after all, she _was_ leaving in a month – but Ana seemed convinced. She slipped her scarred hand from Lily's and disappeared down the stairs. Lily turned to clean up their dinner dishes – she didn't want to watch the beginning of yet another painful night.

Teddy cast a spell to dry the dishes when he returned upstairs, and Lily caught them before he could send them spinning back to the cupboards. "I want to do it myself."

He shrugged. "Sure. Although I was going to look over Nott's potion and try to figure out what went wrong." He waved the parchment enticingly at her, and she knew that if she hadn't already suspected what had caused the reaction, hadn't already known exactly how to brew that potion, she would have been at the table in seconds, leaning curiously over Nott's scribbled instructions. But she couldn't feign interest in this, not when thinking of the potion sent chills of Hufflepuff-worthy guilt down her spine.

"Let me know what you find out." She placed the plates back on the shelf in a clatter of ceramic. "Do you think there'll be enough of that potion left over in his system to cause another reaction tonight?"

"There shouldn't be." He was watching her, clearly wondering what was going through her head. "But I put extra wards on his door and cast some protective spells over our potion stuff, just in case. I'll put some more wards on our bedroom door, too."

She nodded. "Probably a good idea."

He paused. "You sure you don't want to look at this?"

"Yeah. I never did get to shower earlier. I'm gonna go up and do that."

He reached out and caught her hand as she moved toward the stairs. "Hey. Are you okay?"

"Of course. I'm fine." She smiled at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged, squeezed her hand and let go, turning back to the parchment as she left the kitchen. She wasn't okay, though, because she had suddenly reached a point where lying didn't seem second nature. Where telling Teddy that she had no idea what was wrong with that potion was no longer something that sounded innocent, believable. She felt dirty, like the lies she had told over the last several years were scribbled across her skin in grime. The worst of it was that two months ago she would have been convinced that her actions were absolutely, unchangeably right. That most of the time lying was more right than being honest.

What had happened to that conviction?

"Stupid, stupid, Teddy."

The spray of the shower had blocked out the howls from the basement, and as Lily slipped from the bathroom to her bedroom she listened to the noise, trying to gauge how painful the transformations were. By the time she reached Teddy's room, the howls had quieted; one werewolf's occasional bark, and the others' answers, sounded in the night – it was the quietest it had ever been in Teddy's cottage on a full moon.

"They're tired." Teddy sat on his bed, scribbling in a notebook and still examining the parchment evidence of her lies. "Especially Nott, I'd imagine."

Lily crawled in beside him and he wrapped his arm around her. "Are you going to be working late tonight?"

He looked down at her. "I think it can probably wait until morning. Although I'd have thought you would have been interested in this too."

Lily pressed her head into his shoulder. "I don't like to think about how much pain it caused him." And could he really argue with that? It might have been the truest thing she'd said all day.

So he put aside his notes and pressed his lips to her hair and she let herself forget, for a little while, just how much of her life she had built out of lies.

[x]

"I'm going to brew Nott's sleeping potion today," Teddy told Lily on the day after the last full moon of the month.

"Why?" She set her coffee cup on the table and pushed some hair out of her face, trying to hide the way her hands had started shaking nervously. "I thought you had figured out that it was the avena sativa that had caused the reaction."

He stared at her. "Because you can't truly understand a potion until you've brewed it. And I want to know if Nott will be suffering any other effects from taking the potion for so long. You can start re-brewing the base potions he spilled, if you don't want to help with brewing this one."

"Sure." She smiled at him, but it felt plastic on her lips.

"If you don't want to be around when I make it, that's okay." He shrugged. "You could go visit Ana or something. I understand – this job is sometimes difficult, and I don't want to do anything that'll hurt you."

"No, no, it's fine." Lily forced a more real smile. "I'll be fine. Thanks."

"You sure?"

She kissed him lightly and nodded. "I'll see you down there."

They took up their familiar brewing places and it all felt normal, except when Lily thought about what Teddy was brewing, saw him mimicking some of her earliest potions movements, noticed how he continuously glanced over at her. At first, the looks seemed concerned, but as he continued slicing and chopping and stirring, they seemed more and more suspicious. Which was clearly just her nerves talking. Except…

"I need to ask you something." He had just added the sprigs of lavender, sliced lengthwise in a way that Lily was still fond of.

"What's up?" She continued mixing her potion, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Lily," his voice was serious, and he had stepped away from his cauldron, "look at me."

She stilled her hands, dropped her knife on the table and turned to face him, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear and pretending that he were anyone else – her father, McGonagall, Al – someone she could lie to without thinking about it, without feeling guilty at all.

"I like to think that I've gotten to know you in the last two months." She nodded slowly. "I know that you are amazingly brave, even though you're a Slytherin to your bones, and that you prefer your coffee black and that you'd rather hurt yourself than see anyone you love hurt. I know that you smile when you're nervous and that you don't like to be touched – except, thank Merlin, by me – and that you're gorgeous and afraid of silly things and incredibly intelligent."

She hadn't expected this – she had expected a direct confrontation. But it could be any bloke at school telling her this, she reminded herself. Except no bloke at school would know anything like that about her.

She _could_ lie to him. She had to.

"And I especially know how you brew your potions. I know what plants you prefer and how you like to chop, slice, and mince things. I'm familiar with the knives you use and the way you like your potions stirred and how you map them out so that you know they will work. And this potion, Lily," he gestured at the simmering cauldron, filling the basement with the sickeningly familiar smell of her most terrifying nightmares, "it's rudimentary. It's rough and it's wrong in many ways and I'm pretty sure that it could have some negative effects on even the healthiest users. But it'll also get the job done, and it uses a surprisingly large percentage of your favorite techniques – even though they're a lot less refined than what you do now, they're undeniably yours."

She kept her voice steady with difficulty. "Of course they are."

"Of course? I'm sorry, I thought that Nott invented this potion."

"Oh, but they're not really _my _techniques. Nott and I studied under the same professor – Nott studied under her for five years, and I only studied under her for three, so of course there are some differences – I was able to improve on her methods – but we learned the basics from the same person. Why wouldn't we have similar brewing styles?"

He stared. "This isn't a brewing style, though. This is an inventingstyle."

"But it all comes back down to the basics, doesn't it? It's the basics that form how you will brew, whether it's inventing or not. So of course Nott and I use similar styles."

Teddy shook his head. "You swear to me that you had nothing to do with inventing this potion?"

And her tongue felt thick, heavy with the weight of the lie. "I swear."

His eyes met hers and he nodded slowly. "I trust you."

That was the thing about Gryffindors. They were just so easy to manipulate.

[x]

It was too early in the morning when Lily collapsed at the table, a mug of coffee in her hand. "I'm through with brewing at night," she informed him. "I need sleep."

"Good morning to you too." Teddy laughed. "Stop complaining. You know you like potions making more than sleep."

"Hmm," Lily covered a yawn with her hand, "I don't know about that." Teddy stood and dropped a kiss on her head as he passed her to the sink.

"I'm going over to see Cole this morning. Do you need anything while I'm in town?"

"No, thank you. Do you want me to work on the potions at all while you're out?"

"If you want to. But if you want to take a break, that's fine. I won't be gone too long."

He opened the door just as the fire flared green and Ris's head appeared, her hair matching the flames nearly perfectly. "Lily Potter, get your arse down on the floor right now. Oh, that sounded dirty."

"Ris!" Lily hurried over the fire place and knelt before it, waving Teddy over. "Come here, Ted."

"We get to meet your captor?" Hugo's head appeared in the fireplace, pushing Ris over to the very edge of the fire, and Lily wondered how they must look from the other end for a moment before deciding not to think about it.

"Hugo, you've already met him. But Ris, this is Teddy Lupin. Ted, my friend Ris. And you remember Hugo?"

"Sure, although the last time I saw him he was covered in dirt and chocolate." Teddy waved a hand at them and the other two nodded.

"Well, you were all wrapped around Victoire last time I saw you, so I guess we've changed a bit." Hugo sounded rather affronted, and Lily grinned.

"Ris is never gonna let that one go, huh, Hugo?"

"Never." Ris grinned. "Don't worry, I wuv my dirty chocolate sex-muffin."

Lily faked a gag at the saccharine voice. "If I ever sound like that, I request that you hit me with an Avada Kedavra to the forehead."

"Sure thing, Lil," Teddy promised. "I'm going to head over to Cole's. You sure you don't need anything?"

"Yeah."

"Right. It was good meeting you, Ris. Nice to see you again, Hugo."

"You too," the two faces in the fire chorused as Teddy walked out the door.

"He's cute," Ris said and Hugo scowled. "Ouch, Hugo, no kicking, remember?"

Lily laughed. "You guys are clearly still Hufflepuff-ing it up."

Ris rolled her eyes. "Yeah, we've even gotten each other's initials tattooed on our backs."

"You haven't," Lily begged, "please say you haven't."

"Oh, obviously not, Lil." Hugo grinned. "We're not that stupid. Merlin, you've gotten gullible in a summer away from us."

"I've gotten soft. School's going to be miserable."

"You? Soft? No one will believe it; they'll just think you're putting up a front."

"It might make a nice change," Hugo added. "Lily Potter as squishy love-bear as opposed to bitter snake. The entire school might die of shock, though."

"Squishy love bear? Please." Lily settled more comfortably on the floor. "I'd _hope_ that they wouldn't confuse me for you, Hugo."

"If you were here, you'd be dead by now."

Lily laughed. "I've missed you both."

"She has gotten soft," Ris muttered. "Old Lily would have told us she hated us and never wanted to see us again."

"I hate you guys and never want to see you again," Lily deadpanned.

Hugo snorted. "Too late. We already know your deepest secrets."

Lily sighed – they didn't anymore. "So what's been happening back at home?"

Ris's eyes lit up the way they only did when she had gossip to share. Lily settled in for a long conversation.

[x]

She was still on the Floo with her friends when he got back home – he could hear Lily's laugh through the door, and he was about to push it open when the girl – Ris? – said his name.

He pressed his ear against the door and slid to the floor, thankful, for once, for how thin his doors were. "Does Teddy know?"

"Of course not. We swore we'd keep it a secret as long as we could."

"You lie all the time, Lil," Ris pointed out.

Hugo cut in, "But Ris says you took basically your entire stock of ingredients. How have you kept that hidden from him?"

"I haven't been working on it at all this summer. I've just hidden them under my bed."

She sounded nervous to Teddy, like there was something that she didn't want her friends to know about whatever secret she was keeping from him.

"That's classy," Ris snorted. "At least at home you've got a floorboard."

"We've been over this, Ris. The floorboard has been working fine for years. There's no reason for you to judge it."

"Oh, but it lacks Slytherin cunning. It's a very Gryffindor thing to do."

Teddy could hear Lily's sigh through the door. "Not everything is about houses."

"Hey," Hugo again, "Are you okay? You seem kind of…not yourself."

"I told you, I've gotten soft."

"It's not that, Lily. It's kind of like you were after that arsehole Smith tried to use you to get to Uncle Harry. Tense and quiet and defensive."

"I'm fine, Hugo."

"And that's like you were then too. Always fine, never anything more or less."

"She's _fine_, Hugo." Ris said, "It's probably just boy troubles, right Lil?"

Even Teddy could tell that the Parkinson girl didn't think that boys were bothering Lily; she was just trying to get her boyfriend to back off. "Yeah," Lily grabbed onto the offered distraction, "I've fallen in love with a werewolf twice my age and it clearly won't work, but I just can't help myself."

Teddy rolled his eyes as Hugo muttered, "Of course you have. We should get going – Mum and Dad will be back soon and they'd want to talk to you, but I'm sure you don't want to talk to them."

"I don't, thanks. Good to talk to you guys, and I'll be home in a month."

"If you need to talk at all, Lil, please Floo us." Teddy was kind of surprised that it was Ris and not Hugo who offered.

"I will."

He stood slowly, careful not to make any noise, and listened as she ran the faucet and then crossed the kitchen to the basement door. Once the steps stopped creaking he crept across the kitchen and up the stairs and down the hall into her bedroom.

He summoned the items from under her bed and stared in shock as the contents of an entire potions storeroom slid into a pile at the center of her floor. She had countless packets of potions ingredients – some exceedingly rare, others perfectly common ; bottles of violet potions, each labeled with a swirling print of the night sky; and a notebook so thick it rivaled his heaviest textbook. He sank to the floor and pulled the notebook and a violet potion toward him. The liquid swirled in the bottle as he tugged the cork from the top and inhaled the scent of sweetly tangy mix of lavender and lemon – it was a sleeping potion. A good one, too; the smell of it was enough to make him want to curl up on the floor and drop into his dreams. He quickly stoppered the bottle and set it aside, flipping through the notebook. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but page after page of potions instructions was certainly not it. The lists of ingredients, of steps, were scribbled out and repeated and there were notes all over everything, but it was clearly the book of a creator – he had a similar, if less organized, one himself.

He scowled, flipping back to the beginning and skimming the first page. It was filled with Lily's handwriting, from the heading reading _PWP _to the long, columned list of potions. The names made him hesitate before turning to the next page: _Touch Explosion; Baby Sleep; Brain Buzz; Potion of Passion; Potion of Poison_ – the list went on.

He knew what he would find – had known the minute he recognized what this was, had suspected for days. He knew before he saw the familiar potion, the one he had been agonizing over since the full moon, written out in Lily's neat handwriting. Knew before he saw the list at the side of the ingredients, the list that made his heart stop because she had _known_:

_Possible Side Effects (Unavoidable Side Effects)  
1. Unable to wake up from nightmares  
__2. Increased strength – not really important, since the user will be asleep  
__3. Drowsiness lasts exactly two hours past waking  
__4. Overuse might cause nervous system problems  
__PUT WARNING ON BOTTLES  
__SELL AT DISCOUNT PRICE_

"Teddy?" He hadn't heard her come up the stairs, hadn't heard her open the door.

He turned to look at her and saw that she was staring at the book in his hand, at the ingredients spread around him on the floor, kind of the way he had looked when he first learned that his father had been a werewolf. Shocked horror. Her lips parted in a small "o" and her eyes darted around the room until they landed on his.

"What's this, Lily?"

She closed her eyes. "You know what it is."

"I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say that you were the one who invented the potion, that you knew that Nott had used it all along, that you _lied to me_."

"I didn't want you to know." She bit her lip, her eyes still shut. "I didn't want you to know who I really am."

**A/N:** I appreciate reviews!


	4. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter._

Chapter Four  
"…for love is a duel." – Jack Kerouac

Teddy dropped his head into his hands. "You're fucking kidding me. You're saying that you kept this a secret," he waved the book at her, "that you lied to me because you're afraid of showing who you really are? That is absolute bullshit, Lily."

"It isn't. It's the truth."

"No, no it's not. I know who you are. You're brave and funny and unbelievably stupid." Lily tensed as he flipped through the notebook angrily, his fingertips catching at the corners. He held her life – the last three years of it, anyway – in his hands. "_This_ is so stupid, Potter. Why on earth would you think that it would be okay to keep this from me? Did you know he was using it all along, is that it?"

"No!" she snapped, stuffing her hands in her pockets to keep them from shaking. "No, of course I didn't. I would never have let him take our potion if I had known that he was using this one!"

"So? You didn't want me to know that you created it and you knew all of its negative side effects, but you still gave it to him, you still sold it?"

She closed her eyes. "Teddy, this isn't…it isn't...you shouldn't have found out."

"But I did. Creating potions is not something that you can just do for fun, Lily. You need a license and sanctioned tests and you can't just _sell_ them to people. This is serious. Do you have any idea how badly this could have turned out for you? For Nott?"

"Of course I do! We were young and we didn't know what we were doing. This was three years ago. We advertised the side effects, and figured that if anyone wanted to sleep badly enough to use that potion it was worth it. But we stopped selling it after a few weeks, I swear. I didn't even think that Nott might ever use it. He just needed to pass Potions, and that potion seemed like an easy solution."

"But you're still selling stuff, right? You didn't learn your lesson from your sleeping potion of horror?"

"That was our first one. We've learned so much since then – you can't even compare it."

"What's this, then?" He flipped a few pages. "Dream Drops? That's hallucinatory, right? That's illegal."

"Not for a good reason."

He slammed his fist into the floor and stood, still clutching the notebook. His wand was out and for one terrifying instant Lily thought he might curse her, but instead he summoned all of her ingredients and sent them spinning through the door. She watched as her entire stock floated down the stairs, heading toward the basement. "This is absurd, Lily Potter. I see why your dad was worried about you, although he clearly doesn't know about _this_. You realize how dangerous this is, and yet you've kept on doing it. You could destroy people's lives – your own life – if one of your potions messed up."

"None of my potions _will_ mess up."

"You can't know that!" His voice was louder than she'd ever heard it – almost a shout – and his hair was jet black, his eyes flinty coal. "What in this world has given you the impression that you're invincible? You can't hide behind your name forever, you know."

"That isn't fair," she spoke softly.

"You know what's not fair? A man taking a potion invented by a fourteen year old for three years, because the mess it makes of his body is better than not sleeping at all. A child being attacked by a werewolf and unable to live a real life. Bigotry, hate, wasting your own life making illegal potions. Those things are not fair. You have acted like a child."

He walked out of the room, still holding her notebook, and Lily stared after him, her eyes clouded with unshed - and she _couldn't _cry, she _couldn't_ – tears.

They didn't speak again for days. Teddy spent his time in the basement and he seemed nearly consumed by the werewolf potions, although she sometimes she saw him flipping through her notebook with a scowl on his face. Lily had tried to go down to help once, and his expression of mixed disgust and disbelief had sent her scurrying for the stairs. She cooked meals that she put in covered containers in the icebox for him, because he refused to eat at the same time as her, and the one time she went to Ana's, she found a note on the table when she got home: _I thought it went without saying that you're on house arrest again. Apparently it didn't. You are_.

He cut her out entirely – he refused to look at her, speak to her, acknowledge her. She had never imagined that she could feel lonelier in Teddy's home than she sometimes did at school, but Teddy's rejection left her wholly isolated.

A week after their fight, Lily was about ready to go down into the basement and tear Teddy into pieces if he didn't say something_._ By then she would have welcomed a screaming match, a glare, any sort of sign that he cared about her. But when she slipped from her room – where she had been spending an inordinate amount of time staring at the ceiling trying to make her mind shut up – she heard voices from the kitchen. It had been so long since she'd heard anyone talk in the house that she had to grip onto the railing to keep herself from flying down the stairs into the middle of it. Instead, she crouched on the shadowed second step and hoped that Teddy didn't crane his neck at an awkward angle to see her. The other man was Nott, of course, and she didn't really care if he noticed that she was eavesdropping. After all, could he really expect anything else from her? And yeah, maybe she ought to have learned her lesson with the whole Teddy blow up. But hadn't he been eavesdropping on Lily and her friends? Wasn't this whole thing really _his _fault?

"So, look, Teddy." Nott's voice was unusually hesitant. The Slytherin had been straightforward even in school, and his directness had only increased since his transformation. "I know that you and Lily are having some problems."

"We don't need to talk about this."

"But we do," Nott cut in. "You're going to listen to me. Lily's had a tough life – don't look like that, you can't know what it's like, growing up with everyone expecting something from you."

Teddy interrupted, "Of course I do. Do you remember who my parents were? A bloody werewolf and a fucking metamorphmagus – of course people had expectations for me."

"They did, but it was different for you. Don't roll your eyes, Teddy, it fucking was. Everyone expects Lily to be some combination of the best in both of her parents. Some people expected less from you because of who you parents were, and some expected more, but Lily's got everyone thinking she'll make miracles happen when she bloody _walks._ Look at James, look at Albus, and you know they're Potters – they've very nearly succeeded in satisfying the whole world. Lily made different choices, and people are constantly punishing her for it. Not her family most of the time, but the media is ruthless to the 'wayward Potter,' and everyone gave Lily a hard time when she was first sorted."

Teddy shrugged, Lily could see the way his shoulders tensed around his ears before he dropped them. "She's had some tough times, I get it. But I've never treated her badly – I haven't judged her or criticized her, so it really doesn't change anything."

"She lied to you, Ted. That's it. It's a perfectly normal response to feeling threatened."

"I don't understand why she felt threatened, though. And why did you go along with it?"

"Because it was easier for both of us if you believed what I told you. Lily wouldn't need to tell you that she had been inventing potions long before she came here, which could have led to problematic questions, and I wouldn't need to admit that I was using a potion a fourteen year-old came up with. It made sense, until you went snooping around."

"She should have just trusted me."

Nott shook his head. "Look, I'm not going to say anything else. You just need to think – is this worth losing her over? Because you are losing her."

Another silent moment passed and Lily bit down hard on her tongue. She felt exposed, as if Nott had taken her soul and laid it out on the table, picked it apart and offered it up for Teddy to examine.

Teddy finally asked in a tense voice, "Why do you care so much?"

"Lily accepts people. Others should do the same for her."

"That's not a real answer."

Nott shrugged. "I can be as transparent about Lily as I want. My life and my choices _are_ mine, and I'm not about to share them with you or anyone else. Just know that you should at least talk to her." And then he looked up, straight into Lily's eyes, and shook his head slowly.

She slipped back up the stairs and into her room, collapsing onto her bed as if it could safeguard her against whatever Nott was thinking and whatever Teddy would say.

She half expected him to come up the stairs as soon as Nott left, she half expected him to open the door and sit next to her on her bed and wrap his arms around her and tell her that he forgave her. But the sound of Teddy's footsteps on the stairs did not follow the noise of the front door swinging shut; instead, Lily heard the creak of the door to the basement as it opened – he had returned to his sanctuary.

Lily chucked her pillow and a few bitter "fuck"s across the room in frustration before she tugged a quill and some parchment from beneath her bed and started scribbling a note to Ris. The note became too personal quickly, and she knew she couldn't tell her friend what she had (almost) had with Teddy. Ris would call her an idiot and tell her she ought to get her head examined and those responses would not help.

Lily crumpled the just-begun letter and left her room, banging down the stairs and into the unsurprisingly empty kitchen. A low fire burned in the grate, and she tossed the letter in with a sigh, watching as the ink-smeared paper crusted and curled in on itself. She wondered what Teddy would do if she went downstairs and tried to talk to him. She wondered if he'd temper his expression at all or if he would still raise his lip in a sneer, if he'd still look at her like she was something foul that he had found in his cauldron.

He probably would, she decided. Nott could try and work all the magic he wanted, but nothing he said would have made any real difference. She ran her fingertips lightly over the door to the basement as she passed it, aching to go down and have everything be all right again, knowing that it wouldn't be. She pushed through the door to the living room and continued out to the front yard, where she collapsed on a small patch of grass and lay on her back, drumming a restless pattern into the ground with her fingertips and staring up into the sun until she saw rings of rainbows.

Lily didn't realize Teddy was there until he dropped to sit beside her. She squinted up at him, but he stared off into the trees, his elbows resting on his knees, one hand holding her notebook.

She didn't say anything, and after a moment he spoke, still not looking at her. "There are some really incredible potions in here." He tapped the notebook against his shin for emphasis, and she nodded slowly.

"We tried."

"Do they all work like you say they do?" he asked, and Lily shot him a glare that would have chilled his blood if he had been looking at her.

"Of course they do."

"Have you tested them all?"

"Most of them. And if I haven't, then Ris and Hugo have."

"So, this one?" He flipped the notebook open and held it out.

Lily smiled. "Touch Explosion – my idea. It's one of our better selling potions."

He sighed. "But have you used it?"

She glanced up at him. "Why would you care?"

"I don't. I'm just curious."

He was finally looking at her, and his face was a simple, honest, gorgeous Teddy face and she smiled. "You're _jealous_! Jealous that I'd test that one out with someone else?"

"No," he scoffed. "I'm still upset that you lied to me, more than anything."

She sighed."Teddy, I'm sorry. I understand that you feel like you can't trust me anymore. I get that you think that I betrayed you when I lied to you, and I'm so sorry that this is how it has all worked out. But…I've always had this whole potions thing under control. Aside from that stupid sleeping potion we've never had any serious problems. I didn't think that it was essential for you to know and I get why you're pissed, but do you think – I mean, could you find some way to forgive me?"

"Here's the thing, Lil. I need you to trust _me_ just as much as I need to trust you, and I don't think you do. You should want to tell me things – even if you don't think they're 'essential' – you should still share stuff with me. Why don't you?"

Her fingers tugged at tufts of grass as she stared at him. "It's not that I don't trust you. I do, I trust you more than almost anyone else. Although, I guess for me, that's not really saying much." Lily sighed. "But I do trust you. And maybe I should have told you about the potions when I first got here, maybe we would have avoided a lot of shit this summer if I had just been up front with you. Hell," she laughed, "you've probably been thinking I was some sort of druggie."

"I thought that before I met you. After you arrived, I had no idea why your father had sent you here. I don't know how the hell your parents could ever look at you and believe that you do drugs."

Lily shrugged. "They never know what to think with me. It's always been that way. So when they see an easy answer, they take it, even if it's not the most rational." She hesitated. "What can I do to make you trust me again?"

"The problem with me, Lil, is that I'm much too ready to forgive and much too trusting. You could probably spin lies around me for the rest of our lives and chances are I'd never realize you were lying, unless something happened like what happened last week. But I'd obviously rather you didn't take advantage of that."

"You _are_ incredibly gullible. It amazes me that you made it through Hogwarts with your skin intact."

"There were a few close calls. But the point is, Lily, you need to start telling me the truth. I'm not saying you can't have secrets, but I'd prefer a straight, honest answer. If you don't want to tell me something – because you're clearly someone who likes to keep to yourself – just _say_ that, just say 'Mind your own business,' or something. All right?"

She nodded. "I'll give the truth a try."

Teddy relaxed and he stretched easily as he released a sigh of relief. "So, did you ever test out this Touch Explosion thing?"

"I'd rather not say," Lily replied, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Oh, come on." Teddy scowled at her and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Just admit you're jealous, and I'll tell you."

"Of course I'm jealous. That potion would make anything you'd done with whoever a thousand times more intense than anything we've done."

Lily blinked. His transparency continually astonished her. "No."

"No?"

She sat up and turned slightly to face him, reaching out to trace along his cheekbones with tender fingers. "No, I've never used Touch Explosion. You're it, Teddy. Don't you remember what Nott said?"

He stared at her for a moment. "When?"

"When he first got here, when you were a jealous arse and asked about whether we'd ever dated. He told you I wasn't one for dating."

"That doesn't mean much, though. You don't need to date to fuck."

Lily's nails bit into his skin for a second, before she calmed down. "That's an awful thing to say. I may have not told you everything this summer, but I hope you know me better than that."

"You're right." He reached up and took her hands, clasping between both of his. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just – I know so little about your past and I sometimes feel like you know too much about mine."

Lily tilted her head. "I do know more about you than you do about me, I guess. My parents probably don't talk about me all that much, if they can help it, other than the obligatory 'she's doing well,' but they're always telling us about you. And James and Al were obsessed with you – you were their hero for the longest time – and even Vic talks about you sometimes. Nothing bad," she added quickly, seeing the way his eyes widened, "I think she's finally over you. Took her, what, eight years? But yeah, I guess I do know kind of a lot about you. Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing, though? Getting to know each other, I mean."

"But you've got all these walls around you, Lil, and it's exhausting trying to break through them."

She moved her hands so they were holding his. "What do you want to know?"

"You're serious?"

"I want you to really trust me, to be able to believe me. If the only way to make that happen is to let you in, then I'll answer any question you have. Although, I've got to warn you, up until this summer my life has been the definition of boring."

"I have a hard time believing that. Illicit potions rings, Slytherin parties, werewolf friends – I don't think any of that sounds particularly boring."

Lily smiled. "I'm just a glorified nerd, Ted. I'd suggest you start asking me things, or I might change my mind."

He hesitated for a moment. "You said that I was 'it' – what did you mean by that?"

"You're the only person I've ever wanted, Teddy. You're the only one I've ever considered as more than a friend," her usually pale face had flushed a deep red, "the only one I've ever kissed, probably the only guy aside from Hugo I've ever willingly hugged."

Teddy stared. "I was your first kiss?"

"Merlin, Teddy, you were my first _everything_. You should never doubt how I feel about you."

He couldn't help himself after that, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, his tongue pressing gently until she gave herself over to him.

When they pulled away she looked at him through hazy eyes. "D'you want to know anything else?"

His eyes didn't leave hers as he answered, "I think I'll just find out the normal way."

Time sped by when Teddy and Lily were speaking to each other, and the morning of Lily's seventeenth birthday arrived much sooner than she'd thought it would. Before she fell through Teddy's Floo, she had hoped that she would have been home long before August twenty-fourth – after all, the first of September was only a week after and there was always so much to do to get ready to go back to school. But by the night before her birthday, she got a bitter taste in her mouth whenever she thought about leaving, her stomach started hurting in a way that it never had for exams or leaving home or experimenting with dangerous potions, and she had started snapping at anyone – even Ana – whenever they mentioned the fast approaching deadline of back-to-school.

Lily knew she should have been looking forward to her birthday. She ought to have been twirling her wand between her fingers and she should have been awake the second the clock ticked midnight so she could begin using magic immediately. But she wasn't. August twenty-fourth had come much too fast for her, because she wouldn't trade all the magic in the world for the way she felt when she was with Teddy. And it wasn't just him, she thought, as she crawled into her bed on the night of the twenty-third. Yeah, a lot of it was, but some of it also had to do with the job and the people and the feeling that she could make some difference in the world. She didn't want to give any of this up, and she was _not _going to give any of it up, not permanently, anyway. She would talk to Teddy about her plan on her birthday. After all, how could he deny her anything on the day she finally came of age?

But when he woke her up at eight with a kiss followed by a steaming cup of fresh coffee, she couldn't break the moment. And when she came downstairs and perched on the kitchen table while Teddy flipped through some of their recent notes and started asking her opinion on what she thought the next potion – the one for the full moon in two days, which she might not even be there for – might do to the werewolves, she couldn't bring it up either. She plucked at a thread dangling from the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing – one of Teddy's button-down ones – and kicked her legs languidly as she offered suggestions.

She tried to pretend she didn't notice the way he kept glancing at the door and then up at her, but after the seventh time his eyes followed the familiar pattern she broke her silence, "You're absolute shit at keeping secrets."

"What do you mean?" He attempted to look innocent, and Lily thought that it was a good thing that he usually _was_ innocent, because his fake innocence was Voldemort-esque.

"You and Ana cannot keep secrets. Even Nott has dropped hints about my surprise party at least twice – I think that you're a bad influence. What time are they all arriving?" She tugged her wand from her pocket and directed it at the loose thread in the sleeve, which zipped back into the pattern at her muttered spell.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Teddy began, and then burst into laughter at the expression on her face. "Oh, fine. It's not that we're bad at keeping secrets, you're just too clever for your own good."

"Oh, no. You're awful, although I am also very clever." She grinned and slid off the table into his lap, her legs wrapping around his waist and her hands resting lightly on his shoulders. "So when are they getting here?"

He kissed her lightly. "Soon. You should probably go put spells all over all the books so they'll go flying off the shelves when people come in the front."

Lily pouted. "But that's so unimaginative. I was thinking of making them sing 'A Thousand Bottles of Butterbeer on the Wall.' Off-key, of course."

"Of course. You realize that'll punish _us_, too?"

"But it'll be so funny." Lily grinned at him and slid from his lap, turning to face the fire, which had flared green a few seconds earlier. "Teddy, were you expecting anyone?"

"No, why?" He stood and turned as a figure fell from the flames. A young, black-haired, green-eyed figure.

"Al?" Lily asked incredulously. "What're you doing here?"

The young man looked up from brushing ashes from his jeans. "Happy birthday, Lil!" He pulled his sister into a hug as Teddy glanced between the newcomer and the fire, which had turned green again.

"Thanks." She pulled away, backing up a few steps and joining Teddy to stare at the fire.

"Hey, Albus." Teddy reached out to shake the younger man's hand. "Who else is coming?"

"Well, everyone."

Lily stared at him in horror. "Everyone?"

"Oh, not the aunts and uncles and cousins!" Al rushed to explain. "No, it would have been insane getting international travel licenses for all of them." The fire spat out another figure, and James staggered to his feet as Al continued, "Just James and me and Mum and Dad."

"Mum and Dad," Lily repeated. She whirled to face Teddy. "You have to go tell everyone not to come."

But then Nott was standing in the doorway, Ana beside him, and he was staring from Lily to Al to James and back to Lily, his expression unreadable. "Lily? Is your family coming today?"

Teddy took both Ana and Nott by their forearms, pushing them through the door into the living room. Lily could hear angry voices through the closed doorway, and she turned slowly to face her brothers. "Hi, James."

"Lily." James' eyes narrowed as he scanned her face, dropping down to take in Teddy's shirt and the wand in her hand. "Happy birthday." He hugged her quickly and Al broke in.

"What's going on? Why was Teddy so angry?"

Lily shook her head. "It's nothing. It's great to see you guys. I had no idea you would all come out for my birthday – especially you, James."

"Our little sister's coming of age." James smiled. "How could we miss it?"

"But seriously, Lil, what's going on? Why don't you want anyone to meet us?" Al's eyes hadn't left her face, and she sighed. It wasn't like it was a huge secret.

She glanced over her shoulder at the door to the living room. She didn't know what Teddy was saying to Ana – hopefully not the truth – and she thought that Nott would be able to come up with a valid reason for canceling the party, but she didn't want them to hear her explanation, even if Teddy did decide to tell the older witch some of it. She waved her wand briskly, cast a nonverbal silencing charm on the room, and turned to the boys. "Nobody here knows that Teddy is in any way connected with Harry Potter, and no one knows that I am Harry Potter's daughter. A lot of the werewolves were either sympathetic towards Voldemort's side or they outright sided with him, and they wouldn't trust Teddy if they knew that he was connected with Dad. And they need to trust him, because he may be their only chance at a cure."

The boys stared. "So this whole summer, you've kept us a secret?"

Lily nodded, and James said, "But what about that guy? He recognized us as your family."

"Of course," Al jumped in. "That's Sebastian Nott. He was at Hogwarts with us. What's he doing here?"

Even though that had been her initial reaction to seeing Nott in Teddy's cottage, Lily couldn't help the look of disgust she shot at Al. "Why do you think?"

"That's why he didn't come back to school? I'd wondered. Oh, Merlin, wait until Scorpius hears about this!"

Lily was across the room in a second, her wand at Al's throat, her eyes burning threats into his. "You will not tell anyone that he's here, Albus. No one."

"Lily!" She froze, her wand still pressed against her brother's neck. Her father's voice sounded so out of place in Teddy's kitchen, so very wrong. He shouldn't be here, she thought, as she slowly lowered her wand and turned to face her dad. He was staring at her with his eyebrows raised, waiting on an explanation for her behavior.

"Lily was just showing me a new defensive move she's learned from one of the werewolves," Al said, stepping forward and squeezing Lily's shoulder lightly. "I personally think it's a little weak – if the victim is stronger than the attacker it would be easy enough to swat her away, but it's interesting."

Lily nodded, slipping into Al's quick lie easily enough. "I see what you mean, but sometimes getting that close to the victim surprises them enough to make the move reasonable." She smiled at Harry. "Hi, Daddy."

Harry nodded slowly, his eyes scanning Al's face and then hers for some evidence of the lie. If he found any, he didn't mention it. He left the hearth and pulled Lily into a hug. "Happy birthday, little one. We've missed you."

She hugged him back for a moment, before pulling away. "I missed you all too. Is Mum on her way?"

"She was leaving just after me." He glanced down at her shirt. "Did you run out of clean clothes?"

Lily shook her head. "Nah, Teddy's shirts are just more comfortable than mine. More suited to the wilderness."

Harry smiled, but Lily caught some shadow of doubt in his green eyes. "I see."

She turned away from him and pulled teacups from the shelves. "Who wants tea and who wants coffee?"

"I'll have tea," Ginny answered from the hearth, and Lily whirled to hug her. "Happy birthday, love."

"Thanks, Mum. It's good to see you."

Ginny tucked a strand of hair behind Lily's ear and smiled. "You look like the forest agrees with you."

Lily pulled away, shrugging. "I guess. I like trees and all that."

Teddy pushed the door open with the hand holding his wand, waving it to dispel Lily's silencing charm at the same time, and placed a large green and silver cake on the kitchen table. "Ana sent over a birthday cake for you, Lil." He turned to her parents. "Hi, Ginny, Harry. How are you?"

Ginny kissed Teddy on the cheek and said, "We're doing well."

Harry shook Teddy's hand before pulling him into a brisk hug, asking, "Why didn't you invite this Ana in? We'd love to meet your friends."

Lily rolled her eyes as Teddy replied, "Everyone here would be a bit overwhelmed to meet all of you at once, I think. I asked her to come in, but she just told me to say hi to all of you and to wish Lily a happy birthday."

Lily nodded, stirring sugar into Al's tea and cream into James's. "I'll go by to thank her later."

"Actually, Lily," Harry said, "we were hoping that you'd be able to come home today."

Lily froze with a steaming teacup in each hand, her back stiff. "Today?"

Ginny responded, "Yes, today. We were having difficulties attaining an international Floo license for any other day, and unless your dad had pulled rank – which you know he hates to do – you would have had to wait until September fifteenth. I know that you think you don't need school, but I think that it is probably a good idea for you to get there on time. So it has to be today. I'm sorry it's so unexpected."

Lily handed James his tea and leaned back against the counter, forcing herself not to look at Teddy. "It'll take me a while to pack." She kept her voice indifferent and hid her shaking hands in her pockets.

"I'll help," Ginny offered, crossing the small space to lay a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "And aren't you ready to see Ris and Hugo again? I know that they've been bored this summer without you."

"I'm sure they have." Lily forced a smile and pushed away from the counter, slipping out of her mother's grip. "I bet you're all starving – we've got some leftover stew I can heat up."

"Don't be silly," Teddy didn't sound all that distressed at the abrupt end to their summer, and Lily glanced at him. He was smiling, and he had opened the door to the living room. "It's your birthday. I'll pull something together – why don't you go and visit with your family?"

"Because you're about as good at cooking as I am at Quidditch," Lily pointed out, "Which is positively dismal."

"No worries, I've had this meal planned for weeks." He grinned. "If I mess it up, Ana will have my head."

"Ah, you've been taking lessons from the master? Fine, but if you do mess it up, I'll be the one to let Ana know." Lily smiled back at him and led her family into the living room, pushing down the thought that she wouldn't be the one to tell Ana anything, because she likely wouldn't be seeing Ana again.

"So, Lily, how has the summer been?" Harry asked as they all crowded into Teddy's book-cluttered living room.

"You and Teddy seem like you're getting along well," James added, stretching out on the floor by one of the bookshelves and tugging a book from the lowest shelf.

"Yeah, it's been fun. Everyone here is really nice, and Teddy's work is fascinating." Lily settled down on the couch, trying to relax.

"Have you been involved in it at all?" Ginny sounded surprised and Lily shrugged.

"Not much," she lied. "How was Africa? I want to hear all about James' work and the curses and everything."

"Well," Ginny and Harry exchanged looks as James chuckled, "it was interesting."

"They had no idea what to expect," James told her, "Everything shocked them. They followed me into an old tomb where the first curse disintegrated your clothes – the next would have disintegrated your skin if I hadn't disabled it – and Mum and Dad could barely handle it."

"Stop, James. It was mortifying."

James rolled his eyes. "But a bit better than having no skin, wasn't it? Of course no one cared that I managed to save their lives."

Lily laughed as he went into a description of a few of his recent cases, and she only glanced toward the kitchen when Teddy let out a particularly loud curse. Harry hurried to his feet, saying "I'll just make sure he's all right," and Lily settled back on the couch, although she wanted to run to help Teddy too.

Harry stuck his head back around the door five minutes later. "It's all set, guys. Time to eat."

Lily followed the rest into the kitchen and stared at the table. Teddy had lengthened it and it was set with green and silver swirled china that certainly hadn't been anywhere near the house that morning, glasses glowing ruby with wine and candles flickering at either end. The plates were heaping with Lily's favorite – shepherd's pie and corn and a strawberry spinach salad covered with a sprinkling of almonds and she couldn't help but look up at Teddy.

She bit her lip as she spoke, "Thank you, Ted. This is lovely."

He shrugged. "It was really nothing, although I'm sure that Ana thought I was hopeless more than a few times."

"What happened?" Al asked.

"That made you swear, he means," James added.

"Oh, just burnt myself on the oven rack. It's fine, Harry fixed it up." Teddy held out his arm so they could see the pinkish ring on his forearm, which would probably have already blistered if not for Harry's skill at healing charms. "Can we please eat before this all goes cold?"

"I'm game." Al sat down at the table and the others joined him, all complimenting Teddy extensively on the surprisingly tasty meal.

Harry, Ginny, Al, and James dominated the conversation, as was always the case when the whole family was together. Teddy glanced over at Lily several times, waiting for her to jump in and say something, or for her to stand up and announce that she wouldn't leave, or for her to lead the conversation away from the topic of Quidditch and into more familiar territory for both of them, but she didn't do any of those things. She just avoided Teddy's eyes and half-listened to what her family was saying about the Cannons.

Presents accompanied Ana's delicious cake, and between eye-shadow and jumpers, mascara and jeans, she tried to smile, managed to laugh at James' jokes, and accomplished a lot of personal rethinking. Her opportunities to talk to Teddy would be limited, she knew. Maybe she could corner him after dinner – help him with the dishes while everyone else went back into the living room – but probably not. Maybe she could grab him before she went upstairs to pack and press one hurried goodbye kiss to his lips, but they'd all see. And while a part of her wanted them to see, a part of her was aching to just have her whole life laid open for everyone to analyze, criticize, understand, and _get over_, the larger part of her was dying for secrecy, because they would judge. And she and Teddy was not something that ought to be judged. Because she and Teddy were perfect as they were. So there would be no time for goodbyes, no opportunity for a last kiss or three honest words.

She knew, as she held Teddy's gift, that her chances for working something out with him were slipping away – maybe had already slipped away – and her hands were shaking as she slit the paper that covered the book (because of course it was a book) and her fingers slid over the cover with a sort of ridiculous reverence. It was _Potions for the Masters_ and it wouldn't have made her so happy if it hadn't meant that Teddy considered her a master and that he thought she should continue her potions-making. And, he could have written something in it. Something physical and lasting, because nothing else this summer had been. She didn't flip through the pages – she didn't want to see Teddy's handwriting at that moment, didn't want to read the inevitable _love_ that would come at the end of the inscription – but she did look at him, straight on, for the first time since her family had arrived. She smiled and said, "Thank you," and she brushed her foot against his shin beneath the table.

He grinned back and she may have been the only one who noticed the way his eyes looked above his smile.

"A book?" Al asked with a smirk. "Are you turning into Rosie, now, Lil?"

James laughed. "I bet even Rose would have been upset if we gave her a textbook for her seventeenth."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're joking, right? This is perfect. And I'm sure Rose would have loved it."

"Sure, Lily." Al glanced over at Teddy. "Sorry, Ted, it's just – you got us all Firewhiskey for our coming of age. Really slipped up this time."

Teddy shrugged as he waved his wand to clear the dishes. "Somehow I didn't think Lily would appreciate Firewhiskey as much as you lot did."

James shook his head. "You clearly don't know Lily at all. Firewhiskey is her favorite drink."

Lily didn't respond, but Teddy glared at James. "I don't think that's true."

James shrugged. "Whatever you say, all-knowing-one."

Teddy stood. "Maybe you should listen to what your sister has to say, sometime." He began cleaning up, and Ginny glanced over her shoulder as he moved.

"Fine." James turned to Lily. "Teddy seems to think you have something to say, Lil. What's up?" He grinned, as if his words weren't meant to be hurtful. And they probably weren't. The boys were always joking with each other – hell, the entire family was always playing off of the popularity thing, using the insults provided by the press to tease one another. Lily had never fallen as easily into that form of joking, but then she wasn't exactly the princess of the presses.

"Nothing." She glanced at her left wrist, searching for the time even though she hadn't worn a watch since she lost her last one during a midnight trip to Hogsmeade. "I should get ready to go."

"I'll come help." Ginny stood, her hand trailing over Harry's shoulders as she passed him. "You should talk to the boys," she said softly. "Remind them that they didn't like being judged when they were younger."

"You're joking, Mum! We loved it," James called after her.

Ginny and Lily used their wands to clear up Lily's room, and Lily peered under her bed to make sure that she had gotten her notebook and writing supplies packed away, suddenly very grateful that Teddy had never returned her potions supplies after he confiscated them.

Ginny grabbed Lily's hand before she was able to follow her floating trunk from the room. "Lily, you know your brothers are only teasing you, right? They don't – and more importantly, your father and I don't – believe any of that nonsense the press prints about you."

Lily turned to face her mother. "I know, Mum." Every time the _Prophet_ or _Witch Weekly_ or, occasionally and horrifyingly, _PlayWizard_, printed some new inflammatory thing about her she got this speech from one or both of her parents, every once in a while one of the boys would jump in, promising her that _they_ certainly knew she was not some skanky Slytherin.

"You're sure you're not upset with them? You've been quiet since we arrived."

"I'm always quiet," Lily pointed out, tugging uneasily at a few strands of hair.

"Did you have a good summer?" Ginny didn't even bother to excuse her non sequitur.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was brilliant. I'm just a little sad to see that it's ending."

"And I'm sure you're dreading leaving Hogwarts for good, after this year. I was sad before I went back for my seventh year, too."

Lily nodded slowly. The thing about her parents, and her brothers, too, was that they were all so easy to lie to because they supplied their own lies. They told her what they wanted to hear, so why wouldn't she go along with it? The easiest course of action, especially when it helped her out, was always the best. Honestly, Lily wasn't dreading the end of Hogwarts. She had enjoyed her time there, sure, but she was over it, past the foolish House competitions and beyond the Quidditch arguments, well finished with both the Potter worship and derision. And now that she had some idea of what she wanted to do after school – _potions master_ sang in her mind with hope – she really had no reason to go back, aside from NEWTS. And they'd be fine, she was sure. At least, the ones that mattered would be.

Lily followed her mother back down the stairs and cursed herself for not having talked to Teddy about her plans, about any possibility of a future for them, before her family's arrival. She wished now that she hadn't put off the all-important conversation, hadn't told herself that there would always be another day.

They were all clustered around the fireplace when she came in, Harry thanking Teddy for taking them in and thanking him for looking after Lily. "I honestly don't know what we would have done without you this summer, Ted."

"You would have been fine," Teddy assured him. "But it was really no problem having Lily here. She's welcome any time."

Now. Lily wanted to be welcome now, and forever, and to never have to leave. She wanted to toss herself to the floor in one fiery streak and throw a fit worthy of a drunk house elf who'd been let go. She wanted to scream and cry and kick her feet into the wood and beg to stay because what was the point in leaving now that she'd finally found home?

"Thank you," Harry repeated. "We'll have to get together again soon, all right?"

"Of course." Teddy smiled and shook his godfather's hand before Harry took hold of Lily's trunk and walked with it into the green flames.

James was next, then Ginny nodded at Lily. "Why don't you go ahead, sweetie? We want to make sure your pass works all right."

Lily hugged Teddy quickly, pulling back after a few seconds and daring to glance up at him. "Tell everyone I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, and give them all my love."

Teddy smiled down at her and reached out to smooth her hair, catching himself at the last moment and ruffling it instead in an awful brotherly manner.

"And thank you, for taking me in."

"Of course." Teddy repeated, squeezing her hand. "Like I said to Harry, anytime."

Lily nodded and pulled her hand from his grasp, said, "I'll see you at home," to Al and Ginny, and stepped into the flames. She closed her eyes so she wouldn't see the searching look Teddy was surely sending after her – the painful question in his eyes, the horrible _what does this mean_ on the tip of his tongue.

And that was the question, wasn't it? _What the bloody fuck does this mean__?_

**A/N:** I appreciate reviews!


	5. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter._

Chapter Five  
"It isn't enough for your heart to break, because everybody's heart is broken now." – Allen Ginsberg

Lily had barely hit the floor of her family's kitchen before Ris and Hugo had their arms around her, talking into her ears so quickly she could barely catch onto anything they were saying. She slid out of the group hug and followed them outside to her family's messy garden, where she listened distractedly to their stories about Fred and Roxy's daily rows and how Dom and Victoire had nearly killed each other over some details of Dom's wedding.

"You can bet that Dom is wishing that she had chosen you for her maid of honor, rather than Vic." Ris grinned. "I've watched them fight every time your family got together this summer – it's getting bloody awful and they've still got four months until the wedding."

"It's not that bad." Hugo stretched, his right hand absentmindedly weaving its way through Ris's bright green hair. "But we haven't heard anything about your summer, Lil. How was it?"

"It was brilliant. Teddy's nice, and his friends are fun. I learned a lot about potions making."

"Only you would think that learning something during the summer is a good thing," Ris snorted. "Oh, Lily, we've missed you."

"Of course you have." Lily smiled. "I missed you both, too. But," she bit back a yawn, "I'm really exhausted. Can we finish catching up tomorrow?"

"Oh, sure." Hugo rolled his eyes. "We come all the way over here to see you, and you don't even want to talk to us."

"Honestly, all I really want to see right now is my pillow."

Hugo grinned, ruffling Lily's hair lightly and catching hold of Ris's hand. "Come along, darling, let's let Lilykins get her beauty sleep."

"Merlin knows she needs it." Ris waved at Lily before Hugo disapparated them both, and Lily stuck her tongue out as the crack of magic echoed through the evening air.

She muttered "Bed" to her parents before hurrying up the stairs to her bedroom, where she locked her door behind her with the series of charms that she used on her trunk while she was at school. Lily pulled her pillow over her face and inhaled the musty smell of her bedroom after a summer of disuse.

It was so strange to think that the last time she'd been sprawled across her bed with her face buried in that pillow, she had been dreading a summer spent with a stranger, had been wishing she could spend her whole summer with Hugo and Ris, watching them fall more in love while she perfected the walls between herself and the rest of the world. Her imagined summer had been one of distancing, one where lies filled the air around her, one where her eyes remained ice.

She hadn't known what the hell she had needed. Now she did.

And she couldn't have him, not anymore.

"Fuck." Lily tossed her pillow to the floor and squirmed her way to the edge of her bed, reached over the side to where her trunk sat on the floor and tugged the lid open, rifling through the jumpers and trousers and a few of Teddy's shirts that had gotten mixed in with her things until she found the book that he had given her.

She held it to her chest for a moment before flipping open the front cover. She had expected an inscription, at the very least a _To: Lily From: Teddy_ in his familiar scribble. But the front pages were blank. Lily tugged her wand from beneath her pillow on the floor and cast every revealing charm that she knew, but no words appeared.

She skimmed the potions listed in the Table of Contents, feeling a little calmer as her eyes registered the familiar – and some unfamiliar – words. She ran one pale finger down the list, pausing over _Amortentia._ Page three-hundred and ninety-four.

He wouldn't have written anything there, she knew. That would have been absurdly cliché and horribly sickening…but sweet, just the same. She flipped through the pages, telling herself that she didn'texpect to see his handwriting there, that she didn't even want to see his handwriting there.

Still, her heart fell a little when she saw that the page only held the ingredients and instructions for brewing the powerful love potion. She flipped back to the front and slid beneath her covers, turning the pages slowly, scanning the potions and itching to go back to Teddy's basement so she could try making some of them.

She probably ought to have known the second she saw _Veritaserum_ on the Table of Contents, but then Lily had never claimed to be all-knowing. So she was surprised when she flipped to the page describing the familiar truth potion and saw Teddy's handwriting curving around the heading – she ached at the sharp angles of his scrawl.  
_Lil – I know that you could probably invent a better way to make all of these potions, but I thought you might want to learn the conventional ways before taking your exam to become a Potions Master – which you will pass, of course – at the end of this year. Remember what we've said this summer, and what we've meant. I'll come visit, you'll come visit. Stop worrying. – Ted_

She ran her fingers over the inked words, then shut the book and dropped it on the floor, throwing herself back against her pillows and waving her wand to darken the room. This whole thing, it wasn't a huge problem. They'd make it work.

She wrote four letters to Teddy the next morning, and none of them sounded quite right. She wanted to suggest a promise without actually making a vow, because she wasn't willing to put herself out there so entirely. But every note was too sweet or too icy and neither option was acceptable. Between visiting with the many family members who stopped by to welcome her back to the country that day, she scribbled on slips of parchment and burnt them to ashes.

"Lily, are you all right?" Albus stopped by her room in the evening and she glanced over her shoulder, dusting the pile of ashes on her desk into her bin without looking at it.

"Of course, why?"

"You've seemed distracted since you've come home." He lay down on her bed, his feet on her pillows, his chin resting on his crossed arms and his eyes scanning her face suspiciously. "Did something happen this summer?"

Lily smiled coolly. "It was two and a half months, Albus. Of course something happened."

He rolled his eyes. "I meant something life-altering."

"It's different, being somewhere that people don't recognize me." She shrugged. "I guess that doesn't really ever happen for you, since you look exactly like Dad and all, but for me…it was nice, not being picked out as a Potter-Weasley immediately. I just realized that it's possible to avoid being defined by our family."

Albus stared at her for a moment. "I never even knew that bothered you."

"Of course it does." She pulled another sheet of parchment from her desk drawer and dipped her quill in a bottle of black ink. "Doesn't it bother you?"

He laughed. "To be perfectly honest, I've always enjoyed the benefits of being a Potter-Weasley too much to let it get to me."

"Well, that's good." Lily scribbled Teddy's name at the top of the paper and let the quill rest on the sheet, pooling ink at the tail of the "y." "If only we were all so lucky."

Al stood. "If you need to talk about anything, Lily, James and I are always here for you. You know that, right?"

He moved toward her door and she kept her eyes on the parchment. "Yeah, yeah, I know that." Not that she would ever really talk to them.

She scribbled the note out quickly:  
_That was an unexpected ending to the summer. I hope that you're all doing well, and that you were able to sort everything out with Nott and Ana so she's not upset about the whole Potter deal. I miss you. I miss the potions and the cottage and the rest of the town, too. Thank you, again, for the wonderful birthday dinner and the book. Hopefully we'll work out some way to get together soon.  
Love from,  
Lily_

She sealed the letter and smoothed Dionysus's gray feathered head before sending him out into the night air.

[x]

The night before the start of school was also the first night of the full moon, and Lily didn't even bother trying to sleep. She slipped onto the narrow section of roof that jutted out beneath her bedroom window, and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on the soft flannel of her Slytherin pajama-covered knees. The moon glowed orangey silver over the leafed tops of the trees behind her house, and the cool air made her long for Teddy's warmth. She thought about him, alone in his bedroom listening to Ana, Josef, and Tomas cry to the moon – just the way he had for the last seven years. She felt as if she had abandoned him.

She heard noises in her bedroom and glanced back through the open window to see her dad picking his way through the mess she had made while trying to pack earlier in the day. "Mind if I join you?" he asked. Lily shrugged in response, but she moved over on the roof to make room for him.

He looked oversized and very out of place on her roof. She waited for him to say something, but he remained silent, staring out over the lawn to the woods and maybe he saw something beyond all that too.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Lily nodded. "It is." She couldn't divorce the moon's beauty from its cruelty. "Bit of a bitch, though."

Harry chuckled. "Language, Lil," he said because he had to. "How is our yard a 'bitch'?"

"Oh, not our yard. The moon."

"The moon," Harry repeated. "You're right, it is. Was this summer hard on you? I'm sorry your mum and I thought it was necessary."

"It wasn't hard on me." Lily gripped her right wrist. "Although I wish you and Mum would trust me. I understand why you don't," she hurried to explain when he seemed about to jump into another discussion of her "drug use." "But I wish you did."

"I'm sure sometime soon we will. But for now it's difficult. We just keep thinking of how you've changed."

Lily could have pointed out that she was more responsible than either of her brothers; she was quieter than them; she had gotten more OWLS. She didn't, though, because her father understood the boys – they were like himself and Ginny. Lily was something else entirely.

They sat there, staring out at the moon, and Harry told her about Teddy's father, about how good he had been, but how he had been a bit of a coward too. How he had been so stubborn, refusing to admit his feelings for Teddy's mother for so long because he thought she could do better, believed he was too old and she was too young and that a werewolf would never make a good husband. He told her how happy he had been when Teddy was born, how much he had loved his son.

Harry stayed with Lily until dawn, never mind that she was going back to Hogwarts in the morning and that he had to work. He remembered full moons during Teddy's childhood, when he had sat up with the boy, reassuring him that the restlessness he felt was natural, not some quickening of the werewolf in his blood.

Harry broke the comfortable silence just before dawn pinked the horizon and the moon got lost in the early blue of the morning sky. "I'm worried about Teddy. I know Andie is too. Did he seem…happy? Lonely?"

"I asked him if he would change his job, his life, if he ever wanted to leave. He said he doesn't, and he's even worse at lying than James is. You don't need to worry about him." Lily herself would do enough worrying for her father, Teddy's grandmother, and anyone else who might be inclined to focus their anxieties on the young potions master.

She followed Harry back into her room and he asked softly, "Will you be all right?" For all the other full moons, for every night spent whole and lonely while countless people around the world tore into werewolves.

Lily smiled up at him. "Slytherin is in the dungeons," she told him. "I'll be fine." Not that shielding the moon from her view would make any real difference, but her father didn't need to know that.

"Ah, yes. The wondrous advantages of Slytherin House." Harry chuckled. "I'll leave you to get ready. I suppose you want coffee?"

"Yes, please," Lily replied, moving to her desk and gathering a stack of books in her arms as her father disappeared into the hallway.

She didn't think, as she walked through the barrier at Nine and Three-Quarters, how this was her last first day. She didn't join in Hugo's heartfelt goodbyes to their family and she barely smiled as Harry and Ginny waved to her from the platform and the Hogwarts Express began moving.

Lily and her friends snagged a compartment at the back of the train, and Hugo and Ris opened the hidden storage area in Ris's trunk and pulled out the stock of PWP Potions that had lasted the summer. Their usual clients would undoubtedly come searching for them soon, after a summer of snogging un-enhanced by Touch Explosion, daydreams unaided by Dream Drops.

Hugo took the money and Ris handed off the potions as Lily calculated how much more of each potion they would need to brew sometime in the next few weeks. It was a surprising amount.

"What are you both doing tonight?" Lily asked during a lull in the stream of anxious, potions-hungry students.

"The annual back-to-school party," Ris responded without looking up from the bottles that she was sorting. "Why?"

"No," Hugo said, recognizing Lily's expression. "Oh, no. We are not spending our first night back brewing potions. If we run out, we make a waitlist."

Lily shrugged. She wasn't thrilled with the idea of spending her night in the Slytherin common room while her housemates and a few guests drank Firewhiskey and snogged in corners and on the couches and set the walls dripping with condensation.

She dreaded it all through the sorting and the feast, and she didn't bother staying at the party long enough to watch her friends fall on top of each other. When the first bottle of Touch Explosion fell empty on the floor Lily pushed through the crowd to the door into her dormitory. She was asleep in seconds.

Only a few Ravenclaws made it to the Great Hall before her the next morning, and she took her time eating breakfast, watching as Professor Sloane, the Slytherin head of house, flipped through their timetables.

Ris slid into the seat next to her just as she was finishing her coffee. "What happened to you last night? You were there for five minutes and then I couldn't find you anymore."

"Hooked up with Vaisey," Lily lied, grinning at the shock that widened her friend's eyes.

"You didn't," Ris begged. "He's disgusting."

"But a really fantastic snog."

"You did not," Ris repeated.

"Merlin, of course I didn't." Lily shook her head. "I was tired. I went to bed."

"How boring." Ris sighed. "If I had known first year what the rebellious Lily Potter would become, I never would have sought you out."

"Oh, please. Your years at Hogwarts would have been miserable without me. And you would never have started dating Hugo."

"Yes, but my mother would have been much prouder of me." Ris said something else, but Lily couldn't hear her over the sudden whoosh of feathers above them as the owls arrived with the post. She caught sight of Dionysus's gray feathers among the flock and smiled as the bird landed in front of her.

"Who's that from?" Ris nodded at the letter that Dionysus deposited on Lily's thankfully empty plate before he dipped his beak in her coffee and snatched at her friend's bacon.

Lily glanced at the front and replied, "I think it's from Teddy. What were you saying?"

"Aren't you going to open it?"

"Later."

Ris stared at her. "Is there something you're not telling me about this summer, Lily?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I've told you everything, honestly. I just don't want to read the letter right now, when we've only got a few minutes before class. Speaking of," she reached for the timetable that Sloane had handed out, "I've got NEWT Transfiguration first. Where are you?"

"Herbology," Ris responded. "I still don't get why you're taking Transfiguration."

"And I don't get why you're taking Herbology."

"Because Hugo is."

"Oh, right. Hufflepuffs_._" Lily stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you both in Potions, then?"

"Unless we decide to go be all Hufflepuff-y somewhere." Ris glared at her and Lily rolled her eyes.

"If you do, I don't want to hear about it," Lily called over her shoulder, leaving the Hall and hurrying up the stairs. She didn't go straight to Transfiguration; she still had several minutes and she needed to read Teddy's letter before curiosity burned her mind to pieces. She stopped in an alcove behind a tapestry of seven snitches eluding seven seekers and settled onto the stone floor, tugging her wand out and casting a lumos charm so she could make out the writing on Teddy's note.

_Dear Lily,  
You're welcome for the book – I'm sure it will be useful. I'm sorry I wasn't able to get you something else; I had had something planned, but I didn't think that it would have been appropriate with your family there. Speaking of, everything is okay with Ana. Nott and I managed to explain to her that we wanted to keep the people living in the town a secret and that your family would have recognized him and possibly a few others. She accepted it, since it is partially true, although she may be a little suspicious seeing as how she saw Al. The others believed us completely, and they were all upset that you had to leave without saying goodbye. They keep begging me to get you to come back over winter holidays, and I keep telling them it's impossible, but they refuse to believe it. _

_The first night of the full moon went all right; it'll all be over by the time you get this. The potion that we worked on is better than the last one, so it seems as if we are definitely on our way to a breakthrough. I'm trying not to get too hopeful, though; the fact that they're transforming with barely any pain is promising, but it really means nothing since they're still transforming completely. I know you know this. I'm just trying to convince myself._

_Merlin, Lil, the house feels empty without you here. I'm thinking about getting a cat. Do you think a cat would handle the howling all right? I mean, it's only three nights a month, right? It'd be fine._

_How are classes? And your friends? _

_Be careful with everything else, and keep writing. Hopefully I'll be able to work out some way to come see you before next summer.  
Love,  
Teddy_

Lily read the letter once quickly and a second time more slowly before she cleared the words from the page and stuffed the parchment into her bag. She checked the corridor to make sure that there was no one coming and slipped out of the alcove, hurrying down the hallway until she reached her Transfiguration classroom, where she slid into a seat at the back of the class and pretended to care that Professor Sellings was lecturing her on how she was not starting the term off well and that she wouldn't be able to slack off in NEWT level and that she really ought to try to get to class on time from now on.

But she didn't care because Teddy and she were going to be all right.

She wrote her letters to him in the empty dungeon she and the others had commandeered for PWP back in fourth year. She assumed that he wrote his letters to her at the kitchen table, but she tried not to picture him too much, because the thought of what he looked like distracted her so much that she once added poppy petals to the Dream Drops two steps too soon and set the whole potion into a congealed mass in the bottom of her cauldron.

Hugo and Ris found her there one afternoon in late-October. She was practicing for the end of the year exam by brewing a complicated potion from the book Teddy had given her.

"Lily, you need to do something with us this weekend," Ris said, perching on the table and pushing Lily's papers to the side. "You've been working too hard this year."

"You have," Hugo agreed. "I'm the Ravenclaw. I'm supposed to be killing myself. You're supposed to be out there doing illegal things like rigging Quidditch matches and poisoning the professors you don't like."

Lily continued stirring the potion with her right hand while she tugged the parchment that contained the beginning of a letter to Teddy from the stack on the table and surreptitiously stuffed it in her pocket.

"Come on, Lil. Do something this weekend," Ris pleaded.

"Or say something," Hugo added.

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend in two weeks, right? I'll go with you there."

"That hardly counts," Hugo began, but Ris cut him off.

"Fine. If that's the best you can do. Hogsmeade it is." She glanced down at the open book on the table. "You're not working on PWP, are you? Aren't we completely stocked? Are you inventing something?"

"No." Lily had reached the thirty-third stir and she lifted her carbon stirrer from the cauldron carefully. "I'm not creating anything new for PWP. I think we need to figure out how we're going to retire that."

"What do you mean?" Hugo asked, his tone surprised.

"We can't very well continue selling illegal potions to students once we've left Hogwarts," Ris said.

Hugo shook his head. "I hadn't even thought about that. Merlin, they'll massacre us. Why didn't we train one of the younger students to take over?"

"Because we don't trust them," Lily said. "Anyway, we've got several months. I just thought it would be unwise to add anything to the catalogue this year, since I'm planning on stopping it soon. I wanted to make sure you both knew that it was almost over. I can't believe you hadn't realized, Hugo."

"I've had a lot on my mind lately."

They all had. NEWTS and the prospect of careers and the possibility that all of them would go different places after leaving Hogwarts had petrified the seventh years. Most of them reacted by spending as much time as possible with one another, even if that meant doing all their work together and taking twice as long to get it done. Lily was the exception. She had all but disappeared from the halls of the school, and, aside from classes and the occasional meal, only Hugo and Ris ever saw her.

It wasn't as if she was depressed, or sad, or missing Teddy so much that she could barely function. Lily was determined. She needed to get a perfect score on the potions master exam. She also needed to pass all of her NEWTS in order to qualify to take the exam. Rather than spending her time studying in a group with her friends she studied alone, behind locked doors and silencing charms.

If the Headmistress hadn't been invested in her family's well-being for three generations she never would have summoned Lily to her office. When the third year – Creevey, Lily thought, though she wasn't sure, since he was a Gryffindor and had never bought anything from PWP – delivered the message she considered ignoring it. She could have pretended that she had never received it, or that she had forgotten. But then Hugo sent her a threatening look across the crowded Charms classroom, and Flitwick waved his hands, dismissing her easily, and she realized she didn't have a choice.

She nodded at Creevey – if that was the small boy's name – and gathered her things, heading up the staircase and down the corridor, muttering "Bravery and Strength" at the gargoyle. But the thing didn't move aside and she didn't bother to think of more imbecilic Gryffindor qualities. She slid down the wall to sit on the floor; after all, McGonagall would have to come find her eventually.

But when the gargoyle moved fifteen minutes later it wasn't just McGonagall who stepped through the opening. Lily didn't recognize the man who followed her at first – his face was gaunt and lined, his shoulders were stooped and his hair white – and then he turned to face McGonagall and his eyes stared, dark and familiar, from his pale face. She bit her lip as recognition struck her. This was not the Theodore Nott she remembered. He had been fierce and proud and a Slytherin to his heart. This man was broken. And Lily didn't doubt what had transformed him into this pieced-together man who seemed lost in the Hogwarts corridor.

She pushed herself to her feet as McGonagall said in a tired voice, "I'm sorry I don't have any news for you, Theodore. I truly hope that you are able to find him, and I will let you know if I hear anything."

He wiped a dry hand across his face, obscuring his eyes for a moment. "I just figured it was worth a shot. I'm not surprised. After all, why would he come here?"

Lily chose that moment to step forward out of the shadow of the gargoyle. "Professor McGonagall," she interrupted, "you wanted to see me?"

McGonagall turned, her eyes widening for a brief moment, surprised at Lily's rudeness, or maybe at the scowl on her lips. "Miss Potter, you remember Sebastian Nott's father?"

At the mention of Lily's last name Mr. Nott's right eye began to twitch, and the tic became more pronounced at McGonagall's reference to his son. "Of course." Lily forced a smile, her eyes still cold as she extended her hand to the man. "How is Sebastian?"

Mr. Nott narrowed his eyes. "If you heard anything we just said, Miss Potter, then you must realize that I am not at all sure of my son's whereabouts." He ignored her outstretched hand, and she dropped it slowly.

"I don't make it a habit to listen in on conversations that do not concern me, Mr. Nott." He rolled his eyes as she continued, "I am sorry about Sebastian, though. I had no idea."

"Have you heard anything from him recently, Miss Potter?" McGonagall interrupted. "You two were rather close when he was at school."

Lily blinked. She didn't know where the hell McGonagall had gotten that idea, because in all honesty they hadn't been. She had liked Nott and they had been distant friends, but they hadn't been anywhere near as close at school as they had gotten that summer. "I haven't heard from him since he left Hogwarts. Did something happen to him?" The question was like a bomb dropped on an already ravaged battlefield; McGonagall's face paled as blood rushed to Mr. Nott's face and his Slytherin coldness shattered into rage.

"How ignorant _are_ you?" he hissed as McGonagall made a few helpless motions with her hands, lost in the mystery of a father's love. "Of course something happened. Why else would he have left home?"

"Sometimes people just need to get away. Well," she shrugged, icy calm in the face of all of Mr. Nott's anger, "I'm sure he'll come back when he's ready." Not bloody likely, she realized, considering how well-adjusted he had seemed back in Greece.

"You're sure he won't, rather." Mr. Nott shook his head, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his robe, the left one probably clutching his wand. "You make a lousy Slytherin, Potter."

Lily laughed, choosing to disregard that lie. "Maybe you've just got to show him you're sorry."

"What the hell do I have to be sorry for?"

McGonagall spoke softly, "Theodore, Lily. Please."

Lily ignored her. "Like I said, I haven't heard from Nott in ages, so I don't know. But I'm sure you've done something. And if you haven't figured it out yet, then maybe you should make an effort. It might help you find him."

She regretted speaking the moment Mr. Nott's eyes narrowed. "You know something, Potter."

Her smile didn't slip, her eyes remained cold, but she felt her heartbeat quicken. "I know that Nott wasn't happy at home even when he was at school. I can't imagine that much changed after he left Hogwarts."

"You know nothing about my family."

"I know enough. Professor McGonagall, I think I'll go wait in your office, if you don't mind?" She started up the staircase without another glance at Nott's father, but when she collapsed in one of the ladder-back chairs in the headmistress's office she dropped her head in shaking hands, wondering at the why of it all.

McGonagall reached the office only a few moments later, and when she entered Lily was slouching nonchalantly in the chair, like she hadn't just been on the verge of a breakdown.

"Well, that was interesting," McGonagall pointed out, the way she would snow showers in June or thunderstorms in January. "You ought to know better than to taunt adults by now, Miss Potter. Especially ones like Theodore Nott."

"I was not taunting him. What did you want to see me about?"

McGonagall stood in front of her in silence for a moment before apparently deciding to drop the issue of Lily's rudeness. "I haven't seen you around the castle much these last couple of months. Your professors tell me that you are attentive in class, and that your coursework is some of the best they've seen, particularly in Potions, but I'm worried that you're isolating yourself."

Lily stared at McGonagall, one eyebrow raised. "Aren't you supposed to pat me on the back, tell me good job and keep up the good work and all that?"

"Normally, I would. But you've always done well in classes, Miss Potter. I'm concerned that I've been seeing Miss Parkinson and your cousin without you quite a bit these last several weeks. Have you had a falling out?"

"No, Professor, we haven't. I'm focusing on NEWTS this year. I'm fine," Lily asserted, uncrossing her legs and standing slowly. "Thank you for your concern, though."

"Please, Lily. Sit down." McGonagall sat at her own desk, and Lily fell slowly back into the chair, her eyes locked on McGonagall's. "I understand if you think I am overstepping my boundaries as your headmistress in asking about your social life. That is not the only reason I called you here, though. I wanted to see what you are planning on doing after graduation."

Lily bit her lip. "Have you called every other seventh year into your office to ask them that?"

"Of course not, but I have not called you in simply because you are Harry's daughter. I'm asking because you show an extraordinary amount of promise, and I want to make sure that I – and your professors – are doing everything we can to be sure that you end up somewhere that you want to be."

"Thank you, Professor, but I haven't quite figured it out just yet."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow at her. "You're not planning on taking the potions master examination at the Ministry in June? Because that is the rumor I heard."

Lily stared. Not many people knew about that. "I was hoping to keep that quiet."

McGonagall nodded. "I won't speak of it to anyone, Lily. But please, let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. We all want to see you succeed."

"Thank you, Professor." Lily felt surprisingly calm.

"But you're sure there isn't something bothering you?" Professor McGonagall asked as she opened the door for Lily. "I was surprised at how you treated Sebastian's father."

Lily's serenity disappeared in a rush of anger. "Mr. Nott and I have never gotten along well."

"Even so, Lily, I would expect you to be more mature."

"How was I immature? Honestly, I think that Mr. Nott was the immature one."

"He's lost his son."

"But do you honestly believe that Nott didn't have a good reason to leave home?"

Professor McGonagall's lips thinned, and she nodded toward the door. "Thank you for coming up, Miss Potter."

"Of course." Lily hurried through McGonagall's open door and down the staircase. She breathed a sigh of relief when she hit the corridor, and hurried back to Charms.

Hugo asked Lily what McGonagall had wanted after class and she shrugged. "She just wanted to make sure I was doing all right. Chances are she'll be calling you up next, make sure you've got some plan for post-Hogwarts.

"What about me?" Ris asked, coming up behind them. "Think she'll care if I have a plan?"

"As long as you don't follow in your mum's footsteps, I think she'll be all right with whatever you decide to do." Lily flashed her a grin over her shoulder and hurried down to the dungeons, where a simmering cauldron containing the beginnings of a stamina potion awaited her.

[x]

Hugo and Ris had to forcibly remove her from the dungeons on Hogsmeade weekend. "Come on, Lily, you promised," Ris begged, her fingers gripping Lily's forearm tightly as Hugo tugged the book out of her hands.

"Seriously, Lil. We need you to come with us."

Ris released her arm and directed her wand at the fire Lily had just set beneath her cauldron, extinguishing the flames quickly.

"Why? You guys can be cute and lovey-dovey without me."

"Merlin, Lily!" Ris slammed her open palm on the table, resulting in a surprisingly loud noise that echoed in the dungeon. "We understand that you want to do well this year. We get that you're studying and that you like making potions, but we miss you. Okay? Hugo and I, we miss you. So will you please come out with us and stop acting like we're forcing you to cut off your arm or something?"

"Oh." Lily stuck her wand in her back pocket and nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry." This outburst was so atypical of Ris that she followed her friends from the dungeons and up the stairs and out into the cool late November air without saying anything else. And she didn't mention Potions once the entire day.

They spent several hours in Ron and George's joke shop and Honeyduke's, and decided to grab Butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks before making the long walk back to school. Lily glanced up from her seat in the crowded pub and noticed Theodore Nott sitting alone at a table by the door. He was watching her, and when he saw that she had seen him he waved at her. She stood slowly.

"Lil? What's up?" Ris asked.

"I need to talk to Mr. Nott about something." Lily left her Butterbeer on the table and crossed the cramped room, aware of Ris and Hugo's eyes on her back as she moved.

"Miss Potter." He didn't smile.

"Mr. Nott." She didn't either.

"Please, have a seat."

She settled into the chair, attempting to look comfortable but knowing that Mr. Nott would see through the façade with little difficulty.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"No." But he was already crossing the room to the bar. He returned with two Butterbeers, and Lily pretended to sip the one that he placed in front of her, suspicious of Veretaserum or poisons or…well, she wouldn't put anything past the Slytherin.

"Now, Miss Potter, I'm sure you're curious as to why I invited you over here."

Lily barely refrained from rolling her eyes. Invited was a bit of an overstatement. "I'm sure it has something to do with our conversation outside of Professor McGonagall's office a few weeks ago."

"Something, yes." He sipped his drink and Lily suppressed the shiver that ran down her spine. She needed to keep Nott's whereabouts a complete secret. She needed to be more than Slytherin – she needed to be impenetrable.

"So? What would you like to know?"

"Where is my son?" He leaned across the table, his voice low, his eyes hard and cold as they met hers.

"I do not know." Lily held his stare, kept her fingers still despite their desire to twitch, tap, play against the warm glass of her Butterbeer.

"I know that you do. Stop lying to me."

She shook her head. "I'm not lying, sir."

"Why should I believe you?" he asked. "I know that you were at a werewolf reserve this summer. I do not know where that reserve is; only that it is run by Lupin and that your father sent you there. I know that my son is there. Tell me where it is."

Lily shook her head. "I haven't seen Sebastian in years."

"Fine." Mr. Nott stood. "Will you write him a letter, then? You clearly think you know him better than I do, maybe he'll respond to a letter from you. Just write to him, ask him if he's all right, if he'll come home." He wanted to add a _please_, but his pride stopped him.

Lily looked at him and slowly shook her head, "I won't help you."

He left the pub in a whirl of black cloak, and Lily took a gulp of her Butterbeer without thinking. She bit her lip as she returned to the table to find Hugo and Ris staring at her. "What was all that about?" Hugo asked.

"Just a misunderstanding," Lily lied, surprised as the words fell from her lips. So he hadn't spiked her Butterbeer. That was one point in his favor, anyway.

Maybe she would write to Nott. Just to see how he was, of course.

She started the letter that night, and even though it only ended up being five sentences long, it took her hours to finish.  
_Hey, Nott,  
I've run into your father around Hogwarts a few times – he's been stalking McGonagall for information on your whereabouts, and although she's obviously clueless he won't let up. For some reason McGonagall told him we had been friends, so now he's taken to asking me where you are. I haven't told him anything, but he somehow found out that I stayed with Teddy this summer, and he seems suspicious. Do you think you could write him a note – just one line – and tell him you're still alive? You know that I don't like your father, but he's genuinely worried about you, Nott.  
Love,  
Lily_

She didn't expect anything back from Nott immediately, so she was surprised when Dionysus arrived at the Slytherin common room in the early evening a few nights later, after having swooped down the Hogwarts corridors and staircases. He was clutching a bright red envelope in his talons, and Lily paled when she saw it.

Ris and Hugo were sitting on the couch beside her, and they stared as the envelope started to smoke in her lap.

"Who the hell is sending you a howler?" Ris asked.

Lily didn't answer; she had already grabbed the smoking letter and flung herself out of the entranceway, down a side corridor and into an abandoned room. The door swung shut behind her and she cast a quick silencing charm as the letter exploded and Nott's livid voice ricocheted against the stone walls.

"HOW THE BLOODY FUCK COULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER THAT I WOULD EVER SPEAK TO MY FATHER AGAIN? ARE YOU THAT IGNORANT, POTTER?  
IF YOU INSIST ON BEING AN IDIOT, DON'T TRY TO CONTACT ME AGAIN.  
AND NEVER MENTION ME TO MY FATHER AGAIN, OR MY FATHER TO ME."

The envelope was flaming, and Lily doused it with water from her wand, staring at the blackened mass of paper before vanishing it and leaning her forehead against the cool stone of the wall. Well. That had clearly been the wrong decision. The little Nott had told her and Teddy about his relationship with his father had been awful, of course, but she had thought…well, she had been sympathetic toward the broken man.

"Sympathy," she muttered to the empty room. "What a useless emotion."

She walked unhurriedly back to the common room, where Ris and Hugo were still sitting on the couch, Hugo smoothing Dionysus's feathers while Ris watched the entranceway. She breathed a sigh of relief when Lily came back through. "Who was the howler from?"

"My mum," Lily lied smoothly. "I apparently left some food under my bed before I left for school and it went bad and stunk up the whole house. Took my parents ages to realize what it was."

Hugo chuckled. "Really, Lily, and you think you're ready to get a job and move on with your life."

"Well,_ I'd_ certainly have noticed moldy bacon before now," Lily pointed out, sliding back onto the curved arm of the couch and holding out her wrist to Dionysus, who fluttered from Hugo to her and rubbed his head against her cheek. "But I suppose I should probably have checked before I left home. Anyway, it's not really a big deal."

"No." Ris nodded. "Not really." She was eyeing Lily suspiciously, and Lily managed a guileless smile in response.

"I've got an essay to finish for Transfiguration. I'll see you both at dinner?" Lily stood and headed toward the dormitory without waiting for their response. She had to work out how she would deal with the elder Nott the next time she ran into him, because of course she would. And she couldn't let him find out anything else about his son.

But she hadn't expected Nott to show up immediately. McGonagall summoned her to her office the next morning, and Lily went without much trepidation, expecting some lecture on the importance of the potions master exam or something. But when she reached the headmistress's office she realized that she had been very mistaken. Nott sat in a chair before McGonagall's desk, and he smiled coolly at Lily when she entered.

"Miss Potter, please have a seat." McGonagall nodded at the chair beside the one that Nott occupied, and Lily didn't risk refusing. She sat slowly, forcing her fingertips to remain still on her jeans, her feet to remain flat on the floor.

"Miss Potter," Nott began, and Lily had to force herself to keep a straight face. "I asked Minerva if she could arrange this meeting because I believe we got off on the wrong foot last month, and I wanted to apologize for my behavior."

Ah. So they weren't mentioning the impromptu meeting in the Three Broomsticks. Or, he wasn't. She, on the other hand… "Sir," she said, ignoring the shocked glance McGonagall sent her way, "I thought that we worked this out in Hogsmeade last weekend. I informed you that I still don't know where Sebastian is."

He flushed, his cheeks reddening under McGonagall's curious stare. It hurt Lily to see an older Slytherin unmanned in such a way, but the force of Sebastian's howler from the night before was still strong in her mind, and she couldn't risk allowing his father the upper hand in any way. "I thought that we ended that meeting on the wrong foot as well." His voice remained cool, even if his face was red.

Lily smirked. "I imagine that most meetings between us will not end well. I do not know where Sebastian is. I _do_ know that I did not see him this summer."

"Fine." Mr. Nott's hands were fists on his trousers, and Lily wondered that his wand wasn't clutched in his hand. She wished for hers, but that would have put McGonagall more on edge than she already was. "But you know where the werewolf reserve that Lupin works on is, correct? Will you tell me where that is?"

"No, I will not." Lily cut off his angry retort. "It is classified information. The ministry does not want anyone to know where it is and I will respect their laws. However, I could write Teddy a note, asking him if he has seen Sebastian. I could do that."

Nott stared at her. "Will you do that?"

"Of course. I will be in touch." Lily smiled at him as she stood, turning to McGonagall, "May I leave, now?

"Of course, Miss Potter," McGonagall's voice was soft, and Lily ignored the way Nott's eyes tracked her. Maybe she had given in too easily. Maybe she should have waited for him to suggest it. But he might never have gotten there, and she couldn't have risked that.

She wasn't going to write to Teddy, of course. There would have been no point in that. But she did hurry down to an abandoned classroom and take out Teddy's most recent letter, the only one that she hadn't erased. She stared at his handwriting for a long moment and then took out her newly sharpened quill, dipped it in black ink, and began mimicking Teddy's scrawl on a fresh sheet of parchment. She dated the note December 5th, six days past the actual date, and wrote:  
_Dear Lily:  
It was good to hear from you. I was surprised at the content of your note, actually, because a young werewolf who met your description – although a little more scarred and a little older – had been here just a few months ago. He gave his name as Tyler Cowles, not Sebastian Nott; although many of the werewolves who stop through here without staying do give false names, so I wouldn't be surprised if he is the same man. Unfortunately for you and his father, he only stayed for a week before moving on. I believe that he was headed for Italy, but this was back in late September, so he could be anywhere by now._

_I will let you know if he returns or if I hear anything._

_Give your family my love._

_Teddy_

Lily tucked the letter into her pocket before hurrying up to the owlery, where she handed Dionysus the letter and whispered, "Take this somewhere for a while, all right? Make it look like it's been traveling a while."

Dionysus hooted softly before soaring out into the late afternoon sky, and Lily watched until he was just a V in the distance.

He returned two weeks later, the envelope wrinkled and watermarked but still unopened and clutched in his talons, and Lily slit the seal on and looked it over before enclosing the wrinkled note in another envelope, this one addressed to Nott. She scribbled _I just received this from Teddy. I'll let you know if he sends me any more information._ on a second sheet of parchment and sealed the new envelope. Dionysus flew from her hands again, and this time she didn't watch him go, just turned and headed back down to the dungeons, where her friends were preparing for the pre-Christmas Slytherin party.

The term had passed too quickly, she thought as she stuffed robes and jumpers into her trunk that night. Much, much too quickly. She felt as if it had been only yesterday that she and Teddy were discussing werewolf cures and arguing over PWP, and now she was six months away from leaving Hogwarts, with no clear idea of when she was going to see Teddy again and the constant worry that Theodore Nott would appear and force Sebastian's location out of her. She shut the lid on her trunk and leaned her forehead against it, missing the days when PWP was the most significant secret she kept.

The next morning she, Ris, and Hugo boarded the Hogwarts Express and locked themselves in a back compartment.

"Look, I don't see why we can't just stop supplying stuff. When people come round and try to place an order for Touch Explosion or whatever we can just tell them that we're finished," Ris suggested, staring past Hugo out the window, where snow obscured the farmland they rushed past.

"Because someone might destroy us. Plus, we should let them know that what they've got now is the last of it."

"I've been thinking," Hugo spoke hesitantly. "I've been thinking…what if we try and get these potions approved? We could turn it into a business after we leave school. We could even talk to my dad and Uncle George about incorporating the stuff with their joke shop's catalogue. They're really not that different."

Lily and Ris exchanged nervous looks. Ris's eyes were pleading with Lily to respond for both of them, so she did. "I don't want to keep doing this after Hogwarts, Hugo. It was fun while it lasted, but I think I've outgrown most of what we brewed. And…well, most of the fun of it is that it's illegal. If we get all the potions approved…"

"The risk will be gone," Hugo finished. "Fine. It was just a suggestion."

"You'll be happier doing something new, too," Ris murmured, and Lily felt suddenly uncomfortable. The two of them had gotten much closer over the term, with Lily spending the majority of her time in the dungeons, and they often slipped into intimate conversations while she was still there.

Lily glanced out the window and saw that they were almost to London. She stood and slipped out of the compartment, allowing Ris and Hugo some time to themselves, and leaned against a wall in the narrow corridor.

She wasn't looking forward to Christmas holidays. There was the whole romance of the season, made ten times worse by Dominique's wedding, which was scheduled for the day after Boxing Day, and that irksome "Plus One" that had been included in her invitation.

The train lurched to a halt, and Lily went back into the compartment to grab her trunk. She ignored Hugo and Ris's curious looks as she levitated it from the car and onto the platform, where she caught sight of her father pushing through the crowd toward them.

He had almost reached her when she realized there was another man with him. She met his familiar grin with her own and flew across the snow covered platform; her arms were around his waist before she could restrain herself, her voice whispering against his shoulder. "Teddy!"

**A/N: **I appreciate reviews!


	6. Chapter Six

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter_.

Chapter Six  
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked." – Allen Ginsberg

Lily let go of Teddy after an instant and gave her father an even briefer hug before stepping back and looking expectantly from one to the other. Teddy wore a gray scarf over a green jumper and familiar ratty jeans, and his hair was a lighter color than it had been the last time she saw him, but his eyes were the same lovely, familiar brown.

"The full moon isn't until after New Year's," Teddy explained, "and I wanted to be here for Dominique's wedding." He lifted Dionysus's cage from the top of Lily's trolley and reached a finger through the bars to stroke the hooting bird's head.

"I seem to remember hearing that Dominique sent you a howler _demanding_ that you come to her wedding," Harry pointed out, pushing Lily's trunk toward the exit to King's Cross.

"I was planning on coming anyway," Teddy said, "I just hadn't RSVP-ed yet, and Dom was getting impatient. I can't imagine why, though – her wedding's not for a week."

Harry shook his head, laughing. "You were planning on showing up on the day of the wedding, with no warning?"

"Well, everyone likes surprises," Teddy replied.

Lily grinned. "You're so clueless, Ted."

Teddy winked at her over his shoulder as Harry led the way back through the barrier and the crowds that milled around King's Cross. Lily was surprised to see her father's Volkswagen parallel parked outside of the station; her family usually used the nearby Ministry as a Floo point. Harry noticed her confused look and explained, "We're meeting your mum, Al, and James for dinner in the city. It's easier to drive there."

"Oh, Al and James are home already?" Lily took Dionysus's cage from Teddy and slid into the backseat as Harry lifted her trunk into the boot.

"Al gets an extended holiday since the season really picks up after New Year's, and James had a lot of vacation time to use up before the end of the year, so they're both home until January second," Harry replied, flicking his indicator on before merging into traffic. "But how have you been, Lily? We haven't heard from you much this term."

Teddy glanced over his shoulder at her, and Lily abruptly felt nervous. It was wonderful – more than wonderful – to see him again, but this holiday would not be like that final peaceful month of summer. It would be a repeat of her birthday: Lily, Teddy, and her family, and she would have to be careful to keep her defenses in place. She ignored Teddy's probing glance – he was probably wondering why she hadn't written to her family, when she had written him almost daily – and answered Harry, "This term was good. NEWTS are stressful, obviously, but I've managed to do all right in everything so far."

"And how are your friends?" Lily wondered if McGonagall had contacted her parents.

"Hugo and Ris are doing well, too."

"And your other friends?" Harry prompted, and Lily sighed. Yes, the headmistress had definitely been in touch with him.

"I haven't really hung out with a lot of people this year; I've been really busy with my schoolwork." Not that Lily had ever had that many close friends. She had cut those who had sought her out because of PWP or her last name out of her life as soon as she sorted out their motives.

She examined her fingernails, studiously ignoring Teddy's suspicious gaze. He could think what he wanted; she hadn't been particularly sad or lonely this term.

"You know that McGonagall is concerned." Lily appreciated that her father acknowledged his own transparency, but over the years she had come to see this as yet another manipulative technique honed in his Auror work; after all, who wouldn't trust a man who couldn't tell a convincing lie?

"She spoke to me, yeah." Lily couldn't imagine how uncomfortable Teddy must have been feeling, sitting in on this father-daughter lecture. He had shifted in his seat and was staring out the window at the gray buildings blurring past.

"Do you think that she has a reason to be worried?" Harry asked, and Lily blinked. Usually it was all evidence with her parents; if someone they trusted said something against her, then she was obviously on the verge of a breakdown.

"No," Lily replied. "I'm good. I'm just not interested in the stuff everyone else is interested in."

"Like what?"

"You were at Hogwarts once. Don't you remember what everyone did?"

"When I was at Hogwarts," Harry reminded her, "I spent most of my time trying to stay alive. I'm hoping that is not how your school years have gone."

Lily flushed. "Right. Sorry, Dad."

"So?" Harry prompted and Lily bit her lip.

"I mean, I'd rather spend my evenings researching." Maybe he'd accept that as an answer.

"Than?" Apparently not.

"Drinking Firewhiskey and snogging in broom cupboards," she finally burst in exasperation, "or stealing exam papers and selling them." Teddy grinned at her, but she noticed that Harry's hands tightened on the steering wheel. That last one may have been pushing it a little bit; after all, wasn't that the sort of thing druggies did? Of course, what Lily had actually done with her spare time before last term was a bit more serious – in a legal sense, anyway – than helping others cheat on exams.

"Really, Lily?"

She shrugged. "Well, you did ask."

"But I'm sure that not everyone is doing…that."

"I'm happy, Dad." Lily said. "McGonagall is still thrown off by how different I am from James and Al. But I am happy, I promise."

Harry nodded. "All right. But if you do need to talk, you know your mum and I are always here, right?"

"I know." Lily settled back in her seat and tapped one violet fingernail against the windowpane. "So, where are we going to eat?"

Teddy responded, relieved that Harry was through psychoanalyzing Lily. "Chinese food."

"Oh, good! That's something we never get at school."

"You've been missing salty, greasy food, then?" Harry asked, pulling into an open parking space on the side of the road.

"Oh, you have no idea." Lily unhinged the door to Dionysus's cage and the bird hopped onto her arm. She peeked out of the car before opening the door and letting him go; he flew off in the direction of their home immediately, and Lily felt strangely happy for a moment, watching her owl fly against the inky sky. And then Teddy murmured, "Hey, are you sure you're okay?"

Lily smiled up at him. "I am much better than okay." She saw her mother's small Fiat coming down the street and stuck her head into the car, where Harry was scribbling something down in a notebook, probably for some case or another. "The others are here. Time to stop working."

Harry glanced up to see Ginny pull into the space in front of them. "About time. I thought they'd never get here."

Lily laughed and shut the passenger door behind her and turning to look at Teddy just as the car doors to Ginny's car swung open and the rest of her family piled out.

"Lily!" Albus got to her first, and then Ginny took her arm and led her into the restaurant, happily chatting about some new Quidditch stars they had interviewed that week at the _Prophet_. Lily listened distractedly as the hostess directed them to a table in the far corner of the restaurant and seated her across from Teddy. She focused on their waiter as he listed the specials, and then James asked, "So, what's new at Hogwarts, Lil?"

"Not much," Lily slid her chopsticks from their paper wrapper and tapped them uneasily against the edge of her plate. "I've only got one semester left, which is crazy."

"Do you have any plans for after you leave?" Albus asked, and Lily sighed. She really shouldn't have brought _that_ up.

"Nothing for sure, yet," was all she said, not looking at Teddy.

"Come on, Al, you know we hated to be pestered about that stuff when we were her age," James pointed out.

"I didn't," Al reminded him. "I knew exactly what I was going to do. It was only you who had to stay in Mum and Dad's house for an entire year before you sorted yourself out."

"Hopefully I won't be following in James's footsteps," Lily said. "But Al, what's new with the Cannons? How's Malfoy doing? I've heard the presses – and not just the _Prophet_ – are terming you the golden duo. How does the other Chaser – what's his name, McMahon? – feel about that?"

"Scorpius is good. He's coming for Christmas, since his family's traveling and we've got to be back at practice on the second. He's always asking about you, Lil, wants to make sure that you're upholding the Slytherin spirit now that he's gone. I assure him that you are." He shrugged. "As for McMahon, I don't know. I hope it means that he'll start working harder; he's such a slacker, there's a reason the reporters never mention him."

"Nice," Lily muttered and Al rolled his eyes.

"Hey, it's true."

The waitress brought their food, and they settled into the companionable silence that accompanied a good meal – or any meal that included lo mein and fortune cookies. Lily finished her food first, and she could feel herself falling into a content lethargy, which was suddenly interrupted by the realization that, "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve."

"It is," Teddy said. "Why?"

"Shit."

"Lily, language," Ginny reprimanded, because she had to.

"You're upset that it's Christmas, Lil? Are you feeling all right?" Al asked

"No, it's just that I haven't bought any gifts. Nothing at all. I was planning on going shopping after I got home, but…tomorrow's Christmas Eve."

"Why don't you just make something?" Teddy suggested.

Al and James fell into each other laughing, and Lily spared a glare for each of them before focusing her narrowed eyes on Teddy, who looked from her brothers to her to her just-barely-smiling parents in confusion.

"Whenever Lily tries to make something," James explained, running a finger under each eye in what was clearly an excessive response to Teddy's question, "she ends up creating some disaster or another." Lily scowled at him.

"This one time," Al began, "she wanted to make us all models of our favorite broomsticks for Christmas, but when she put the clay to bake in the oven she set it too high and ended up destroying the oven and the cupboards on either side."

"And then there was the year that she gave us each a drawing of our favorite band, but she used some ink from Dad's office that had been confiscated in a case and we all got the flu and were sick for ages before they figured out what caused it."

"Well, I didn't mean that Lily had to do anything _artistic_. Why don't you bake or brew something, Lil?"

This time Lily's glare didn't leave Teddy's face as Albus asked, "Brew, like potions?" Albus, who had been there when PWP first started and who might have had suspicions regarding its creators if Lily hadn't continually and falsely begged him for help on potions assignments. He might have been suspicious regardless, but he had never confronted her about it. But he was staring at Lily, and she wondered whether he knew. "Lily's hopeless at potions."

Teddy opened his mouth, looking surprised, and Lily kicked him beneath the table as James said, "But isn't Lily taking NEWT Potions? How'd you manage that, Lil?"

"I've gotten a bit better since you left, Al," she answered, keeping her voice light with effort. "But I don't think any of you would want any of the Potions I know how to make for Christmas. Shrinking solutions and befuddlement draughts aren't exactly made to put you in the holiday spirit. I could bake, though. That's a good idea, Ted, thanks." His eyes on her face no longer relayed surprise; they were critical. He was disappointed, but he didn't have a right to be – this one lie had a definite purpose.

"Sure," Teddy said, and Lily knew that if they ever got a moment alone he'd confront her about the potions thing.

They didn't get a chance to be alone that night, though. When they got home, James and Al pulled Lily and Teddy into a game of Exploding Snap that lasted well past midnight, and then Lily had to unpack her trunk and she really wasn't all that anxious to hear one of Teddy's lectures, anyway. She was anxious to touch him for longer than two seconds, to hold his hand and kiss him and ask him important questions, but all of those things were likely too risky for her parents' home.

The next morning Lily was in the kitchen before anyone else in her family had even woken up enough to consider sliding from beneath their warm covers. She flipped through the recipe books that her mother had received from her mother – not that Ginny ever cooked, the kitchen had been Harry's territory from their wedding night on – and tried to decide what to bake for her family's Christmas gifts.

She already knew what she was making for Teddy, Ris, and Hugo, but she didn't think that anyone else in her family would be as appreciative of cinnamon chip biscuits. Cinnamon chip, she had discovered after making them for Professor Sellings as a (failed) bribe third year, was an acquired taste. Her grade on the final exam had proved that, if nothing else.

So for the rest of her family…she turned the vanilla-stained and butter-smeared pages, hoping that something would jump out at her. She was so immersed in the search for a recipe that she didn't notice when Teddy opened the door to the kitchen, ruffling his sleep-mussed hair with one hand and covering a yawn with the other.

"Morning, Lil," he said, and she jumped.

"Merlin, Teddy. Don't _do_ that." She couldn't maintain her glare, though; her face broke into a grin as he set the kettle on the stove and dropped a hurried and illicit kiss to her hair. "Hi."

"Hi." He grinned back. "What're you doing up so early?"

"Trying to figure out what I'm baking everyone for Christmas." She didn't look at him. Maybe he'd be so happy to see her that he'd be willing to let her lie at dinner the night before slide by.

"Do they really know that little about you?" he asked. She continued flipping through the cookbook. Maybe he'd interpret her silence as anger and move on.

No luck. "I'm not trying to start anything, here, Lily. I just want to know," his voice was quiet, and she wasn't sure whether it was because he was afraid of waking someone up or because he was hesitant in bringing this subject up, "does your family really not know that you're brilliant at potions?"

She shrugged. "It's impossible to keep secrets unless you hide more than is technically necessary."

"What is that, a quote from some handbook they pass out first night in Slytherin?"

"It's just something I've learned."

"But, Lily, won't they all be even more suspicious when they find out that you're going into potion brewing professionally? Won't they wonder why you hid it from them for so long, and then won't your brothers make the connection?" The tea kettle began spitting steam, and he lifted it from the hub quickly, before it could whistle and wake the others. "They must already be suspicious, considering that I gave you that book for your birthday. Don't you think they'll figure it out?"

Lily snapped the cookbook shut and turned to face Teddy. "They probably will."

He blinked. "Then why – ?"

"Because PWP still exists. We've stopped brewing stuff, and we're retiring it this term, but it still exists. So if Albus or James or Rose or Roxy or anyone else figures it out now, they could still interfere, tell someone about it. After we've retired, though, and after we've stopped selling, it'll look like we've learned our lesson. When James and Albus confront me – and I've no doubt they will – I'll be able to tell them that PWP is over, that I've grown up, and they won't see any purpose in telling Mum or Dad about it. It'll sort of fade. Anyway," Lily smirked, "they all used our anonymous service when they were at school, so they really ought to be impressed rather than upset when they find out that I – I mean, we – were behind it."

Teddy shook his head. "Merlin, Lily, it's like you've built some sort of alternate universe for your family's sake." He bit his lip and she raised an eyebrow at him. He was about to ask a question, and she dreaded it. His questions always revealed what he considered her weaknesses; they always opened doors that she preferred to leave shut. "Are you really happy like this?"

"I was." She stuck the cookbook back on the shelf and selected another one, and before Teddy could come up with some other question to torture her she asked, "So how is everyone at home?"

He only hesitated a moment before answering. "Good. Nott has been quiet lately, but I imagine it's hard for him, being the only new werewolf there, especially now that you're gone. Ana and the others are doing well, though. They all asked me to say hi to you. And you know how the experiments are going – or not going – I still feel like I'm just creating a new, more complicated version of Wolfsbane."

Lily decided on marbled coffee cake for her family and knelt to tug a stack of bowls from the cupboard. "Has there been any change at all in their features when they transform?" Teddy had recently received permission from the Ministry to use their patented surveillance charm, and he had cast it on the transformation rooms so that he could see the appearances of the werewolves. He had told Lily that if the potion didn't physically affect Ana, Josef, and Tomas soon, he was going to scrap the batch and start from scratch.

"None. I've replayed the transformations for Nott, and he says that he thinks that their snouts are a little less pointed, but I think he's seeing things."

"Hmm." Lily pulled flour and sugar from the cupboard over the sink. "He might be on to something, though. You shouldn't just discount something like that. Oh, and Teddy?"

"Yeah?" He was still standing by the stove, watching as she moved around the kitchen.

"Could you please be careful not to mention Nott's name around here? People are still looking for him, you know." She considered, for the briefest instant, telling Teddy about her meetings with Theodore Nott. She could have confessed her first letter, the one to Nott, and her false letter, the one that she had forged his writing on. He might have known how to fix it. But Teddy was too intimately involved. Nott was a powerful figure despite his family's history; if he blackmailed accurately he could put an end to Teddy's experiments, he could disband the entire community.

And for some reason, it seemed wrong to tell Teddy that there was a chance that he might never cure lycanthropy. Not because it was incurable, or for a lack of invention on his part, but because of bureaucratic weaknesses and self-centered bastards. Lily couldn't bear the thought of seeing the worry enter his eyes, she couldn't be the one who warned him of the unlikely (it _had_ to be unlikely) possibility that Theodore Nott would be that reckless. So she selfishly held it all in, building yet another alternate universe – this time for Teddy's sake. She began filling Teddy in on Hugo and Ris's increasingly fiery romance while mixing ingredients together. She could love him and lie to him. It was easy.

Her parents came downstairs during her rendition of one of Hugo and Ris's recent arguments, during which they had burnt a hole in one of the pre-12th century tapestries down the Transfiguration corridor, an act of destruction which upset Professor Binns so much that he didn't teach any classes for an entire week. Harry stood in the doorway, looking from Lily – who stood by the stove, one hand ensconced in an oven mitt, the other waving around in the air, trying to illustrate Binns's reaction – and Teddy, who was doubled over at the table, laughing so hard that his breaths sounded ragged.

"Everything all right?" Ginny asked, coming up behind Harry and leaning her head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist and watched as his daughter tugged something from the oven, still talking, her eyes bright.

"She looks happy," Harry said.

"She does." Ginny pressed her lips against Harry's tee-shirted shoulder. "Maybe this summer was good for her."

Harry was watching Teddy. There was something about the way his godson was watching his daughter that made Harry tense. But that was ridiculous.

Lily turned then and caught sight of them. "Happy Christmas Eve!" She grinned. "I'm sorry I've commandeered the kitchen. I can make you coffee, tea, toast, or eggs if you'd like?" When her parents didn't respond she said, "Or all of the above. Or you can go back to bed, because it looks like both of you haven't really woken up yet."

"I'll take coffee," Harry said, finally moving to sit beside Teddy.

"Me too," Ginny followed Harry to the table. "What're you making, Lil?"

"It's a surprise," she answered. "I'll need one of you to occupy Teddy later so he won't figure out what I'm making him."

"Oh, he gets something different from the rest of us?" Harry asked.

He thought he saw color suffuse Teddy's cheeks, but he could have been imagining things.

"Well, of course," Lily answered. "His gift has to be more portable. Ris and Hugo are getting them too."

"I'm not leaving for a week, Lily," Teddy reminded her.

"You'd have to go on a diet the second you got home if you finished what I'm making you in a _week_." Lily grinned. "Consider yourself warned."

"I hope you're not making something like that for us." Harry leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. "I don't need any more fattening up."

"Nope, you're all getting salads," Lily responded easily. "No baked goods for the older folk."

Ginny smiled. "I hope you're not including me in that list, Lily. I'd love some of your baking."

"We'll see how well you do in tonight's match, Mum. Then I'll decide."

"Match?" Teddy asked, glancing at Harry.

"Ah, yes, the annual Potter-Weasley Christmas Eve Quidditch Match." Harry grinned. "It's horrifyingly competitive, if you want in, Teddy."

"Who plays?" Teddy asked.

"Ron, Rose, Ginny, James, Al, me, and the last few years Ris has joined us. Hugo and Lily fight over who gets to sit it out." He glanced at Lily. "Lily usually wins, but if you're interested in playing we won't need to worry about Hugo ending up with a bloody nose or a black eye _before_ the match."

"I've never given Hugo a black eye!" Lily protested. "And I think Al mentioned that he had invited Scorpius over, so don't feel pressured to play, Ted."

"It sounds dangerous." Teddy shook his head. "I haven't been on a broom since I left Hogwarts. I think I'll sit it out. Thanks for the offer though, Harry."

Harry smiled. "Of course. It's always nice to have fresh blood on the pitch."

"And you wonder where I get my violent streak from." Lily shook her head. "Speaking of family, are we all getting together at the Burrow tomorrow?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" Ginny looked up from that day's crossword, "Grandma and Grandpa went off to visit Charlie this year – they're all coming back together for the wedding – so we're having Christmas here."

"Here?" Lily's voice didn't quite relay the level of panic that was rising inside her at the thought of their small home swamped with family, but it was a near thing. Her parents and Teddy all looked at her in surprise. "Everyone's coming _here_?"

"Well, I think that Percy and Audrey are spending Christmas with Audrey's side of the family. And I seem to remember Lucy and Molly writing to tell me they were going to the Scamander's – we'll see them at the wedding."

"But everyone else? _Here_?"

"Dominique might not be coming, and I think George and the others are spending the day with Angelina's folks. I know Victoire and Roger are coming, though, and they're bringing Etoile, of course. And Ron and Hermione and Rose and Hugo and Ris, probably, Bill and Fleur will be here, and so will Louis. That's it, Lily, you can stop looking so horrified," Ginny said. "It's really not that many. Why do you look like someone just snapped your wand?"

"It's going to be so _crowded_," Lily whined. "Can I skip out early? Go to a Chinese restaurant with the Muggles or something?"

"Lily," Harry sighed, "it will not be that bad. Honestly."

"Stop being so melodramatic," Teddy said, and his teasing tone just kept her from cursing him.

She shook her head. Last Christmas, she had managed to fake sick well enough to get out of the family gathering. The Christmas before that, Ris and Hugo hadn't been dating yet, so the three of them had sat in the corner and flicked peas and corn at their older cousins. Somehow Lily had a feeling that that sort of behavior might be even less welcome at this point.

Lily forced a smile. "Sure."

[x]

Hugo, Ris, Rose, Scorpius, and Lily's uncle Ron arrived in a rapid series of green flames in their kitchen fireplace just after dinner that night, and Lily, Hugo, and Teddy trooped out to the backyard to set fires in the metal rubbish bins that Lily and Hugo's fathers had conjured from somewhere to mark the boundaries of their makeshift Quidditch pitch.

"So, do you guys usually just stand out here and watch?" Teddy asked.

"Well, normally Hugo plays miserably," Lily responded, "and I play ref."

"Awfully."

"Excuse me, I am a perfectly good ref."

"You're joking," Hugo said, "Last year you basically fixed it so James's team would beat Al's because Al had cursed your pillow to attack you in the middle of the night and you were still bitter about it."

"Just because I judged based on personal merit rather than Quidditch skill does not mean that I was an awful ref."

Teddy laughed. "I don't think there are many people who would agree with that assessment, Lil."

"I don't need other people to agree with me," Lily told him. "I know I'm right."

Hugo snorted, and Lily scowled at him as Teddy set a brilliant green fire in the last bin. The whole backyard looked like something out of a wizard's Christmas fairytale book; the bins had alternating red and green flames, and fairy-lights glowed on the pine trees that hid the Pitch from any passersby (not that there would be any – the Potter's home was notoriously isolated and impossible to find). The others were gathering at the doorway to the house, where Harry was giving instructions that sounded like a blur of noise to Lily.

"Why don't you just stand there and simmer while Hugo and I ref?" Teddy asked, grinning at her.

Lily stuck out her lower lip in a mock pout. "I was just joking, Lupin. Honest. I'll behave."

Teddy smiled at her for a long moment, but then they felt Hugo's gaze on them and he raised his eyebrows. "I somehow don't think so, Potter. You're out on this one."

Harry, Ginny, and Ron sent the younger set over to join them while they discussed the teams, and Ris wrapped her arms around Hugo. "You sure you don't want to play, sweetie? We'd be nice to you, I promise."

Lily caught Teddy's eye and faked a gag, but before she could say anything Scorpius barked, "Parkinson, get on your broom or off the Pitch."

"What's got your panties in a bunch?" Ris asked, letting go of Hugo and mounting her broom. "All the Quidditch groupies going after Al instead of you?"

"Ris, shut up," Lily hissed, because the adults were approaching and Ris had spent the better part of the past year convincing Hugo's parents that she was _not_, in fact, corrupting their son, and comments like that might take ages to repair.

"You guys ready?" At their nods, Ginny divided everyone into teams, and then Teddy stepped forward to release the balls. Lily stepped back as they soared into the night sky, away from the flurry of broomsticks and robes. Teddy glanced at her and sighed.

"You can ref if you really want to, Lil."

But she smiled at him. "Nah, I was just giving you lot a hard time. I'd much rather stand here and watch."

"Of course you would," Hugo muttered, and then he and Teddy fell silent, watching as the dark shapes moved above them. Lily had decided that Malfoy's team would win, because it had Ginny and James and Rose, all of whom could have – or had – played professionally. Harry and Ris and Al gave them a run for their money, but Ron didn't really help out all that much.

Lily went inside when it came down to James finding the snitch over Harry; she had placed her wager at the beginning of the match and was confident that she'd clear Hugo's wallet of change. She began heating up milk for the traditional Christmas Eve Bailey's and hot chocolate, listening for the cheers that would indicate the end of the match.

Hugo was scowling when the others came in. "How did you _know_?" he asked when she handed him the mug full of warm dark liquid in exchange for a handful of coins.

"James always beats Dad in the dark. He's getting too old for nighttime Quidditch." Lily turned and grinned at her father, who had watched their exchange with a raised eyebrow. "Cheers, Dad." She handed him a mug and he raised it in mock salute.

"Happy my old eyes could help out your bank account."

"Me too, Dad, me too."

The family moved into the living room, where Ris and Hugo got into an argument over Father Christmas's favorite reindeer (pre-Rudolph) and might have destroyed the tree if Lily hadn't stepped in and informed them that Comet was clearly the favorite and that if they didn't stop fighting she'd give their Christmas gifts to the owls.

Everyone Flooed home that night except for Scorpius, who was sleeping on the twin bed in Albus's room. When Lily woke up at one and crept out of her bedroom, she wasn't expecting to find anyone else awake, except maybe (hopefully) Teddy.

But when she opened the door to her bedroom, a sliver of light beneath Albus's door across the hall revealed that she had been wrong. She considered the chances of slipping past her brother's room without stepping on one of the many squeaky floorboards that had made up the landmine of her adolescence, and realized that it was more than likely that they'd hear her if she tried. She didn't get the opportunity to risk it, though, because Al's door swung open and Scorpius peered out into the dark hallway, his eyes taking in her shadowed form. Lily wondered exactly how suspicious she looked, standing in her doorway, peering down the hall. Quite suspicious, she'd assume.

"Lil?" Scorpius whispered. "What're you doing?"

"I thought I heard something," she lied softly. "But it must have just been you and Al."

"We were just talking," Scorpius said. "I don't think you could have heard us."

"Well, it sounded like voices, but it could have been the house creaking, I guess." Lily stepped back into her bedroom. "I'll see you in the morning."

She couldn't really make it out in the darkness, but she was pretty sure his eyes followed her suspiciously as she quietly shut her door.

[x]

Lily spent the next morning helping her mother clean and her father cook, and she also put quite a bit of effort into avoiding Albus and Scorpius, who were both watching her like they thought she might have a thousand dirty secrets woven beneath her skin. Christmas day was supposed to be relaxing, but Lily had rarely found it to be anything other than disastrous.

Victoire and Roger were the first to arrive, Roger holding Etoile and a very pregnant Victoire carrying a tray covered in vegetables and dip. "Hello." Vic dropped a kiss to Harry's cheek and Ginny's hair, placing the platter on the counter as she moved on to greet Lily's brothers, ruffling their hair affectionately and gripping Scorpius's hand in both of hers.

Lily had never looked at Victoire as anything more than her older cousin, a woman for whom she felt only slight awe (not that she would ever admit that) and an ever increasing camaraderie – the two had gotten closer in recent years, after Vic settled down with Roger. But as Victoire approached Lily – still graceful and poised even with her pregnancy – Lily realized that she was looking at Vic the way she sometimes looked at Smith – the only person who had prepared a potion better than her in the last two years at Hogwarts – like a competitor. Which was absurd, she thought, as Victoire pulled her into a hug.

"Lily," Vic pulled back, "you look lovely. Have you done something new to your hair?"

Lily reached up to touch her hair – it was in a single side braid, like always, and was probably a bit of a mess after all of the cleaning she had done that morning. "No." Lily smiled, "You look amazing, though." She refused to feel jealous. Victoire would always be the pretty one; she would always shine the brightest. Lily didn't need to compete with that. She would _never_ need to compete with that; Victoire and Teddy had ended long before Lily had even looked at Teddy as anything more than yet another vague figure in her life.

"You're kidding," Vic replied, waving a hand at her oversized self. "But thank you."

Teddy was standing close enough that when Vic moved on to him and Roger came to greet Lily, with his daughter clamoring for attention in his arms, Lily could hear everything that the two old friends said to each other. The whole past between them was so strange that Lily chose to ignore it as she surreptitiously eavesdropped and took Etoile from her cousin-in-law, bouncing the toddler in her arms as Victoire stared Teddy up and down and said, "Merlin, Teddy. It's been ages. How are you?"

"Good," Teddy replied, grinning. "How are you?"

"All right," Victoire responded, and then she burst into laughter, "Look at us, all grown up."

Teddy shook his head, and reached to pull her into a quick hug. "You've grown up, Vic. I've not."

"Is that Teddy _Lupin_?" Roger asked, reaching to take his daughter back from Lily, even though Etoile seemed perfectly content, clinging to Lily's green sweater with tiny fists.

"Yeah." Lily handed Etoile to him, detaching her gripping fingers, and added, "He came for Dom's wedding." Lily knew she had no reason to feel threatened by Victoire, but Roger didn't have any sort of reason to think that Teddy wasn't still pining for his ex-girlfriend. Aside, of course, from the fact that Teddy had broken up with Vic eight years before. But judging from Roger's expression, that knowledge (and he did know; he had been the one to patiently pick up the pieces of Vic's heart after it all blew up) did little to make him feel better. "It's been a long time, Wood," Lily pointed out, hoping that the man would take the hint without requiring her to expand.

He glanced at her. "What has?"

"Please, just…don't be an idiot," Lily murmured, and patted him on the back, propelling him toward Vic and Teddy. Teddy would put him much more at ease than she could.

Hermione, Ron, Ris, Rose, and Hugo arrived next, and Rose disappeared with Scorpius and Al almost immediately.

"Lily," Ris waved her over and she slipped through the crowd that had gathered in the kitchen.

"What's up?"

Lily took the basket of rolls that Hugo handed her and levitated it over everyone's heads to the counter before Ris grabbed her arm and whispered, "We've got a bit of an issue."

"You're going to need to be a tiny bit more specific," Lily replied. "We've always got a 'bit of an issue' for some reason or other."

"It's to do with PWP," Hugo muttered. Lily glanced over her shoulder and saw that Teddy was watching them over Roger's shoulder. She smiled at him briefly before grabbing her friends' arms and pulling them outside to the frost-covered back porch. Her socks offered no protection against the frigid wood, and she began shivering as soon as they were outside, but she looked from Hugo to Ris, waiting silently for one of them to explain.

"Last night, when we got home from the Quidditch match, Rose followed us into Hugo's room," Ris began. "We had left a few bottles of Touch Explosion on his shelves."

"Merlin, didn't you imbeciles learn a lesson when I got caught?" Lily burst out, her pretend calm gone immediately.

"Be a little harsh, why don't you?" Hugo muttered. "Rose didn't say anything – we know that she used some potions when she was at school – she just asked whether that potions company was still running the school from underground."

"And what did you say?" Lily looked at Ris, because while Hugo's lies were passable, she was always the one to speak first.

"I told her," Hugo said, and Lily turned to look at him apprehensively, "that they were still making brilliant potions, but I wouldn't say they ran the school."

"And then," Ris continued, "she asked whether we knew who ran the potions company, seeing as how we always acted like we knew everything."

"We told her we had some idea, but we didn't want to spread rumors."

Lily laughed; not because it was funny – it was anything but funny – but because Hugo could not have told a more transparent lie if he had tried. "And did she snap her fingers and say, 'it's you, isn't it?' and run out to tell your parents?"

"Of course not!" Hugo said. "She just nodded and said, 'I figured you lot would know,' and then she took one of the potions and left."

Lily glanced toward the house. "She knows, then. Do you think she's told Al and Scorpius by now?"

"What makes you think she didn't believe us?" Hugo asked.

"She wouldn't have taken the potion if she thought we had spent money on it, and Rose never purchased Touch Explosion – her preferences were the Sleeping Potions. So she just took it to make a statement. I wasn't positive, but you think that's it, Lil?" Ris asked.

"Yeah, I think that's it." Lily looked at the house again. She wondered whether Rose would tell their parents; she doubted it. But she would tell Scorpius and Albus, and at this point that was nearly as bad.

Teddy suddenly appeared at the doorway. "Hey, are you lot ready to eat? Or do you want to continue freezing your feet off?"

"Ted, will you get Rose for us?" He blinked in surprise. "Please?" Lily added, meeting his confused gaze. "It's important."

He nodded and turned as Ris added, "Just Rose. Don't let Albus and Score come."

Teddy turned around again. "You guys could just come in and get her yourself."

Ris blinked, offended. "But we need to talk to her now, out here. What would be the point in going inside?"

Teddy shook his head, muttered, "You lot are insane," and shut the door behind him.

He appeared with Rose in tow a few seconds later, and Lily said, "Thanks, Ted," before closing the door in his face.

"What's going on?" Rose looked from Lily to Ris to her brother.

Rose was a Gryffindor, Lily thought. She ought to appreciate transparency. So, Lily raised one eyebrow coolly, kept her voice steady, and asked, "When did you figure it out?"

Hugo groaned. Rose blinked in surprise, pushing one hand back through her wavy hair and fixing her younger cousin with a considering look. "I've been wondering for a while. I didn't know until last night."

"Have you told anyone?" Lily stepped forward, attempting to look at least mildly threatening in her oversized sweater and windblown hair, but she knew that the likelihood of her cousin feeling threatened by her was slim.

Rose smiled. "You lot are horribly scared for a group that's always been so nonchalant about breaking the rules."

"Rosie," Hugo began, but Lily cut in, saying, "It's not the sort of trouble we're used to. It also wouldn't be particularly justified, especially since we're going to drop the whole thing this term."

"You are?" Rose asked. "Don't you think that your customers will complain?"

"They might," Lily said. "But if they wanted to do real damage, they'd have to go to the authorities and admit that they'd used the stuff too. So it's unlikely." She kept her expression impassive with difficulty. "But you haven't answered my question. Who else have you told?"

"Not Scorpius and Albus, if that's what you're worried about." Rose shook her head. "I don't think they'd be very pleased with the information that it was you lot who supplied the potions that made our parties such a roaring success at the end there."

"You're not going to tell anyone?" Hugo asked, and this time Lily let him finish. She'd let him sound desperately hopeful – after all, that was how she was feeling.

"What would be the point?" Rose asked. "I don't want you to get in serious trouble – although, by the way, supplying underaged students with illegal potions has got to be the most risky money-making scheme ever– and I've never had any way to blackmail somebody before." She grinned. "And now I've got something on all three of you."

Ris and Lily sighed, but Hugo grinned. "Thanks, Rosie."

She scowled. "And my first demand is that you all stop calling me that."

"Sure, Rose. Sure," Lily said. "Didn't Teddy say it was time to eat? Let's go."

He was still standing by the door, and he led the way into the magically expanded dining room when the four came back inside. He saw the way Albus and Scorpius looked suspiciously from Rose to Lily and back again, and he wondered what he had just witnessed. He knew that Rose must have somehow sorted out one of Lily's secrets – probably PWP, seeing as how Ris and Hugo had seemed even more concerned than Lily – and that the others had considered it necessary to make sure that Rose wasn't going to share the secret with anyone else. That much was obvious.

But the way Lily had looked when she confronted Rose confused him. She might not have noticed; in fact, from the way she was picking at her food he didn't think she had, but Rose had not been about to tell anyone – not necessarily out of the goodness of her heart, or whatever, but mostly, Teddy thought, because she was afraid of what Lily could have done to her. Because the expression on Lily's face had not been one of fear or anger, but one of justified confidence. Rose wouldn't have gone up against that by choice. So PWP was safe for the moment, but Teddy wondered how Rose had figured it out. And if she had, did that mean that Lily and the others were getting reckless? Lily said that she wouldn't mind if Al and Score and James worked it out after she ended PWP that term, but Teddy had a feeling that that was a load of bullshit.

They moved into the living room for gifts after dinner, and Teddy managed to grab Lily's hand to pull her into the mudroom while everyone else ran around, pulling wrapped presents from under tables and chairs.

"What was all that about?" Teddy asked, nodding toward where Rose and Albus and Scorpius were tugging gift-bags from under the piano in the living room.

Lily glanced over her shoulder. "Ris and Hugo left out some Touch Explosion and Rose found it and finally put two and two together. She says she won't tell anyone, and I believe her, so we'll be all right."

"But," Teddy began, and Lily shook her head.

"We'll be all right." Lily promised. "Rose just has something on all of us now. Of course, considering what we know about _her_, it'll probably even out soon enough. Come on, this must look suspicious to everyone else, us whispering in corners."

"Meaning your brother and Scorpius?" Teddy muttered and Lily nodded.

"I don't know what's got them so attentive, but it's like they've been watching us all break."

"Do you want to go out there first or do you want me to?" Teddy grinned and she shook her head in mock-exasperation.

"Honestly, as if you could be any _more_ obvious than synchronized sneaking!" She didn't grab his hand to lead him out of the closet, though, and he felt the loss acutely.

[x]

That night, Lily waited until she was certain that even Scorpius and Al had fallen asleep before creeping from her bedroom. She wasn't going to Teddy's room; that would have been idiotic. But the way she wanted him, it was hard to keep walking past his silent door and down the creaky stairs. It was hard not to think about the way it felt when their bodies were pressed together, it was hard to force all that wanting to the back of her mind. But she managed. She could manage; she would.

The living room was dark when she reached it so she waved her wand to set the tree alight and lay down on the floor, staring up through the branches at the way the light colored the silver and gold decorations and lifting a finger to set a homemade papier-mâché ornament – she'd like to attribute it to Al, but she feared that it was probably one of hers – spinning.

"Lily?"

She lifted her head slightly and caught sight of Teddy's legs in red plaid pajama-bottoms.

"Hi, Ted. Come join me?"

He lay down beside her, his head centimeters from her own, his hand finding hers in the orange-red-blue-green glow of the Christmas lights.

"What are you doing up?" he asked.

"I had a lot to think about."

"Like what?"

'I'm scared that Ris and Hugo and I are drifting apart. Scorpius and Albus are worrying me, and James is being too nice." Teddy let out a breath of a laugh at that one. "But he is," Lily maintained. "And then there's you. Or rather, me."

"What about us?" Teddy's hand tensed in hers, and Lily wondered if she really held that much power over him – if the idea that there was some problem with them actually mattered to him. And then she told herself that of course it did; they mattered to him just like they mattered to her.

"I'm not talking about us. I'm talking about me," Lily corrected patiently.

"Okay. What about you?"

"I need to sort out what I'm doing after I leave Hogwarts."

"You're not planning on taking the Potions Masters Exam anymore?" His hand was still tense in hers.

"Of course I am. Just, what do I do with that?" She lifted their linked hands and examined the way the colors played on their skin – his was tanner than hers, hers was more freckled than his.

"There are a lot of things you _can_ do. What do you want to do, though?"

"I'd like to create something, something important and life-changing." Lily wanted to go back to Greece and work with Teddy. But she was too scared to suggest it; she was still too foolishly afraid of rejection to approach the topic.

"Like what?" Teddy sounded like he was on the verge of laughter, and Lily let go of his hand, rolling onto her side so she could see his face.

"You're teasing me," she stated coolly. "I don't appreciate it."

"I've already put in the request at the Ministry for the funding to cover at least one more Potions Master on the experiment," Teddy told her. "Even if you decide you want to go a different direction, having you there this summer showed me that I could use another pair of hands."

"So I'll apply through the Ministry, then?" Her smile bursts through after a moment and she rolled over so her face was buried in Teddy's shoulder. "I can come home?"

His arms went around her and he kissed her hair. "Yeah," he told her. "Yeah, you can come home."

"As long as I'm hired," she sobered and pulled away from him. "How hard will it be to get the position?"

"They're opening it up after the PM Exam. As long as you do well in that, you should be able to get it."

Lily grinned. "I'll do brilliantly on that."

"I don't doubt it." Teddy lifted his head a little, looking over her shoulder at the shadowed door to the stairs. "Any chance of anyone in your family waking up?"

"Not much of one,"

"Good." He rolled on his side so they were facing each other again and pushed some of her hair out of her face. "Can I kiss you, then?"

"Please," Lily murmured.

To Lily, nothing in this world had ever felt quite so lovely as winter-chapped lips on winter-chapped lips, as hot-chocolate-burnt-tongue on hot-chocolate-burnt-tongue, as familiar fingers tangled in color-changing hair. His hands moved down to her back and hers slid along the skin beneath his tee-shirt and his lips moved to her neck and she saw only lights above them. It was almost like fireworks, she thought distractedly, the way thoughts came at times like that, almost like fireworks, but prettier.

And then suddenly Teddy let go of her and pulled away, sitting up and dropping his head on his knees. She wondered for a moment whether she had done something and then she heard the creak of feet on the stairs.

She moved quickly, sitting up so she was leaning against the couch, her knees drawn to her chest and her fingers caught in her tangled hair. It might not have been suspicious if her cheeks hadn't been red, if Teddy's hair hadn't still been shifting colors. Slowly, slowly, but still changing.

She groaned inwardly when Al and Scorpius both came into sight on the steps.

"Teddy?" Scorpius asked.

"Lily?" Al glanced between them. "Are you guys okay?"

She wished that she could see into their minds, figure out how much they suspected and how much they knew. And most importantly, how much they didn't even guess.

"I couldn't sleep," she explained, "so I came down here because the tree used to make me tired when I was little."

"I remember," Albus said. He turned to look at Teddy with his eyebrows raised.

"I heard Lily come down and thought I'd see if she was all right."

"So what are you still doing down here, then?" Scorpius prodded.

This wasn't fair, Lily thought. They hadn't even _done_ anything, and Scorpius had no right to act like an overprotective brother. And she shouldn't have been so nervous, because they hadn't done anything wrong, but _Merlin_, if Ted lied as badly at that moment as he usually did, there was a good chance that she'd end up locked in that proverbial tower made literal and that Teddy, good, lovely Teddy, would be exiled to Greece.

"Lily was worried about what she's going to do after Hogwarts. I was trying to help her sort through her options." Or he could just tell the truth. There was nothing illicit in that.

Scorpius still looked suspicious, but Al nodded. "Sorry. Scorpius was worried."

"Sure," Teddy said, like he understood. If it wouldn't have made Scorpius even more suspicious, Lily would have given him the tongue-lashing of his life. She wished, not for the first time, that she could blackmail her brother and his best friend.  
But blackmail was useless when she would have been eaten by guilt for using it.

"Do you guys want to come back upstairs?" Al asked, and Lily shook her head.

"No, I'm going to stay down here a bit more. You all go on up, though. I'll be fine," Lily smiled at them. Teddy stood and followed Al and Score, the three of them muttering "Goodnight," to her and each other before walking back up the stairs.

Lily looked at the Christmas tree lights for another long moment. She wasn't sure whether that had been too close or if Scorpius was going to cause problems for them. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get it all out in the open, ever, or if she just wanted to move to Greece and fake innocence whenever her family visited. She hoped that if Scorpius had figured it out, that he would be reasonable. She hoped that he'd approach her and Teddy before going to her parents. She hoped a lot of things. She expected very little.

She stood and waved her wand, dispelling the fairy lights, before going into the kitchen and setting the tea kettle on the stove. Lily picked at her fingernail polish as she waited for the water to heat enough for some pre-bed peppermint tea.

The motion sensor light flicked on outside and she crossed the kitchen, pressing her face against the frigid glass of the window by the door, expecting to see an owl alighting outside with some important message for one of her parents, or maybe a raccoon or a deer picking its careful way across the frost-coated lawn.

Instead, she saw a tall man standing on the back porch, dark, heavy robes camouflaging his figure, his hand gripping an illuminated wand while he raised the other in a fist to knock against the door. Lily gripped her own wand and tugged the door open before he could land his hand against the wood. She knew who it was. Who else would it be?

"What do you want?" Her voice was cool, detached – it revealed none of the fear that ran suddenly in her veins. Terror that he was there to threaten her, deeper fear that he would wake her parents or her brothers or – worst of all – Teddy. He couldn't know that Teddy was there. Theodore Nott could never meet him.

"Do you know what today was like for me?" His voice was gravel; she didn't need to worry about someone hearing him, he spoke so quietly.

"What do you want?" she repeated, still standing with the door open, keeping him outside.

"I spent Christmas without my son, Miss Potter. It is _Christmas_, and I do not know where my only son is. The only evidence that I have that he's still alive is some friend of yours telling me he saw him nearly four months ago."

Lily didn't respond. Anything she wanted to say would reveal how many times she had lied to him.

"My only son. You cannot know, you're only a child, but…my only son."

Lily wished she were brave enough to remind this man that he had threatened her – a child – that he was harassing her – a child – that he clearly thought that she – a child – was manipulating him. What made him think that she couldn't understand love?

She had tried for him. Of course he didn't know that, but she had.

"Why are you _here_, Mr. Nott?" she asked, when it seemed as if he had recovered enough to speak.

"You must help me. Help me find him."

That was different. Maybe he had gained some humility, if he was no longer accusing her of lying. Maybe.

"I don't know how much help I'll be." Could she send him off track? Send him searching in the States or France or Morocco while his son remained safe in Greece?

"You know more than I know, though. You have connections that I could never have. Please, Miss Potter. Please."

She had not prepared herself for the heartbreak held in that one word. "All right," she heard herself saying.

"All right?"

"Yes. I'll help you; although, like I said, I don't think I'll really be that much help."

"All right." He nodded, drew himself up. He looked like the Theodore Nott she had met years ago – proud, cold, and reserved, just a little bit more broken. "I'll be in touch."

"Of course you will," she murmured, so softly that he might not have caught it.

Just as she was about to shut the door he turned to face her again. "Oh, Lily?"

"Yes, Mr. Nott?"

"If I find out that you have lied to me…well." His lips curved into a slow, cool smile. "We all have skeletons in our closets. And I'm sure the press would be particularly interested in yours." He inclined his head. "Happy Christmas, Miss Potter."

**A/N:** I appreciate reviews!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Harry Potter_.

Chapter Seven  
"This is the night, what it does to you." – Jack Kerouac

Lily didn't sleep. When the sun lit her room the next morning she still felt as if someone had poured a vial of fear down her throat; unfortunately, Lily knew that the antidote to bottled fear would do absolutely nothing for her.

As she rolled out of bed she reminded herself to breathe naturally. If she just kept breathing, everything would be fine. If she just kept breathing, and lying, and keeping secrets the way some people collected bottle caps – if she did all of that, everything would be fine. But if she failed – if Theodore Nott found out about PWP or – and this barely even registered, the thought was so horrible – if he found out about Teddy – then Lily's life and her friend's lives would be ruined. She didn't doubt that Nott's powers in the Ministry extended far beyond her ability to prove her own innocence. Perhaps if she had been well-liked, the way her brothers were, then popular opinion may have sided with her.

But she wasn't, and so her lies had to be flawless.

Teddy looked at her questioningly all morning despite her determination to keep her lies airtight. If Scorpius and Albus hadn't been watching them she was sure he would have pulled her aside to make sure she was all right. As it was, Lily was grateful for the double prats' suspicions. At least this way she didn't need to attempt an outright lie, didn't need to pull the "Everything's fine, just fine," out of the back of her very busy, very messy mind.

Victoire arrived unexpectedly that afternoon, and Lily had never been so grateful to see her cousin. "I am here," Vic announced, "to ensure that Lily will fit into her bride's maid's dress for Friday and then we are going to the salon."

"Why am I going to the salon?" Lily asked, although she didn't really mind. This would get her out of the house and away from everyone's probing gazes. Whereas in the beginning only Teddy had noticed how preoccupied she was, she was starting to get the sense that Scorpius and Al's eyes fell on her more often than Teddy, and James had started glancing up from the report he was examining to stare at her for long intervals.

Victoire crossed the small kitchen. "You are desperately in need of a facial. And," she lifted a section of red hair, staring in mock-horror at the ends, "if your split-ends got any worse your hair would probably all fall out. Also, your eyebrows need shaping and we're all getting manicures. Come along now, Potter, go get your coat. I'll be waiting."

Lily scowled at her. "Does Dom really need me to look like a bloody princess? Can't we just give my hair a trim?"

"Oh, it would take quite a bit more work to make you look like a princess, Lily. Go get ready," Vic instructed, and Lily shot her one last glare before heading up the stairs. She overheard Vic say to her brothers, Score, and Teddy, "I thought I'd have to sedate her. She's such a nuisance, usually."

She rolled her eyes as she grabbed her jacket and purse, sticking her wand in the zippered compartment, and hurried back downstairs.

"Ready," she said, whirling past Vic and out the door.

Lily got poked, prodded, and snipped so much over the next few days that the whole thing passed into an unfortunate blur of humiliating moments. "Don't you _ever_ do your nails?" "When was the last time you waxed?" "Have you ever used conditioner? What about moisturizer?" "These freckles will just get worse if you don't use sunscreen!" By the morning of Dom's wedding, she was ready for the whole thing to be over, and she was certain that she was far from the only one who felt that way. Dom herself had confessed the night before, after having a few too many shots, that she wished that she and Jeff had just eloped back in the beginning.

"When you get married," she told her cousins, glaring from one to the other as if the moment was looming dangerously close for each of them, "When you get married, do not let Victoire anywhere near the plans. Better yet, just fly off to somewhere and get married there. Far away."

Victoire laughed along with everyone else. Lily decided that she really did like her cousin.

Of course, that feeling faded the next morning when Vic hauled her out of bed before seven to begin the last (thank Merlin) round of beautification. By the time of the wedding, Lily's reflection seemed foreign. Her newly trimmed hair was swept up into a twist, decorated with crystals that glimmered in the early afternoon light; her nails were perfectly even, painted a subtle shade of silver; her lips tasted like raspberry and they felt like syrup; and she had to remind herself that rubbing her eyes from tiredness would result in makeup smeared across her face and a plethora of unattractive wedding photographs. She did like the dress, though. It was long and strapless, made of a shimmery gray material.

But what they looked like didn't really matter because Dom was gorgeous. Even Vic paled beside her sister. Dom's dress clung to her frame, and the white silk was covered in a gossamer-like lace – Lily thought it looked as if a spider had woven a glistening web over the whole thing. Before they went out into the cathedral Dom was glowing; she was happy even before Jeff saw her walking down the aisle toward him, and he was wearing that grin that meant that he considered himself luckier than Harry freaking Potter himself. And when she saw her fiancé with _that_ look on his face flashbulbs all throughout the building burst, because the photographer that Vic had hired and the photographers from the _Prophet_ and _Witch Weekly_ and _The Daily Owl_ who had snuck in knew that there would never be another face like that – with such an expression of joy on it – to grace their glossy society pages.

Lily focused on Jeff's face throughout the ceremony. It may have been a lingering feeling from the many years spent mopping up Dom's tears after boys broke her heart, but Lily wasn't inclined to trust him. If he indicated that he thought he was making the wrong choice – if he bit his lip or sucked his left cheek between his teeth, if he closed his eyes for an instant or if his hand shook before he slipped the intricately twisted gold wedding band onto Dom's finger, Lily would – well, she didn't know what she would do, actually. She couldn't stop the ceremony, of course. Maybe she could threaten Jeff with eternal impotence if he hurt her cousin. That was a decent idea. Maybe she ought to do that anyway, even if he didn't hesitate at all.

But he looked happy, Lily thought. He looked really, honestly happy as he slid the ring onto Dom's finger with steady hands. Maybe she wouldn't threaten him with impotency. After all, he couldn't have helped falling for Dom. In fact, Lily considered as Jeff lifted her cousin's veil reverently and leaned forward to kiss her, Dom might have been safer with her new husband's libido fully intact.

Because Lily had her gaze fixed so steadily on Jeff's face, she didn't notice the way Teddy's eyes kept coming back to her. But they did, the whole time he was supposed to be watching Dominique shine and Jeff bask, he just kept watching the way Lily stood, with her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes locked on Jeff's face so intently that she was almost daring him to treat Dom as less than a goddess. Teddy wouldn't have liked to be on the other end of that stare, and thank Merlin that Jeff was so absorbed in Dom that he didn't notice it.

And then Lily smiled a little, and Teddy let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. That smile said that everything would be fine, and it made Lily look more herself. She scared him, dressed up like that, because it looked natural on her – the flow of the dress and the jewels in her hair and the gloss on her lips – and he knew that she must have been bloody uncomfortable, but she adjusted to the act perfectly. The way she found comfort in lies terrified him.

Dom and Jeff turned to walk down the aisle and Teddy glanced to his left to see that Ginny's eyes were watery and Harry was holding her hand and Scorpius and Albus looked as if they were both bored out of their minds and James looked calculating and Teddy wondered if weddings were one of those things that you grew into as you got older – if they were, it was another one of those things that he, with his age rapidly approaching thirty, seemed to have missed the proverbial boat on. He turned back to watch as the wedding party followed the bride and groom out of the cathedral.

Lily stepped forward to take Louis's arm and follow the rest of the wedding party down the aisle, and as she moved she brushed against someone. Glancing over her shoulder, she caught sight of the wedding photographer backing away, smiling apologetically as he lifted the camera to get a shot. She smiled back before turning to Louis and continuing down the aisle, wishing that she could go home and slip out of her heels and her dress, curl up in a jumper and leggings and read. But no, she had to go to the reception, and be in more photographs, and pretend like she was happy and serene.

The reception hall was several miles away, in a castle outside the city, and by the time they all arrived they were famished. But they were forced to stand and kneel in perfectly aligned rows while the clumsy photographer Vic had hired snapped photograph after photograph. There was a horrendous attempt at a pyramid which Victoire put an end to almost immediately by exclaiming, "But clearly I should be at the top and there's no way I can get up there like this!"

The photographer took too many photos, in Lily's opinion, and in everyone else's too, judging from the way they all kept glancing toward the stone walls of the castle as if they were considering making a break for it. The man finally lowered his camera and said, "I'll just take a few more photographs of the bride and groom. The rest of you can go." But just as Lily was about to make her way across the frigid garden to the castle, the photographer called, "Except you – the redhead." Which was stupid, because nearly everyone there was a redhead. "And you," he added, waving Victoire over. "I want some pictures of you, as well."

"I'm," Lily started, but Vic grabbed her hand and shook her head.

"Let's just give him what he wants," Vic murmured, leading Lily back over to Dom and Jeffrey. "It'll be easiest."

Several thousand shutter clicks later the man finally let them go, saying, "I think you will be quite pleased with how these turned out." Lily somehow doubted it.

He followed closely behind Lily as they walked to the castle, and just as they passed through the gate between the garden and the building he asked, "You're Lily Potter, correct?"

Vic glanced at him, her gaze already critical and protective, but Lily just nodded. "And you are?" she prompted.

"Sorry, sorry. Philip Patterson."

Lily stepped up the stone steps and hoped that the man would leave her alone. But he continued talking.

"Are you interested in doing any modeling work?"

Lily burst out laughing. "You're joking, right?"

"Not at all. I have some friends in the perfume business, and I know that they've been looking for a new model for their print adverts. You're exactly what they're looking for – both in looks and fame."

"I'm more infamous than famous," Lily informed him, "and I am really not interested in modeling. Thank you just the same." She caught sight of Al, Score, and Rose in the corner of the room and said, "It was good meeting you," before hurrying to meet her family.

Lily sat at a table with the rest of the bridal party during the meal, and she ate quickly, listening to Roxy and Lucy argue about the form of a new law the Ministry was trying to pass regarding levels of alcohol in Butterbeer. The whole thing was horribly boring, and Lily didn't know why Lucy was arguing that the Ministry was justified, because they clearly were _not_. But she wasn't about to get into that row; Roxy and Lucy were legendary when they started going at it about anything at all, and things to do with Ministry legislation were even worse, seeing as how they were both involved in opposing departments.

"So, Lily." Her aunt Fleur turned to her when she was just finishing up her steak, and about five minutes from slipping away from the table and spending a few peaceful minutes in the coatroom. "Are you excited to be done with Hogwarts this year?"

"Very," Lily answered, grinning brightly. "And are you excited that you've only got one more kid to marry off?"

Fleur rolled her eyes. "That is not how I would put it." Both of them turned to look down the table at Louis, who was whispering in Abby's ear, one hand on her shoulder, the other beneath the table. "And I imagine that with Louis we will have quite a long wait."

Lily grinned. "Yeah, I imagine you will." She suddenly felt like she was being watched and glanced up to see that the photographer – what was his name, Philip? – was standing by the table, his lens focused on her and her aunt. She glared at him as she pushed back from the table. "I need to use the restroom," she told her aunt, and disappeared down the hall, pushing into the elaborately decorated bathroom and leaning her palms on the granite countertop, staring at herself in the silver framed mirror.

"You okay, Lily?" Molly came out of one of the stalls and glanced at her younger cousin as she went to the next sink. "This whole wedding thing getting to you?"

"How do you mean?"

Molly slid a tube of lip-gloss from her purse and slid it over her lips before responding. "I know it can sometimes be frustrating to come to a wedding alone."

Lily rolled her eyes. She wished she could say, "I'm not alone." Because she couldn't she told Molly, "It doesn't bother me at all."

"Well, you're certainly stronger than I was when I was your age." Molly smiled at Lily. "I was all whiny and depressed at Vic's wedding because Lysander had just broken up with me for the first time and I felt like a loser."

Lily snorted. "From what I remember, you were whiny and depressed from the time you turned thirteen 'til your twentieth birthday."

Molly scowled, but her eyes were bright with laughter. "Nobody's ever going to love you if you insist on being bitchy, Lil."

"I just tell the truth." Lily grinned at her cousin.

"And that's the biggest lie I've ever heard." Molly pulled on the door handle and held it open for Lily. "After you, my lovely lying Lily."

"Oh, you're so poetic," Lily muttered as she passed her cousin and led the way back to the hall, where the tables had been magically replaced by a dance floor, surrounded by a few smaller round tables covered in champagne fountains and biscuits. Slow music rippled through the hall, and Dom and Jeff swayed at the center of the dance floor.

"I've never seen her so happy," Molly murmured.

Lily nodded in agreement as the song fell off into silence, and more couples made their way to the center of the room for the second song of the evening, which was another slow one. Molly glanced around a bit before catching sight of Lysander and she hurried to him.

Scorpius and Al were standing nearby, and Lily stepped past a few chairs and round tables to join them. They stopped talking when they saw her approaching, and she rolled her eyes. "Whatever you guys were talking about, I guarantee I've heard worse."

"Hmm," Scorpius mumbled noncommittally as Albus shrugged.

"Decent songs so far," Al pointed out.

He glanced sideways at Scorpius, and Lily, suddenly uncomfortable, searched quickly for Teddy. She found him on the dance floor, his hands resting on the waist of a black-haired girl who she recognized as one of Vic's friends. A brief flare of jealousy burst in her stomach, and she grabbed onto Scorpius's hand. "Dance with me?" she asked, ignoring the glare Albus shot at her as she dragged his best friend into the swaying crowd and deserted him to the tragically awkward position of wallflower.

"What're you playing at, Potter?" Scorpius placed his hands on her waist and looked down at her. "You never willingly let anyone touch you. I still remember that time Vaisey wanted to dance with you and threatened to hex his bollocks off."

Lily smirked. "That was Vaisey. He deserved a lot more than that just for breathing."

"I seem to recall receiving a similar response the one time I dared ask you to dance."

"And you don't think you deserved it?"

Scorpius rolled his eyes. "As long as we're here, Lily, I have a question."

Lily tensed and Scorius's fingers tightened on her waist. She kept her eyes calm on his, but his touch on the fabric of her dress reminded her that he'd see through almost anything she said. But she shrugged. "Go ahead."

"Is there anything going on between you and Lupin?"

Lily snorted, but her skin still felt as if it were stretched a bit too thinly over her frame, her muscles tight, and she was certain Scorpius's hands could read the tenseness through her dress. "Please, Scorpius. We spent a lot of time together over the summer, and I'd consider him a friend, but do you really think either of us is interested in anything more?"

The song ended just as Scorpius murmured, "I do, Lily." She slipped from his grip and turned to find Teddy watching her. She forced a smile to her lips just as light flashed over his shoulder. The photographer was there again, his camera trained in her direction.

Scorpius had returned to Al by the time she turned away, shaking her head at the audacity of Philip, and she didn't bother looking for someone else to dance with. Everyone there was related to her, dating someone related to her, or had been a few years ahead at Hogwarts and was therefore terrified of her. Or, she thought, as she saw Teddy claimed by one of Dom's friends, was far too old for her.

Lily passed by Rose dancing with Malcolm and Molly with Lysander and Ris with Hugo and Lucy and Roxy continuing their argument by the side of the dance floor while their dates waited patiently for them to finish, sipping punch from faux-glass goblets. She opened the door to the garden and inhaled the late twilight air, shivering as it fell over her bare skin. She cast a quick heating charm and walked a little away from the door, turning the corner of the castle and leaning back against the wall, the skin on her shoulder-blades barely feeling the frigid stone through the heat of her charm.

She stared out over the gray fields that surrounded the castle, which looked even gloomier in the near-darkness. The only color came from the enchanted roses that lined the stone wall surrounding the garden; they shone red in the dim light from the windows, and Lily found herself wondering distractedly how long it had taken the gardeners to enchant every one of them.

She heard footsteps approaching, and was half surprised when she recognized them. "Hey." Teddy leaned against the wall beside her and knocked his hand against hers. She moved slightly so her hand was buried in the folds of her skirt.

"Hi," she said.

"It's cold out here." Lily waved her wand and cast her charm over him, as well, and he sighed. "And here I was, about to be chivalrous and offer you my coat."

Lily's lips curved into a smile unwillingly. "Or about to be cliché, you mean."

"Don't tell me you wouldn't have loved to wear it." He stepped away from the wall and did a slow turn. "I mean, it has tails and everything!"

Lily chuckled. "It truly is quite stunning. I somehow think it looks better on you, though." His face was shadowed, but the black tuxedo jacket cut a perfect angle over his shoulders, and his untied bowtie dangled dark against the glowing white of his shirt. He had undone the top buttons and she longed to move toward him. She pressed her hands back against the stone wall so the cold penetrated her charm and reminded her that she was in a public place with her family, and that here she and Teddy were nothing more than friends.

"I don't know about that, but I certainly wouldn't want to cover you up."

"Teddy," Lily hissed, glancing toward the light spilling from the nearest thick-paned window. "Hush."

He looked behind him and shook his head. "No one's coming, Lil."

"But someone could."

"I didn't like seeing you dance with Malfoy," Teddy confessed abruptly, and Lily bit her lip.

"It's not like he's interested in me. I didn't particularly like seeing you dance with all of Dom and Vic's friends."

"Hardly _all _of them," Teddy pointed out.

"Enough." Lily shrugged. "Of course, one would have been enough."

"It's irrational to be jealous though. You know that, right?"

"And don't you?" Lily asked. "It doesn't really matter whether or not it's rational. I'm still jealous."

He moved to stand beside her again, and this time when he reached for her hand she let him take it, rubbing small circles over the back of his hand with her thumb.

"We'll both be home soon," he promised.

She pushed away from the wall and let go of his hand to daringly place hers on his shoulders. She didn't need to stand on tiptoe to kiss him in her heels, and his hands rested lightly on her waist for the brief instant when their lips hovered centimeters apart. He pulled her forward and their bodies pressed against each other and her lips were on his and for a moment the risk didn't matter.

"Shit." She pulled away and let go of him, smoothing out the cloth of his jacket. "Shit, sorry, Ted."

He reached forward to push some red hair back into her up-do, and shook his head. "Not your fault," he told her. "And it shouldn't matter."

"But it does," she reminded him. "It does." She ran her hands down her dress and shook out her skirt. "I'll see you in there."

She hurried back inside without looking back and slipped into a group of her cousins at the back of the hall, stubbornly sitting out of the "Macarena" because it was, as Louis put it, "Horrendously tacky."

Lily avoided Teddy for the rest of the night. She also avoided the dance floor, and Hugo, and Ris. Dom came over to her at one point and grabbed onto her hands. "Lily, you look like someone forced you to eat fish guts. What's the matter?"

Lily smiled brightly at her cousin. "Nothing!" she promised. "I'm just tired. Go enjoy yourself, Dom. It's your wedding, you shouldn't care about me today."

Dom shook her head. "Try to smile a little, at least." So Lily did, even though the smiles felt fake.

She stood with Scorpius until just before midnight, when the twelve chimes of the clock would usher in the New Year. Score was clearly looking for someone besides her to kiss, and she was not in any rush to lock lips with the blond Slytherin, so she grabbed onto Dom's friend Millie's hand and forced her between herself and her brother's friend. Lily slipped off to the bathroom, uninterested in watching lovers and strangers congratulate each other on making it to another year by swapping spit.

"New Year's kisses are stupid, anyway," she informed her reflection under the noise of the cheers that echoed from the hall.

She just wanted to go to bed. And it occurred to her that she very easily could. She hurried out of the bathroom and into the hall, spotted Al kissing some brunette she didn't recognize, and grabbed his arm. He pulled away from the girl and turned to glare at Lily, but his eyes were relieved. "What the hell, Lily?"

"I'm going home. Tell Mum and Dad I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" Al let go of the girl and turned to face Lily. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Lily waved her hand. "Just tired. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled apologetically at the girl and returned to the corridor by the restroom, where she gripped her wand and turned, disapparating back to her bedroom. She unzipped the dress and let it pool on the floor, stepping out of the material and collapsing on her bed, still in her slip and heels.

She was asleep before she could work up the energy to unbuckle the straps on her shoes, and she dreamt of barefooted waltzes across the floor of Teddy's kitchen.

[x]

Lily sat on the floor by her bed, and Teddy sat beside her, his arm around her shoulders, his fingers tracing small circles over the wool of her jumper. She wouldn't tell him what was bothering her. That morning she had refused to leave her room, even though he had tempted her through her closed door with a trip into town for coffee. Finally he had undone the magical locks she had set on her room and walked in, finding her sitting there, silently picking at a hole in her leggings. And although anyone in her family might have come looking for them, he couldn't resist pulling her to him.

Lily thought about the wedding and how lovely it had been for Dom, and how much it had hurt for Lily. She could have danced with anyone in that room, but she could not dance with Teddy. Midnight had come and people cheered and kissed each other, but she could not kiss him.

And now she was recklessly allowing him to hold her, and she didn't even look up when the door to her room swung open. Teddy did, though, and his groan reached her through the ear pressed against his shoulder. She didn't need to look up to know that Scorpius would be staring at them with a look sort of like triumph on his face.

He turned to leave without saying anything and Lily spoke, catching him just as he was about to shut the door and go to her brother. "I do not understand, Scorpius."

Teddy had moved away from her, but she reached for his hand before looking up to meet Scorpius's gaze. And yes, he was triumphant, but he was also sad.

"He's eleven years older than you, Lil," Scorpius told her. "That's not…acceptable."

"I don't understand," Lily repeated. Scorpius remained silent so she continued, "Why are you doing this?"

He looked at Teddy and said, "It's wrong."

Lily reached behind her and lifted her wand from her duvet, forcing her door shut and pushing Scorpius all the way inside her room with a quick spell. She reset her locking charms and cast a silencing charm around the room before asking, "Why?"

"Why is it wrong?" Scorpius snorted. "You're _seventeen_, Lily. He's nearly thirty. How is that right?"

"I am not a child. Teddy and I aren't doing anything wrong, we're just acting on how we feel." Lily stood, her wand dangling loosely in one hand. "You're saying it's wrong because society has said that it's wrong. Because someone – someone who doesn't know us and who doesn't understand how hard it is to keep yourself from falling in love with the person who's meant for you, but who, through some cosmic joke, is a little older or a little younger – that person decided it was wrong. It is entirely arbitrary. And _you_ should understand where we're coming from."

"Why should _I_ understand?" Scorpius asked after a moment of silence. Lily could feel Teddy's eyes on her. They'd never actually discussed love before.

"Do you think I don't know, Scorpius?" Lily asked, exasperated. "Do you honestly think you and Al could have kept that hidden from me?"

He paled, if it was possible, his milky skin turning ghastly white, his eyes widening. "How – ?"

"I think I've known longer than you have," Lily said dismissively. "So why – " she broke off as a thought occurred to her, "oh, Scorpius, you weren't going to, were you?"

"Lily." If it had been anyone but Scorpius she would have said he was pleading with her.

"You were? Did Al know?" She shook her head. "No, he can't have. I can't believe – "

Scorpius cut in, regaining his composure. "Oh, come on, Potter." His tone was derisive, his voice harsh. "Like you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing? I saw a way to use your situation to make ours better."

"But I wouldn't have done the same thing," Lily said. "I didn't see you and Al as an opportunity to take the focus off of me. I could have done that so many times, Merlin, and I didn't. I never even considered it."

"Of course you did," Scorpius said. "Can you imagine, Lily, how easy it would be? If the presses find out about you and Teddy and you just respond with news of me and Al? They would be flooded with so much Potter-related scandal that they'd have no idea how to handle it all and focus on me and Al. It would work just as well for us, if they find out about us first. You must have thought about it."

"If I did that to you," Lily said, "I would risk ruining your careers, considering society's horrendous prejudices. And you will ruin Teddy's life, if you tell the papers about us. Mine, it doesn't matter. Everyone already thinks I'm a whore. But Teddy's, Scorpius. How could you plan that?"

"It would have helped me and Al," Scorpius said simply. "I'm a Slytherin, Lily. Just like you."

"No, not like me." Lily shook her head. "I am not selfish like you, Scorpius. I would never even consider doing to you and my brother what you were prepared to do to us."

"Well, that just means that you're weak, or that you don't love Teddy like you claim to. After all, if you're willing to risk every_thing _to be with him, shouldn't you risk every_one_, too?"

"No. No, Scorpius. That's not love." Lily shook her head sadly. "That's dangerous. It's sick."

"So you're saying I don't love Albus?"

"I'm saying you're being a selfish bastard. You're saying you'd do it for both of you but really you'd just be doing it for yourself. Al can handle whatever the presses print. You're terrified, Scorpius, and you won't admit that it's _just_ you that's scared."

He shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking about, Potter."

"Fine." Lily shrugged. Scorpius reached for the handle to her door and she canceled the spells. "Scorpius, what are you planning on doing?"

"I'd only use it if I had to, Potter." He shut the door behind him.

Teddy stood and Lily glanced at him. He had been so quiet throughout the whole exchange that she had almost forgotten he was there. He was staring at the door, his mouth set in a straight line, worry lines grooved across his forehead.

"Teddy," Lily began, but she didn't have to think of anything else to say, because he didn't look at her or wait for her to finish. He crossed the room and strode out into the hall. She hurried after him, half-expecting him to go down to the kitchen and confess everything to her parents.

But he didn't. He knocked harshly at Al's door, and when no one answered he pushed it open. "Malfoy," he said, quite calmly, Lily thought, considering the way he'd glared at her door before he left her room. "I'd like a word."

"Sorry, Lupin, I'm a bit busy at the moment."

"It's important."

"I'm sure it is. So is this jumper I'm folding."

Albus must not have been in the room, because if he had been Teddy never would have pulled out his wand and placed a body bind spell on Scorpius. "Lil," Teddy said over his shoulder, "would you mind grabbing the door to my room for me? Malfoy and I've got a little bit to discuss."

Lily grabbed the door to his room as Teddy levitated Scorpius onto the wood floor. She lingered by the doorway until Teddy said, "Go on, Lil, I swear I won't murder him."

"You could," Lily muttered as she turned and shut the door behind her. "I wouldn't mind."

Teddy cast a few of his frequently practiced werewolf protection charms on the door before removing the body bind curse from Scorpius. The younger man stood, brushed off his jeans, and opened his mouth to speak, but Teddy shook his head.

"You've had your say, Malfoy. It's my turn." He began pacing. "You want to use Lily and my relationship to take the focus of yours and Al's, if anyone ever finds out about it. I understand that to an extent, but do you really think that it would work? Rationally, I mean. Not in the messed up way the presses do things, because I'm sure that if they do publish the news about you and Albus and you counteract with the news of me and Lily they'll eat it up. They might even be glad to move on to slandering Lily's name, seeing as how they like Al better. But do you think, really, that the people who read the papers will forget? They're who you're the most worried about, and they're who it'll stick with.

"The papers themselves, they don't matter. But the people who read them? They do, and they've got seemingly infinite time on their hands to discuss the problems of the famous. And if the _Prophet_ or someone figures out that you and Al are in love, and then if you hand them the news that Lily and I are, don't you think – hasn't it even occurred to you – that the people will take both those bits of gossip and let them feed on each other? They go hand-in-hand rather nicely. People will just start saying that the Potter family is perverse in love. And they might find something in James's past to support that too. It'll just draw all of Britain's attention on Lily and Albus.

"Hasn't it occurred to you, yet, Scorpius, that your plan is horribly flawed?"

Scorpius looked at him in silence. Teddy was disappointed to see that he didn't appear shaken, but then, he had been trained in hiding his emotions.

"And on the off chance it works?" Teddy ran a hand through multicolored hair. "You'll alienate Lily forever. I know you all pretend not to care about anyone, but do you really care that little for her?"

"It's not a matter of how much I care about Lily; it's a matter of how much more I care about Albus."

"No." Teddy shook his head. "It's a matter of how much more you care about yourself. And if you do this, you will cause problems for Lily and Albus as well. Do you really think Al would consider it worth it?"

"He doesn't know what's good for him." Scorpius sniffed dismissively, but Teddy could see some shadow of thought in his eyes.

"I don't know, Scorpius. It doesn't seem to me that Albus is the one who's about to self-destruct."

"I know how gossip works, Lupin. I was raised on it. I think that the scandal of you and Lily would easily block out the scandal of me and Albus."

"Some things stick stronger than others," Teddy told him. "You and Albus are more of a scandal than anything that's happened in society since the War." He shook his head. "I clearly won't change your mind, but just think about it. Because you probably don't want to piss Lily off. And I'm not too fun when I'm angry, either. You've got to think, Malfoy," Teddy twirled his wand easily, "is it really worth the risk?" Teddy had learned that Slytherins preferred the safest bet.

Scorpius rolled his eyes at Teddy's wand and said, "Can I go now, Lupin?"

Teddy undid the spells he had set on his room. "Nothing's keeping you."

Scorpius hurried past him and pushed the door open. Teddy expected Lily to come falling through, but she didn't. She wasn't in the hall either, he noticed, when Scorpius returned to Al's room to finish packing.

The door to her bedroom was open, and when he glanced inside the room was empty. He went downstaris and into the living room to find Lily lying on her stomach in front of the fire, apparently deeply involved in the beginnings of a game of wizard chess with James.

She looked over her shoulder when he arrived in the doorway and said, "Oh, hey, Ted. You want to play me after I decimate James?" in such a falsely cheerful tone that Teddy was surprised her brother didn't stop staring at the chessboard immediately and demand to know what was wrong.

But James just chuckled, "What she means, Ted, is would you like to play _me_ once I decimate _her_?"

Teddy sighed. "I'll play the winner." He really just wanted to talk with the winner – he had lost enough games against Lily to know that she would beat James easily – and she clearly knew that. She would make it impossible to talk to her until he left. And he couldn't say what he needed to say in a letter.

Lily woke up at one thirty-five the next morning, her sheets sticking to her legs and the nightmare that had pulled her from sleep rapidly slipping from her memory. She didn't think before rolling out from beneath her damp sheets and letting her bedroom door swing softly shut behind her as she crossed the hall to Teddy's room.

In the moonlight she could see that he was sprawled across his bed, his head resting half beneath the pillow, one bare foot peeking out from beneath his duvet, one hand dangling over the edge of the bed. She examined his position carefully before figuring out a way to fit onto the bed without jostling him too much.

Of course, the moment she sat on the edge of his bed he started awake, rolling over and pulling his limbs back beneath the cover. He blinked at her in the gray darkness for a moment or two before asking, "Are you okay?"

She curled up facing him on his bed, wrapping her arms around her knees and leaving a good five inches between them. "I'm sorry."

"About what?" He didn't move to touch her; everything about her position screamed that she wanted to be left alone.

"I've put everything you've been working for at risk."

He sighed. "It's not your fault, Lily," he reminded her.

"It is, though. If I had just kept my distance this summer, instead of butting my nose in everywhere, we never would have gotten to know each other and then Scorpius and – Scorpius wouldn't be threatening you."

When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. "Do you wish that you had? Do you wish that we had never gotten this close?"

She thought about that for a moment. The answer was obvious: of course she didn't. But she wondered what she would be like, if she hadn't allowed herself to fall for Teddy. What if she had just stayed as reticent as usual; what if she hadn't gotten involved in the werewolf potion? She would still be consumed with PWP, she might even have considered expanding it once they left Hogwarts, like Hugo had suggested.

"Lily?" Teddy sounded horribly sad.

"Of course I don't," she finally replied. "Of course not. But wouldn't it be easier?"

"It's worth it, though. I think it's worth it. Merlin, Lil, I wouldn't trade loving you for anything."

They hadn't spoken about it to each other.

"I do, you know." He still didn't reach for her because she was wrapped around herself. "I do love you."

"I know," she said, her voice muffled as she spoke into the sheet. "You know I love you, too."

"So we shouldn't spend time wondering what would have happened if you hadn't loosened up around me this summer, because it happened. And we should never apologize for it having happened."

"I like the sound of that. No apologies." She sat up. "But what're we going to do, Teddy?"

"We'll sort it out if it happens. I think Scorpius might think better of it, eventually."

It wasn't Scorpius that Lily was most worried about, but she couldn't tell him that.

"I'm going to miss you," she said instead.

"I wish you could just take your exam and come home now," he confessed.

She forced a smile. "Only one more term, though."

He nodded. "We'll make it."

She leaned forward and caught his lips in a brief kiss before pulling away. "I should get back to bed."

He squeezed her hand quickly and then she turned to the door and opened it, slipping into the hallway.

She stopped breathing when she saw a pale form standing by the door. Scorpius was staring at her in the dim light of his wand. She shut Teddy's door and raised her eyebrows.

He tugged something from his ear and tucked the long string into his pocket – he had been listening with one of Uncle George's Extendable Ears. Had the situation been slightly less serious, she would have accused him of being a pervert. As it was, she was just hoping that he hadn't woken Al up.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?" He can't have told already, could he?

"Being a bastard. I won't – I can't – tell anyone."

Lily stared at him. "You're…"

"I was wrong," Scorpius admitted, and Lily knew if his wand-light had been just a little brighter she would have been able to see his cheeks flush. "And it would be even more wrong if I told the papers about you."

"Thank you."

He nodded and opened the door to Albus's room quietly. She waited a few moments in the dim silence of the hall before going back to her own bed.

When Teddy followed Albus and Scorpius into the fireplace the next morning she longed to step into a whirl of green flames herself and fall out in his kitchen. But her parents and James were all babbling at her and she couldn't really think of a rational way to grab a handful of Floo Powder and hop into the fire, so she laughed at their jokes and soon managed to escape back up to her bedroom to pack for school.

She was just about to pile her last set of robes into the top of her trunk when an unfamiliar owl appeared at her window, tapping against the glass with its sharp beak. She stood and pushed the window up so the bird could fly inside. It deposited a formal looking letter on her desk, dipped its beak in Dionysus's water dish, and disappeared outside again. Lily reached for the letter, knowing without having to look who it would be from.

_Dear Miss Potter:_

_I would like to apologize for my visit on Christmas; at the time it seemed appropriate, but looking back I realize that I could have handled it in a much more mature manner. Nonetheless, I expect that our arrangement still stands. I am curious as to why you did not inform me that Teddy Lupin was visiting for your cousin's wedding. I saw the photographs in the society pages. I do not mean to jump to conclusions, Miss Potter, but hiding that information from me does not seem an auspicious beginning to our partnership._

_You may explain that and answer a few other questions at our first meeting. If you are available this Thursday evening, I would like to meet in the Three Broomsticks at half six. I trust that you know how to leave the castle during the week. _

_I look forward to seeing you.  
Sincerely yours,  
Theodore Nott_

Lily was certainly not looking forward to meeting with _him_.

[x]

That week passed in a whirl of leaving and arriving, of students pressing coins into Lily, Hugo, and Ris's hands anxiously, asking for their potions. Lily had announced that PWP was retiring, and the rest of the school had not taken it well.

Thursday night arrived much too soon, in Lily's opinion. She slipped out of the Slytherin Common Room while Ris and Hugo were occupied and flung her father's invisibility cloak around her shoulders, ignoring the chill she always felt when she saw her body disappear. She decided to take the long way to Hogsmeade, and slipped out the front door of the castle, crossing the grounds in silence.

Once she was outside of the gates – an easy task when you've been studying their locks for five years – she slipped the invisibility cloak from around her shoulders and hid it in her bag. She began taking deep breaths, hoping to calm herself into a figure of icy coolness by the time she met with Mr. Nott. If there was one crack in her countenance, he would pick at it until he broke her apart and found out all of her secrets and everyone else's.

The pub was fairly crowded when she opened the door, but she caught sight of Sebastian's father immediately. He sat at a booth in the corner, glaring around him, warning anyone who approached him that they risked evisceration if they opened their mouths. Lily took one last deep breath and moved toward him, a sway to her step that disguised the way her palms were starting to sweat.

"Mr. Nott." She slid easily into the chair across from him, resting her chin on her hands and raising her eyebrows at him.

"Miss Potter." He returned her look, eyebrow for eyebrow. "How are you this evening?"

"Fine, thank you. You wanted to speak with me?"

"I have a few questions." He steepled his fingers and looked at her over them. Lily found herself focusing on the silver ring he wore around his right ring finger; two emerald snake-eyes peered out from the silver band.

"Of course." She knew what was coming. He would ask about Teddy and she would lie.

"Mr. Lupin spent Christmas with your family? He was there when I came to see you?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me he was there? I could have spoken to him and we might have sorted out this whole mess."

"Teddy has sworn a confidentiality agreement. He bent the rules for me, but I don't think he'd have been willing to do so for you on Christmas. You were not acting sane that night," Lily reminded him, and he scowled.

"Why didn't you arrange for us to meet another time, then?"

"Because you threatened me." Lily shook her head. "I'm not about to go out of my way to help you when I know that I cannot trust you, sir. And besides, Teddy doesn't respond well to men like you. He is rightfully prejudiced against you and your classmates. You meeting him would not have helped."

He nodded. "All right. Where do _you_ think that my son could have gone?"

Lily was ready. "I did speak with Teddy; I asked him where some other werewolf regions are. He told me that there were a few well-known ones in South America, as well as one in Italy."

"I'll send some people to those, then." Nott slipped a notebook from his pocket and began scribbling notes on it.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea." Lily bit her lip. "Look, I don't know your son very well, but he must know that you're looking for him, right? So why would he go to the better-known werewolf areas? He'd clearly expect you to look at those first. I asked Teddy whether there were any ones which only a few werewolves know about. He told me there was one here in Britain, and one in Morocco. He's sure there are others, but those are the two that he is aware of. I would suggest looking at the one in Morocco, since Sebastian might be too afraid of being recognized here in Britain."

"I'll send someone everywhere," Nott said.

"That's not a good idea, either. If you do that, it's sure to get back to Sebastian that you're looking in all of these locations, and he'll start being even more careful. You need to be quiet about this, Mr. Nott. Being obvious will do you no favors."

He looked at her. "It seems to me you've put a bit of thought into this."

Lily sighed. "I'm just trying to help you, Mr. Nott. This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

He looked at her. "I make it no secret that I do not trust you, Potter."

"You don't need to trust me, but I am right."

"We'll see."

Lily left the pub a half hour later, after Nott had asked her several more questions about her experiences with the werewolves and her thoughts on his son's location. She felt drained. The lies had been easy enough to maintain, but she still didn't feel as if Nott had been entirely convinced.

Ris and Hugo hadn't noticed her absence, and she wasn't sure whether this was because they had become so involved in one another or because she had disappeared so often over the last semester that they didn't even realize when she wasn't there anymore. But they moved over a little on the couch when she came into the Common Room to make space for her and she settled into the corner as they continued their discussion on the reactions to the news that PWP was disbanding.

"I think that someone will probably try to murder us before the week is over," Ris said. "Either that or bribe us to get our recipes so they can continue on."

"Think we should burn the book?" Hugo asked.

"No!" Lily snapped. "That's practically sacrilegious, Hugo. No, I've got the book well protected. They'll get over it."

"Will they?" Ris asked.

Lily looked around them. They were the focus of attention in the Slytherin Common Room, and she could feel the accusation in everyone's glares as they settled on the three seventh years.

"Eventually." Lily stretched her legs out in front of her and watched the way a first year shifted away from her feet as they neared him. "And if they don't, we're leaving in five months. Does it really matter what any of them think of us after that?"

"It isn't like we're going to get away from everyone once we leave, though," Hugo pointed out. "I mean, we'll be working with them and their relatives, and attending the same parties and everything."

Lily wasn't planning on seeing any of them very often after she left, but she shrugged. "They can't hold onto old grudges forever, can they?"

"I don't know, Lil," Ris said. "We might want to avoid pissing off as many people as possible."

"Since when do you care what other people think of you?" Lily asked, standing and turning to face her friends. "I don't really see what other choice we have, anyway. I'm heading up to bed; I'll see you both tomorrow. Hugo, if you go back to Ravenclaw tonight, will you see if they're acting the same way as our lot? I'd like to know whether we're going to have to field questions about PWP from the whole school, or just a couple of the houses."

"Sure," Hugo replied. As Lily turned to go back up to her dormitory, she heard him whisper to Ris, "I expected Lily to react a little differently to all of this."

"I did too," Ris whispered back.

Lily kept her face composed as she hurried up the stairs, but when she threw herself onto her bed her lip was caught between worrying teeth, her eyes squeezed shut. She had the feeling that everything was about to come tumbling down.

The rest of the school wasn't quite as upset as the Slytherins about the dissolution of PWP, although she did catch quite a few glares from the Gryffindors who had been fond of their anonymous service. Lily, Ris, and Hugo spent quite a bit of time clearing their stocks entirely, trying not to show favoritism to one house over the others in their distribution of Touch Explosion and Dream Drops, although the Slytherins' persistence made any semblance of equality among the houses difficult.

Lily let everyone judge her; after all, she figured they had been doing it anyway, if in a less vocal manner. She didn't hear from Nott for a few weeks, which made the issues with PWP a little easier and the issues in her personal life a little more worrying, and she was almost relieved when his owl appeared at the breakfast table one morning late in January.

She slid the note from the bird's talons and fed him a crunchy bit of bacon before he took off. Ris and Hugo glanced at the heavy parchment, taking in Mr. Nott's impressive script, and Ris asked, "Who's that from?" through a mouthful of yogurt.

"Just someone my dad knows," Lily told her. "He works at the Ministry, and Dad asked him to write me about a potential job opening."

"You're going to work for the Ministry?" Hugo asked. "You'd hate it!"

Lily sighed. "Honestly, at the moment I'm trying not to rule anything out." She tucked the letter into her pocket and took another sip from her coffee cup. "How're your potions essays coming along?"

If Ris or Hugo thought the abrupt change in subject was suspicious, neither of them let on.

She waited until they had disappeared to Herbology to open Mr. Nott's letter.

_Miss Potter – _she read,  
_I have some new information. We must meet again. Tonight, at five, in the Three Broomsticks?  
I expect to see you there.  
__Theodore Nott_

Lily incinerated the letter, and she didn't arrive at the pub until fifteen after. Nott was glaring impatiently at the door when she arrived, and his glare didn't lessen when he noticed her and waved her over to the table.

"Sit down," he ordered. She remained standing.

"I assume this will be quick," she said. "I have a lot to do tonight."

"It'll be quicker if you cooperate. _Sit. Down._"

She dropped to the chair. Causing a scene was the last on her list of things to do that day. "What is it? Have you heard anything about Sebastian?"

"I've heard enough from my sources to know that you were not being at all honest with me," he told her. "I hate to beat a dead thestral, but it seems to me that you have never told me the truth. You know where my son is. He is with your father's godson. You are the only person that I have access to who knows _exactly_ where your father's godson is. Tell me."

Lily's palms began sweating, and she shoved them into the oversized pockets of her robes. She leaned back in her seat, disguising her nerves as nonchalance. "It's not my secret," she told him.

His eyes darkened. "Think long and hard about this, Miss Potter. If you do not tell me by the fourteenth of February, you will regret it."

She stood and backed away from the table. "It is not my secret," she repeated.

She was running by the time she got back to the castle, but even the pounding of her breath in her ears could not block out the memory of Nott's slow nod. Whatever he had on her, it had to be good. She found herself praying that he had found out about PWP. That secret was much less damaging than any of her others.

[x]

The morning of February fourteenth, Lily received two owls before she even made it to the Great Hall. The first was a note from Teddy, carried in Dionysus's talons. She tucked it into the pocket of her jeans without reading it and reached for the second owl, which she recognized as Scorpius's. She bit her lip nervously as she unfolded the letter. It was brief, but it nearly made Lily's heart stop. Her fingers crumpled the page after she read:  
_It wasn't me, Lil. I swear it wasn't.  
I'm so sorry. Let me and Al know if there's anything we can do._

She didn't hesitate; if her lies were shattered, she might as well meet their end gracefully. So she patted Scorpius's owl on the head and sent him off without responding to his master's note. Score and Albus couldn't do anything.

The Great Hall fell silent as she stepped through the doors; both students and professors turned to stare at her. She would have been surprised if anyone had been breathing. She kept her head high and her hands in the pockets of her jeans, her right palm pressed against the still unopened letter from Teddy like some sort of lifeline. Lily smiled at Hugo and Ris when she reached the Slytherin table. They did not smile back. Hugo's glare was hurt and Ris's was accusatory.

Ris shoved a stack of papers across the table at her as she moved to sit down. She reached for them, but Ris waved her wand and they fanned out across the table's surface, so Lily could see the front page of every one. Usually, they'd differ slightly. Usually _The Daily Prophet_ would be a bit ashamed to carry the same feature article as _Playwizard_ and _The Phoenix Times_.

But the photograph that graced the front page of each paper was perfectly appropriate for Valentine's Day. A redheaded girl kissed a werewolf's son back against the stone wall of a castle; the moving figures in the photograph looked like they could have been in an advert for a seductively marketed perfume.

"So, Lily," Ris's voice boomed in the silence of the Great Hall, echoing horribly in Lily's shocked mind – how had Nott gotten that photograph? – "Do you have something you'd like to tell me?"

**A/N:** I appreciate reviews!


	8. Chapter Eight

**A/N:** I do not own _Harry Potter_.

Chapter Eight  
"The only people for me are the mad ones." – Jack Kerouac

Teddy never anticipated any change to his morning routine. He woke up, showered, dressed, and looked through his notes while eating toast and drinking tea. So Harry's arrival in his kitchen very early that day was a surprise. It was seven o'clock in Greece, just past six in Britain, and Teddy glanced up at the flare of green in his fireplace to find that his godfather had crossed the room in seconds. Before he could say anything, Harry dropped a newspaper on top of Teddy's scribbled notes.

Teddy didn't look at him. His eyes focused on the moving photograph gracing the cover of the _Daily Prophet_ and his stomach clenched. It was…Merlin, there were no words. He flipped the paper over, as if hiding the image would erase it from Harry's memory.

Harry didn't say anything. Teddy had told Lily not to apologize for them, but he could taste the guilty excuses piling up on his own tongue. He bit them back and pushed his chair away from the table, inhaling as he stood and faced Harry.

He had expected anger. But when his godfather spoke, his voice was soft and controlled. Teddy wondered whether he ought to fear evisceration or exile.

Harry reached out and took the newspaper again, holding it up so Teddy had no choice but to see the photograph of Lily moving against him in full color, and then he asked, "Would you please explain what you were thinking?"

"Lily and I –" Teddy began, but Harry shook his head.

"No. I am going to deal with Lily later. I want to know what drove you to start…something…with my teenage daughter."

Teddy knew that his hair must have been cycling through shades of red and orange and seasick green. It was probably changing colors so quickly that Harry, if he looked at it, would have gotten sick. But Harry's eyes were trained on Teddy's.

Answers and excuses vied for attention in Teddy's mind. But the real problem wasn't standing in front of him. The real problem was back in Britain, back where the presses were undoubtedly whirring out increasingly scandalous accounts of his and Lily's relationship. "How did the papers get this photograph?"

"It is not a manipulation. That was my first thought, and so I – stupidly – had the Department's evidence expert look at it. She knew it was a legitimate photograph within seconds of seeing it. So, Teddy, apparently you and Lily were not as careful as you thought." Teddy raised his eyes from the picture back to his godfather's face. "I'll ask again. _What were you thinking_?"

"I wasn't," Teddy began, but Harry interrupted him.

"No, you clearly weren't. Because here is what would have happened if you _had_ been thinking: Lily would have come to live with you at the beginning of the summer and you would have had casual conversations about the weather. And then when she left you may have kept in touch through letters, still about the weather. And then when you came home for Dom's wedding you would have talked about how nice it was that Dominique was getting married. And you would never have even _looked_ at her." He shook his head. "Tell me what happened to take your conversations from the weather to _this_." He shook the paper and Teddy closed his eyes.

"Do you think I planned it?" Teddy asked, but he hoped Harry wouldn't respond, because he couldn't handle the disappointment or hurt or anger or whatever would lace Harry's voice next. He rushed to continue before his godfather could accuse him of something worse. "When you asked me to take in Lily, you made it sound like I'd be looking after a child, Harry. And she is your youngest, and she is your only daughter, so I understand that you have difficulties realizing that she is older than five. But she _is_ old enough, and she acts even more mature than seventeen – she's more mature than me, usually."

"You don't know – " Harry began. This time Teddy interrupted him.

"She isn't a child, Harry. I knew that she wasn't the second she stepped out of that fireplace. And not because of her appearance, or anything like that. She knows a lot about the world, and it shows."

"She's just seventeen," Harry maintained. "She was just sixteen when she came here. You can't have looked at her and thought of her as an adult. As your equal. It's not possible."

"I didn't see her as my equal," Teddy hedged. "At first I didn't. But I also didn't see her as a child. And it didn't take long for her to change my opinion entirely. Merlin, Harry, how could you send her here and not expect me to fall in love with her?"

Harry's right hand closed around the _Daily Prophet_, unwittingly crumpling the paper in his fist. "Fall in love with her?" he repeated.

Harry looked tired and he looked old. Teddy wished a lot of things in that moment, but mostly he wished that Harry believed him. He wished that Harry could have understood that to Teddy, Lily was just someone else. She and he shared interests and more importantly they inspired each other. Or, he hoped he inspired her; Merlin knew she inspired him. To Teddy, their history – whatever limited segments of time they'd spent together before that summer – was inconsequential. They were unconventional and they didn't fit perfectly at all but Teddy also believed that he and Lily could last. If only he could make his godfather see that whatever else, his feelings for Lily were genuine.

He met Harry's famous, tired green eyes and confessed, "I fell in love with Lily."

Harry dropped the twisted paper to the floor of Teddy's kitchen. "And why," he finally ground out, "did neither of you think to tell us? If you actually think this is serious, why did you keep it hidden?"

"Because look! Look how the press reacted." Teddy kicked at the paper. "Look how _you've_ reacted." And when Harry opened his mouth to rationalize his response, Teddy continued, "I know that you're surprised. I know that the press is surprised. But do you really think it would have been much different if Lily and I had told you that we'd started seeing each other on her birthday, or over Christmas, or sometime before then? Would the papers have left her – us – alone if we'd told them about it?"

"We – Ginny and I, and the rest of the family – wouldn't have told the press, though, Ted. Why didn't you tell us?"

Teddy ran a hand through his hair. Where had Lily come from? Her theories on secrets and lies sometimes sounded like a bunch of shit, but they often made sense. And her father was here, lecturing Teddy about the truth and it was possible that this reveal would have gone a lot smoother if they had told her family about it. But at the same time Harry could lecture all he wanted, Teddy knew that surprises about Lily weren't handled well in the Potter family, and whatever Harry said, even if he and Lily had told them about it back in the beginning, their relationship still would have been a surprise.

He shook his head. "Secrets are easier to keep if only a few people know about them. We were planning on telling you, Harry," he rushed, because his godfather's thumb was hooked through the pocket of his trousers where he kept his wand and it would have taken seconds for Harry to give into his instincts and curse Teddy. "I wanted to tell you right away," or he would have, if he hadn't anticipated this reaction, "but we _were_ planning on telling you after Lily had left Hogwarts. We thought if it got out then, the press wouldn't consider it such a scandal."

Harry snorted. "If you were that concerned about scandal, I would have thought you'd avoid...doing that…" he glanced down at the newspaper, "in public."

Teddy blushed. "It was stupid," he admitted, "and careless. But Harry, you and Ginny waited a long time to be together – didn't you ever slip up?"

His godfather's skin flushed. "Our circumstances were very different."

"Of course they were, of course. But what I'm saying is that," an owl flew through the window over his sink and deposited an official looking envelope on his table. He paused and picked up the letter before continuing, "I'm saying that even though our circumstances are less dire, our emotions are the same."

Harry watched as Teddy slit the wax seal and pulled out a precisely folded sheet of parchment. He began reading:

_Dear Mr. Lupin:_

_We write to inform you that the grant funding for your experimental study on werewolves has been taken under revision. The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, which department has thus far provided the funding for your experiment, reserves the right to halt all future funding if they do not find that the experiment is moving along at a proper pace._

_A member of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures' Werewolf division will be arriving on your premises at approximately 7:04 on Tuesday, the 7th March in order to review your results. The Department will then determine the worth of your experiment and continue or discontinue funding as they see fit._

_Your response is not required._

_Sincerely,  
Georgina Fox  
Assistant to the Treasurer  
Ministry of Magic_

Teddy's hands shook as his eyes moved down the page. He dropped it to the table and bit back the string of swear words that surfaced in his mind, only letting out a strangled groan. He balled his hands into fists and watched as Harry picked up the letter and skimmed it, the lines on his face deepening with regret.

Teddy didn't say anything until Harry had lowered the letter and raised his eyes to look at him in abruptly kind silence. Teddy could have asked so many questions but he didn't really need to ask any. "It's not a coincidence."

"No," Harry agreed. "You're probably right."

"What the fuck does 'proper pace' even mean?"

"Ted." Harry sighed. "You know that unless you had the cure bottled and ready to sell, they'd say you were moving too slowly."

Teddy wanted to punch something. "This isn't fair."

"I can talk to them, but as this is partially due to your involvement with my daughter, I don't think they will react to that very well."

"I don't want your help," Teddy snapped, realizing only after the words had left his mouth how ungrateful he sounded. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's just that I think you're right – that wouldn't do much." He hesitated, "Unless you told them you approved of Lily and me, but I don't think you do, and besides, I need to handle this on my own."

Harry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "At this moment, no, I do not approve of you and Lily. But what are you going to do, Ted?"

"The potions have been getting better, especially after this summer. Maybe, if I have some sort of breakthrough at this month's full moon they'll realize that I might actually be able to cure lycanthropy, and they won't dare cut me off."

Harry looked at his godson. "And if you don't have a breakthrough?"

"I still have money from my parents. I'll relocate and start over. But the Ministry will regret it."

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"They'll have a hundred angry werewolves at their doors if they cancel this experiment. And quite a few of them are from powerful families. I would not envy the Ministry if they decide to revoke their grant."

"Are you going to tell your friends about it?"

"No." Teddy's answer was immediate. After all, the werewolves had been in Greece before he elected to set up his experiment, and they'd be there after. They'd be angry and their hopes would be shattered, but their lives wouldn't change the way his would, unless they decided to follow him into his rebel experiment. If it came to that.

Harry forced a smile. "It'll be okay, Ted."

"It will," Teddy said. It didn't feel like a lie, but it may have been one anyway.

Harry glanced at his watch and blinked. "Shit," he muttered before glancing up at Teddy, "I've got to go. Look, I know that this is the worst time for me to say what I'm about to say, but…I'd like it if you and Lily would take a break – stop writing – at least until the end of May. Just let her leave school, Ted, and then maybe it will work out."

"Harry." Teddy was ashamed of the plea in his voice, but it didn't matter, because Harry was already at the fireplace, in the flames and disappearing from view.

[x]

Professor McGonagall appeared at Lily's side as she scrambled to respond to Ris. Her mind was full of horror and the slightest tinge of resignation. McGonagall placed a hand on Lily's shoulder and murmured, "Please come up to my office, Miss Potter."

Lily looked at Ris and Hugo's un-giving faces before turning to follow McGonagall from the Hall. Her headmistress didn't speak as they walked through silent corridors, and Lily focused on breathing naturally. She thought of the maelstrom of angry owls that was undoubtedly heading toward Greece at that moment, and how her family must have reacted when they unrolled their newspapers and saw thatimage. A fair percentage had probably spat out their tea in shock.

McGonagall muttered the password to her office and nodded to indicate that Lily should go up the stairs first. When she reached the headmistress's office, Lily moved to stand by the window that overlooked the Lake, staring blindly through the thick glass.

"Your parents have already been in touch with me," McGonagall spoke hesitantly. "They've asked me to send you home."

Lily froze. She had assumed that her parents would come to lecture her in the neutral territory of the headmistress's office and then she would return to classes and attempt to convince Ris and Hugo that they should forgive her. "But, Professor, I can't leave." Lily turned, and her voice shook a little. "I won't run from this."

"Miss Potter, things will have the opportunity to calm down if you stay at home for a few days. A new scandal will arise and some of the school will move on. And I was certainly not about to disagree with your parents when they Flooed me at five this morning."

"Five? But why didn't they have you send me home then?"

"I believe..." McGonagall hesitated. "They may have wanted you to see everyone's reaction before they spoke to you. Or they may have wanted to calm down a bit themselves. They seemed rather livid."

"Fine. I'll go home then."

McGonagall held out the jar of Floo powder, and Lily took a handful. "When am I allowed back?"

"Whenever your parents decide that you may return. I will ask your professors to send your assignments to your house until then."

"Thank you." Lily stepped into the green flames and in the spinning ride through fireplaces she reminded herself of what Teddy had said that night over Christmas hols. They'd never apologize for being in love. She wouldn't apologize to her parents.

But when the fireplace deposited her on her living room floor she found only her mother standing there, facing away from the flames, her arms crossed and her back straight. "Hello, Lily."

"Mum." Lily dusted off her jumper and smoothed down some flyaway strands of hair. Her hand drifted to the wand sticking from her jeans pocket, as if it could provide her some protection. "Where's Dad?"

"Greece," Ginny responded, and Lily's stomach twisted.

"He's not." It sounded stupid even as she said it. Why would her mother lie?

"He is." Ginny turned and Lily forced herself to meet her mother's gaze.

Ginny held out the _Prophet_, and Lily took it. She looked down at the photograph, which was already horribly ingrained on her retinas, and then back up at her mother. "Will you please just shout at me and get it over with?"

"No," Ginny said, "because I do not know how to shout at you for this. I do not understand this."

Lily remembered saying the same to Scorpius months before. She wished that he was there. She wished that Al was there. She wished that Teddy was there.

She wished that she had never run into Theodore Nott outside of McGonagall's office back in October.

"What don't you understand?"

"This!" Ginny jabbed her finger at the paper that Lily still held in loose hands. "Merlin, Lily. What were you and Teddy doing, snogging like that?"

"We – "

"How long has it been going on? Since this summer?" Ginny shook her head, red hair flying as she found her stride, and Lily shut up. "We sent you there to protect you, not to have him corrupt you! And how could you have kept it a secret from us? Godric, Lily Luna, what were you two thinking would happen?"

Lily opened her mouth, but her mum kept going. "Don't answer that. I'm not interested in whatever idiocy you two were thinking. I think it goes without saying that this ends now."

Lily didn't let Ginny talk over her again. "Why?"

"Why?" Ginny inhaled sharply. "How do you not see that this is wrong, Lily Luna? He is too old for you, and you are too young for him. You're not good for each other."

Lily's mother made her feel weak and young. She used to think that her mother knew everything, that Ginny's responses to the world had always been the correct responses, and as a child Lily had tried to mimic Ginny in everything. As she grew up, Lily realized that her mother pretended a lot of the time, and was mistaken a lot of the time. It was part of growing up, she knew, realizing that nothing was black and white. But for a moment Lily wished that she could crawl into her mother's lap and have her return the simple world of her childhood.

But doing that would have required giving up potions and Ris and Hugo and Teddy. So instead she raised her eyes to her mother's blazing ones, reminded herself that her mother loved her, and said, "You don't know."

Ginny didn't look any less livid. She didn't ask Lily to explain, she just continued staring in silence.

"I know Teddy, Mum." Lily kept her voice steady with effort. "I got to know him over the summer. He is good for me. And I'm good for him."

"How can you say that? How can he be good for you, if you've decided to keep this a secret from us?"

"Because we didn't want _this_. We wanted to wait until I'd left school to tell everyone. We thought it'd be easier to take if I were at least settled with a career. Merlin, Mum, it's not that we think it's wrong – we know it's right – but everyone else, even you, clearly don't agree."

"And why should I agree? What should convince me that this relationship is right?"

"I'm happy," Lily told her. "And I love him. That should be enough."

"You love him," Ginny repeated. She seemed less angry, and sadder.

"Of course I do. If I didn't, do you think I'd do this to you, to Dad, to _us_?"

"I don't know, Lily." Ginny sounded exhausted. "I feel like I don't know you, anymore."

"I would never do anything to hurt you or Dad. But I love Teddy, and it was too hard to pretend like we didn't feel anything when we both did."

"Lily," Ginny began, but just as she was about to say something, maybe offer some motherly wisdom, the fire flared green and Harry landed gracefully on the hearth.

Lily turned to look at him as he stood and dusted off his jumper. He crossed the room and took Ginny's hand. She murmured, "She says she loves him."

"He says he loves her."

They looked at each other in silence for a moment before they turned to face Lily again. They both looked tired and sad and Lily wanted to erase their memories.

"This isn't easy," Harry told her. "Because you're in the public eye, it's even harder than it would have been. It's hard on you and it's hard on Ted, of course, but it's also hard on the rest of us."

"I'm sorry. Not for Teddy, but for the press finding out and not telling you. I am sorry for that."

"Of course you are," Harry said, and Ginny glanced up at him as he continued, "and we're sorry for how we reacted. It was not an overreaction, but I am sorry."

Ginny added, "I wish you'd told us, Lil."

"I wish I had, too." She didn't really, but she did wish that she hadn't kissed Teddy the night of the wedding. Although it would have come out, regardless. Nott was resourceful. "Is this over, then?"

"No," Harry said. "I've told Teddy that I want him to take a break until you leave school. I expect the same for you. Do not write to him, or Floo him. Try to focus on something – "

Lily met her father's eyes with a determined glare. "That is not fair." She whirled, moving to the fireplace and grabbing a fistful of Floo powder.

"You're not going to him," Harry said calmly. Lily tossed the glittering powder on the flames. But she didn't step into them and flee to Teddy's; she knelt and stuck her head in.

She was staring across the ornate carpet of a lush living room at the carved wooden legs of a deep red colored sofa. The room was empty, but she didn't care. He didn't need to see her, he just needed to hear her.

"I'm still not telling you where he is," she called before jerking herself out of the fire. She stood, dusted her knees, and turned back to her parents.

"Lily?" Ginny asked because silence felt so strange after the tirades of the last half hour. But Lily didn't need to respond – the fire released Theodore Nott onto her parents' floor and he stood, straightened his cloak, and pinned Lily with a glare.

"You rang, Miss Potter?"

Harry stepped forward. "Nott," he said, but Theodore's eyes remained fixed on Lily's face, and Lily kept hers locked on his. She needed this.

"You can tell the world about me and Teddy and even my parents, if you want to, but I will never tell you where your son is."

"Lily," Ginny began, but Nott interrupted.

"That is very stupid. I know enough about you to keep the papers busy for _years_. It would really be much simpler if you'd just tell me how to find Sebastian."

"Lily." Harry's voice was stern but the fire burst again and this time an elegant blonde woman stepped onto the rug. She met Nott's suddenly anxious gaze for a moment before turning her pale blue eyes on Lily.

"Was that you, in our house?"

Sebastian's mother had never been fond of Lily. They had met twice, and both times had left Lily feeling as if Daphne Nott found her little better than spoiled rubbish on the pavement. But Daphne's face was much easier to look at that Lily's parents' surprised and confused ones, and it was easier to meet her eyes than it was to meet her husband's, laced as they were with anger and sorrow and bitterness.

"Yes." Lily wondered if Daphne would send her husband to the presses with everything else he had. It must have been PWP; she couldn't think of much else that she'd done that would attract anyone's attention.

"And you said you still weren't telling us where our son is? That means you know where he is?" Daphne had a long-fingered hand at her waist and Lily could see the outline of her wand in her jeans pocket. How quickly would her father send Daphne to the floor if she tried to curse Lily?

Here, the lies were finished. "I do."

"And," Daphne turned to look at her husband and Lily was astonished at the anger that hardened her face, "you knew about this, Theodore? You knew that she knows where Sebastian is – that she knows that our son is alive – and you did not tell me?"

"Daph," he stuttered, "Daphne, honey, I wanted to make sure that she wasn't leading me on. She could have been lying – "

Lily scowled. Daphne crossed the small space between herself and her husband and raised her hand, slapping him across the face hard enough to leave a red mark on his gaunt cheek. Harry was at her side in an instant, and he placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling her away from Theodore even as Ginny stepped between the two of them.

"Do not touch my wife," Nott hissed, and Harry dropped his hands.

"Do not insult our daughter," Ginny blazed, and Lily noticed for the first time that both of her parents had their wands held in their hands.

Daphne stepped away from Harry, moving closer to Lily. Her eyes were fastened on Lily's face and she said, "I saw the _Prophet _this morning. Was that his doing?"

"Of course it was," Lily answered.

"Why?" Daphne turned back to her husband, who had remained standing still. His eyes shifted from Ginny's to Harry's wands, and his own hand was lost somewhere in the pocket of his robes.

"Why? She knows where he is. We've been looking for him for nearly a year, Daphne, and she could tell us where he is. Why wouldn't I try to force it out of her?"

"But blackmail, Theodore. You've blackmailed a _child_."

Harry and Ginny both looked ready to curse the entire room as Theodore snorted. "She is anything but a child, Daphne. If you knew the sort of things she's involved in – Merlin, even you'd be scandalized."

"Shut up!" Daphne hissed. She turned back to Lily again. "He's alive?"

"Of course. He's happy." Or happier than he had been when he was locked in their dungeon. "And he'd be a lot happier if you would stop trying to find him."

"Never." Nott moved as if to come closer to Lily. Both of her parents' wands whipped up to focus on him.

Harry's voice was low. "Move and I swear I will kill you." At that moment Lily believed, for the first time, that her father had defeated the most powerful wizard who had ever lived.

"You are treating him like an animal." Lily finally placed her own hand on her wand, and she breathed easier. "You're making him hate you even more than he already did." They were also making Sebastian hate _her_, but she somehow didn't think that would bother his father all that much.

"He is _not_ an animal," Nott snapped, and he would have moved if Harry's wand hadn't been directed quite so adroitly at his heart.

"I know that." Lily was proud that her voice didn't waver. "But did you know that, when you chained him in your dungeon?"

"Theo." Daphne spoke softly this time. "He had a good reason to leave us."

"What?" Nott turned his eyes to his wife. "You think we should just give up? Let him leave us? We'll never get him back, Daphne. He'll never come back to us if we don't find him now."

"You think he'll come back to us _if _we find him?" She closed her eyes. "I know you're an idiot sometimes, Theo, but do you honestly believe that this will be over if we drag him back to the Manor? That he'll come back home like he never left, he'll take his potion once a month and the rest of the time he'll be our son?"

"We can make him see that we know we were wrong – "

"Have you learned nothing since we were children, Theodore? He will not forgive us until he chooses to. He may never decide to, but we should at least give him the space to think about it. Miss Potter was right." She nodded her head in Lily's direction, and everyone's eyes fell on her. She gripped her wand tighter. "She was right in not telling you where Sebastian is. And you were wrong, Theo. You were so wrong when you exposed her and Lupin's son. We owe you an apology, Lily."

Lily met her eyes. "I told Sebastian that his father was sorry. He knows that, at least. I don't think he believed me, but he might, with time."

Nott gasped behind her, and Daphne's eyes were bright with tears. "Tell him I miss him, please."

If he ever spoke to her again, Lily would tell him a lot more than that. "I will."

Daphne nodded. She turned to look at Harry and Ginny. "I know that we never got on particularly well, but I am sorry about this. I am horribly sorry for the troubles my husband – and I, I suppose – have caused for your family."

Harry gave her a curt nod and Ginny's face remained hard, her eyes livid and attached to Theodore, who was still angry.

"Come home, Theodore." It was the first time Lily had heard the tremor of weakness in Daphne's voice. She didn't look afraid of her husband, not at all, but she certainly looked scared _for_ him. Despite everything Lily felt the barest stirring of pity in her gut.

Nott turned his gaze back to Lily. "Thank you," he began. He stopped, coughed, and pinched the bridge of his nose with a shaking hand. "Thank you," his voice was stronger this time, "for telling us that he's alive, at least."

He had played his disastrous part in her life. Lily had nothing more to say to him.

Nott didn't wait long in the silence that followed before moving toward his wife and the fireplace. Harry's hand was white around his wand, and Ginny's followed the Notts' movement, remaining pointed at the fire until after it had turned orange again.

Lily had briefly considered diving into the fire and following the Notts away from her house, but instead squared her shoulders and waited for Harry and Ginny to turn away from the fire and focus on her.

When they finally did their faces were set. "Into the kitchen, please," Ginny said, and Lily didn't bother trying to think up an excuse. Some secrets would have to come out. She just needed to figure out which ones.

Harry stood by the stove and Ginny by the sink, but Harry gestured for Lily to sit down. She tried to feel as if she wasn't being interrogated, but the feeling was there, no matter what she told herself.

"I'm trying to understand what just happened," Harry began, "and I think that I have a pretty good idea, but I would like you to explain it to us. Tell us everything."

"And then," Ginny continued, "please tell us why you did not think to come to one of us – or one of your aunts or uncles or older cousins – when Theodore Nott began threatening you."

Lily stared at her hands. They were pale against the dark red tablecloth. They were clammy. She was nervous, more nervous than she'd been since…well, forever. It occurred to her that talking to her parents shouldn't have made her feel that way.

"Lily?" Harry prompted.

"Sebastian Nott was a few years above me at Hogwarts. He was in Slytherin, so we were sort of friends, but when he didn't come back for his seventh year none of us really thought too much of it. People leave sometimes, especially in Slytherin." She began picking at a loose thread in the tablecloth. "So I was shocked when I walked into Teddy's kitchen one day this summer and found him sitting at the table." She couldn't look at her parents, especially not when she said Teddy's name. What were they thinking? Were they judging her? Cataloguing and critiquing everything she was saying?

"He was a werewolf?" Ginny asked, her voice soft. It sounded like she was sympathetic, and she may have been, for Nott. Lily still didn't look up.

"It had happened the summer before his seventh year. He says he doesn't know why he was targeted. I don't know if I believe him, but I do know that his experiences as a werewolf were…they were horrible." She felt that old anger at Theodore burning in her chest and she wished that her parents – or she – had taken the opportunity to curse him while he was in their living room. "His parents didn't react right at all; even when he took the wolfsbane potion they locked him in their dungeon over the full moon – chained him to a wall for three days and left him with a bowl of water." Her father's eyes were probably shining with righteous indignation and her mother was probably twirling her wand, maybe wishing that she had killed Nott when she had the chance. Lily kept her eyes on her hands.

"He managed to leave after a particularly bad full moon. He wandered around Europe for a few months, and he somehow managed to avoid being found by his parents. He found us – the town in Greece – in July."

Lily stopped speaking. Too many secrets had crossed her tongue, leaving it feeling as if it were slightly singed, a little bitter, hurting for the man she had just betrayed.

"And? How did this whole thing with Theodore start?" Ginny did not sound annoyed, exactly, but her voice was more tense than it had been the last time she'd spoken.

"Nott went to see McGonagall, to see if she had heard anything about Sebastian, and he ran into me outside her office. McGonagall asked if I'd heard anything from Sebastian, because we had been friends, and Nott began questioning me. I guess he did some digging after that, and found out what Teddy is doing for the Ministry and that I'd spent the summer away and so he started badgering me to help him find Sebastian." She dug at the skin around her chipped purple thumbnail. "I tried to lie but I guess I'm not as good at that as I thought because he realized that I knew more than I was letting on. And then I think he had Dom's photographer follow me at the wedding. The dude was giving me weird looks all night, but I didn't even _think_ – "

"How long was this going on?" Harry asked.

Lily's thumb had started to bleed. "Since October."

"So, five months?" Ginny was definitely annoyed now. "And you never thought to tell anyone?"

"Did you tell Teddy?" Harry added.

"No." Lily laughed. "Of course I didn't. Nott could have ruined everything. Merlin, Nott probably has ruined everything, I can't even imagine what sort of letters Teddy's gotten this morning, and Teddy didn't need that sort of stress." Her thumb looked sort of ghastly. "And he would have told me to tell you or Aunt Hermione or someone."

"Which would have been the smart thing to do. Merlin, Lily, why would you keep this a secret? We could have ended it before it blew up like this."

"You think?" Lily shook her head. "I didn't want to betray Nott's trust. Sebastian's, I mean. He begged me not to tell anyone, and I promised him I wouldn't."

"But, Lily, why wouldn't you have trusted us with that secret? We wouldn't have told anyone, we'd just have gotten Theodore to stop threatening you."

"I think…" Lily finally looked at her parents. They had moved closer to each other. Harry had his arm around Ginny's waist and they were both looking at her, concerned and confused. "I think Sebastian's father wasn't going to stop for anyone. I think he was going to keep going until he had punished me for keeping Sebastian from him. He's sad and hurting and I'm certain that he was going to make sure that I suffered, somehow. Even if you guys had tried to stop him, he would have figured out some way to make me pay." She wiped her thumb on her jeans. "And besides, this was my problem. I didn't need to drag anyone else into it."

"Merlin, Lily, your problems are our problems. Why haven't you realized that? You're our daughter, and we want you to be happy. We want you to be safe."

Lily shrugged. "I thought that I could handle it. I thought if I was discrete and if I kept up with the lie, he'd never figure it out. I was wrong, apparently."

Her parents looked at each other. Ginny sighed. Harry murmured, "Everyone's always telling me how mature you are, Lily, but I haven't seen much evidence of it recently."

"How have I been immature? By not asking for help in a situation that I thought I could handle? By falling in love at an inappropriate time? How have I behaved any differently than you did, when you were my age?" She bit her lip. That may have been taking it too far, but Merlin, the hypocrisy of all of this hurt her. "Granted, I'm not saving the world. But I'm also not risking my life. I've tried to take responsibility for everything I've done. I'm just…I'm trying to take control of my life. And yeah, maybe I've let it get a little crazy, but I don't think that means I'm immature."

"Our situations are not the same." Harry pointed out.

"No, no they're not. But there are similarities. Dad, please. I don't want you to look at me like this forever."

"You don't trust us," Ginny said. "And I still don't understand why."

"I don't trust anyone." Lily sounded calmer than she felt. She had a ball of nerves in the pit of her stomach that sent continuous tangles of anxiety into her throat. It made it difficult to swallow and harder to breathe. "It's just the way I've grown up. I mean," she laughed, harsh and quick, "I'm Harry Potter's daughter. I've never been the darling of the presses. I'm a Slytherin. I've got to have some neuroses, don't I?"

Harry looked sad, but he just said, "I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. I'm sorry that you didn't think that we could help you."

Lily nodded. She stood up and stepped away from the table. "Teddy doesn't know about Nott," she said. "Am I allowed to write and tell him why we were in the _Prophet_?"

Harry and Ginny exchanged one last look. "Yes," Harry ceded, finally. "But I will send it. And then you two do need to stop communicating until June."

The way he was looking at her, like all of his illusions had crashed in a single moment and all of their blatant failings were written across her face, made Lily feel worse than she had in a long time. Worse than she had since her first years in Slytherin, when she wasn't quite as strong, quite as capable at ignoring the people who wanted to hurt her.

She forced the words from her mouth, "I'm – "

Before she could utter the "sorry", the door to the kitchen burst open and two men in Quidditch uniforms fell in. Scorpius had Albus by the hand and Lily's eyes darted from his slightly crazed expression to Albus's mild one. "Scorpius," she said, "Don't."

"But – " he met her eyes and then looked at her parents. They were staring at the two of them sort of like they were something from a nightmare come to life. But Scorpius didn't drop Albus's hand.

Al waved sheepishly at Lily, then shrugged, like he was saying, _I have no idea what this crazy person is doing but I'm okay with whatever it is. _And then Scorpius said, direct and honest, "I'd like your permission to date Albus," and everything sort of halted for a moment while Al and Lily both stopped breathing and Lily's parents stared from their son to their son's best friend and then Harry burst into laughter.

None of them were expecting that. Scorpius tugged at his Quidditch robes and shifted uncomfortably and Albus tightened his grip on his boyfriend's hand and Lily began picking at her right thumb and Ginny placed her hand on Harry's shoulder and said softly, "Harry, honey, now is not the time."

"I wasn't joking," Scorpius said, when Harry had stopped laughing long enough for him to make a headway into the silence.

"I know, son, I know." Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry. When I woke up this morning, I thought that if anything unusual happened, it would be at work. Not with my family."

It was silent in the kitchen again. Albus finally spoke, "So? Is that a yes, then?"

"I'm assuming that it doesn't really matter what I say, since apparently Ginny and I have been very out of the loop. Hell, James is probably already married."

"I will date Albus whether you give your blessing or not." Merlin, Scorpius's cheeks were red. "But I'd rather if we had your blessing. We both respect you."

"Of course," Ginny said. "Of course you have our blessing."

Why was no one yelling at Scorpius and Albus for keeping secrets?

Scorpius turned to look at Lily. "I'm sorry, Lil," he said solemnly, and she sighed.

"Had to come out sometime, didn't it?"

"Wait, you knew?" Ginny asked, and all of the kindness that had laced her tone moments before vanished.

"I didn't," Al said. "Scorpius figured it out over Christmas. But he says they're in love, so."

"So," Harry repeated. He shook his head. "Lily, you go on upstairs. I think it's best if you don't go back to school until Monday. I'd like to speak with Scorpius and Albus."

Lily didn't say anything before leaving. She had said far too much already.

When she got to her room she sat at her desk and pulled a sheet of parchment from the pile. She inked her quill and stared at the blank paper. How to tell Teddy that this whole thing was her fault?

She suddenly remembered the letter she had received that morning. It was still Valentine's Day, and that morning she and Teddy had still been working unhurriedly toward something permanent. Now, who knew?

She slit the seal on the envelope and unfolded the letter. It wasn't long, but neither of them had ever been good with words.

_Dear Lily,  
I wish you were here right now. If you were, I wouldn't let there be even a centimeter of space between us. I keep telling myself that next year, next year, it'll be different. Next year we won't need letters and owls and we won't have to deal with inconvenient time differences and lies because next year we'll be together. And I wanted to remind you of that, because sometimes it's easy to forget and sometimes it's easy to be caught up in all that's lacking _now_.  
I love you and I will see you soon.  
Teddy_

Those words meant something, and maybe in a year everything would be sorted. Technically she only had to wait for May. Technically.

She wrote her letter to Teddy in the barest terms possible, including a single _I'm sorry_ at the end and slipping it into an unsealed envelope before walking back down the stairs. She hesitated outside the kitchen, where the others were still talking.

"You've been seeing each other since Hogwarts?" Harry's astonishment was tinged with resignation. "Merlin, why do none of you trust us?"

"It was me, Harry," Scorpius said. "Al wanted to tell you – Al wanted to tell everyone – but I've had too many bad experiences with the press to hand them scandals quite so easily. I made him keep it a secret."

"But why wouldn't you tell us? We wouldn't have told anyone." The words sounded tired coming from Ginny's lips. She had said them so many times that day.

"Secrets are easier to keep if only a few people know them," Scorpius said. "I'm sorry I made Al lie for so long. I'm sorry I've just decided to tell everyone now. But it takes a certain kind of bravery to tell the truth, and I've never been all that brave." He chuckled. "I'd probably still be hiding everyone if it weren't for Lily, of course."

"Of course," Harry echoed. He didn't sound like he believed Scorpius.

Lily turned back up the stairs. She'd wait until they were done to give her father the letter. Scorpius wouldn't appreciate knowing that she had overheard his moment of transparency.

[x]

The next Sunday Lily was sitting on a rock in her family's backyard. She and Hugo used to play king of the mountain on it when they were little. Hugo and Ris had used it as a meeting point, when they'd gotten older and both went to family parties at the Potters'. Lily had seen Scorpius and Albus meet there, too, but Lily had always gone to it because it was isolated – blocked by trees from the house and surrounded by small hills. That night it had also been covered in two inches of snow, but Lily had cleared that and cast a warming charm on the rock and it was comfortable enough.

She had been sitting there for several minutes before her parents arrived. They had mostly been moving around each other silently since she'd come home, Lily working on homework alone in her bedroom or alone on the living room floor, but she was leaving the next day and they hated leaving things unresolved.

"Are you nervous about going back?" Ginny asked, sitting down beside Lily and placing a hand on her back. Harry stood beside them, his hand on Ginny's shoulder.

"I've dealt with this sort of thing before," Lily said. "I guess…" She sighed. "I'm only scared because Ris and Hugo were upset with me. They've never gotten angry at me before."

"Did you write them at all?" Harry asked. Lily shook her head.

"I didn't know what to say. And it'll mean more if I apologize in person, I hope."

"They'll forgive you," Ginny assured her. "They'll understand, better than anyone else."

Lily stayed silent. She had never kept secrets from them before, and she had no idea how they would react to it. Not well, apparently. Not well at all.

"I know that when we first found out – everything – that we acted like we were disappointed in you." Harry's voice was soft in the cold night air and Lily bit her lip. She hoped that he wouldn't tell her that he hadn't been, because she had never wanted her parents to lie to protect her emotions.

"And we were," Harry continued. "Then, we were very disappointed that you hadn't told us about Teddy or Nott. But we've discussed it, Lily, and while we are still hurt, we're starting to understand."

Lily tensed. If her parents would stop looking at her like she had let them down, then she might be able to stop feeling guilty about things she had promised she'd never feel guilty about.

Ginny said, "We know that, despite our best efforts, you have not had the easiest life. It is not easy being in the spotlight, and it's especially difficult for you because you are so different. And your differences make you who you are and your father and I love you for your differences. I cannot imagine you as similar to Albus or James or Rose – you have always been your own person, Lily, and that person is a wonderful one. We are sorry if the world has ever made you doubt that, but we are even sorrier if _we_ have ever made you doubt it."

"You've never," Lily began, but Harry interrupted.

"I'm sure that we have, though. You don't need to lie to us. You don't need to lie at all, and I'm also sorry that we've made you feel like you do. This is what we want to say: We love you, and we are proud of you and the decisions you've made. We're proud of how you've grown up. We're impressed with how loyal you have been to your friends."

"Please, Lily, just know that we love you."

"I love you guys, too."

She didn't really feel like pulling away when they hugged her. That was progress.

She also wished that she could stay home when she stood by the fireplace in their living room the next morning. She hadn't dreaded going to school this much, ever. Aside from the awkward silence between her and her parents, though, her home had been peaceful. It had been isolated. And now Lily had to go back and face the consequences of her actions over the last several months and she really wished that she could have just left that world, where gossip ran wild, and gone somewhere where her name and her face were completely unknown.

This was not the first time she had wished that, and it would certainly not be the last, so she inhaled a final breath of peaceful air and tossed her handful of Floo powder into the flames. She whirled into McGonagall's office.

The headmistress barely looked up from the papers she was reading. "Good morning, Miss Potter."

"Hi, Professor." Lily hesitated by the fireplace. "Do you need me to…do anything?"

"Oh, no. You're fine. You can go straight to your dormitory, or class if you have it this morning."

"Thank you." She left the room and went down the staircase. She actually did have class that morning, but she wasn't planning on going to it. Hugo and Ris both had Herbology, and she needed to find them.

She left the castle and hurried down the front steps. Groups of seventh and six years were milling toward the greenhouses, and Lily could feel their eyes on her as she passed them. She could imagine what they were saying and thinking, but she didn't stop to listen. She kept her attention focused on the girl with lime green hair and the curly-haired ginger ahead of her.

When she caught up to them she could not think of anything more to say than, "Hey, guys."

Ris didn't even look at her. Hugo glanced over and his blue eyes were not forgiving.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

They kept walking. Lily waited a fraction of a second before following them. "Please," she said.

They had reached the greenhouse. Hugo held the door open for Ris and let it fall shut behind him; Lily reached for it and tugged it open again. They were standing at a table toward the back of the mostly full glass-enclosed room. Lily could feel everyone's eyes on her as she approached, but Ris and Hugo managed to keep their attention on the plant waving spiny arms on the table in front of them.

Lily stood beside Hugo. He shifted a barely perceptible inch away from her. The whole classroom had fallen silent, watching the three friends as if waiting for an explosion. None came before Professor Longbottom entered the room. He began lecturing without taking too much notice of the students, but when he finally glanced up his eyes found Lily's immediately.

He sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. "Miss Potter," he sounded almost apologetic, "I believe you're in the wrong class."

"Yes, sir." But Lily didn't move.

"Are you planning on standing there the whole class?"

"Yes, sir."

She heard some muttering from somewhere in the group – maybe from that ratty Ravenclaw Smith, or the Hufflepuff at the front whose name she never could remember. Longbottom spared a glare for the class in general before turning his attention back to Lily.

"Don't you have a class that you're supposed to be in?"

"Yes, sir."

"Lily," he sighed, and she could see some of her family's friend in the lines around his eyes, "go to your class please." He was begging her not to make this more difficult on herself but Merlin, she just needed to sort out this mess with Ris and Hugo. She did not give a damn what everyone else said about her, but she needed her friends.

"Lily," Hugo muttered, "go away."

Ris elbowed him. They shouldn't have decided on the silent treatment. Hugo sucked at silent treatment, but it was worrying how long he'd lasted.

Lily shook her head. "I won't say anything, Professor. I swear. You won't even know I'm here."

Longbottom sighed and turned back to demonstrating what his students were supposed to be doing to the plants with the waving tentacles. Lily stepped out of the way. She'd never been good at Herbology.

When the class was over she began to follow Hugo and Ris out of the greenhouse, but Longbottom called her to the front. He waited until everyone had left the room to speak, although Lily noticed quite a few people lingering outside the door, probably with hearing-enhancing charms cast and their rumor-spreading tongues already wagging.

"Are you all right, Lily?" Professor Longbottom asked.

She glanced at the door before saying, "I'll be fine once Hugo and Ris have yelled at me. This silence is disconcerting, don't you think?" She smiled at him, ever the (false) positive one.

He shook his head. "You need to be more careful, Lily. If you want people to forget about it, you need to stop drawing attention to yourself."

Lily raised her eyes to his. "I don't care whether people forget about 'it' or not. I don't care what people say. Can I go?" Ris and Hugo might have managed to make it back to the school by then, and they'd have easily lost her among the castle's many corridors and corners.

"Yes. Yes, you can go." Lily had already pushed through the group at the door by the time Professor Longbottom had finished.

Ris and Hugo hadn't quite made it to the castle. Lily reached them before they mounted the front steps, and they both stopped walking.

"Lily," Hugo sighed. "Just leave it alone, yeah?"

"No." Lily was out of breath from running across the grounds and the word came out like a gasp. "No, I won't."

Ris was the queen of silent treatment. Lily didn't expect her to talk; she was hoping to work on Hugo. But Ris's eyes were suddenly locked on Lily's own. "Look, you need to stop. Stop following us and trying to talk to us because we are not over it. And I honestly cannot see myself ever getting over it because Merlin, Lily, you lied to _us_. We don't lie to each other."

Lily could have said many things at that. She could have used the ever-relevant, _we're Slytherins. We lie to everyone. _Or she could have reminded her best friend of the many lies she'd told Lily back in the beginning. But she just said, "I am so sorry."

"Are you really?" Ris snorted. "I bet, if you could go back, you'd tell all those lies again."

"Not to you. To you, I'd tell the truth. If I could do it again, I'd tell you the moment it started."

"Bullshit," Hugo said. "That's bullshit, Potter. You've always been so fucking reserved – even with us. You never tell us _anything_."

"Don't try to deny it," Ris added, "We were talking about it, and we realized that you've barely talked about anything other than PWP and our lives – Hugo and mine – in ages. Much longer than a year."

This was that same goddamn fight she'd had with Teddy back at the beginning of the summer all over again. She could use the same solution – offer transparency for forgiveness. "My life is not interesting," Lily told them. "You know that."

"We're interested," Hugo said. "We've always been."

"Fine. What do you want to know?" A crowd had gathered around them, and the students had stopped breathing at that. She was about to spill secrets to the school. But that only mattered for the next three months. Three months was not a long time.

"Why didn't you tell us about Teddy?" Ris shot immediately.

"Because I didn't want you to judge me." Lily had rehearsed the answer to that question too many times.

"How could you think that we would?" Hugo asked.

"Because we judge everyone else," Lily could feel sudden, shameful tears in her eyes. "It seemed safer as a secret."

Ris looked at her for a long moment. She looked at the crowd of students around them, all fascinated by the fight, all horribly obvious about their eavesdropping, all bitter about some imagined or real slight Lily or Ris or Hugo had done them in the past. Ris shook her head and crossed the space to link her arm with Lily's. "This is not over," she told her. "But for now, I forgive you."

Hugo took a minute longer but he came to Lily's other side eventually, and the three of them went up to the castle together, leaving a very disappointed group of students behind them.

[x]

Things didn't go back to normal, but they were as close to normal as Lily could have hoped for, and she was grateful for that. Hugo and Ris made her talk to them more, but that wasn't a bad thing. She had forgotten how lucky she was to have them as her friends.

Every morning when the owls flew into the Great Hall, Lily looked up, holding onto the stupid hope that Teddy would have said, "Fuck it" to her father's restriction (even though she was too scared to). Every morning she was disappointed.

One morning in early March an owl did land at her spot. He was unfamiliar, but the writing on the envelope he held wasn't. She had last seen it on a howler, but this letter seemed unaltered by any spells.

She opened the envelope and pulled out the letter after offering Sebastian's new owl a piece of bacon.

_Potter – _

_Ted just told me what my dad did to you. I had no idea and I am so sorry. I wish that I could have stopped him. He is such a fucking bastard.  
Thank you for keeping my secret even though I probably didn't deserve it.  
Sorry about the howler._

_Ted says that you've got some problems with your family and he's been working his ass off more than usual lately so I know that things aren't perfect right now for either of you but I hope they get better. I hope you can come back this summer. _

– _Nott_

She folded the letter and slipped it into her pocket. She felt homesick in a way she hadn't since the beginning of the school year and when Ris looked at her with questions in her eyes Lily shrugged. "I'm just missing Greece."

They understood.

[x]

Harry typically received a pile of letters in his box at the office around eleven every morning, and then sometimes he spent his lunch break reading them, delegating the less urgent ones to other people in the department, occasionally binning them without responding, and every so often answering them himself. He often allowed the letters to pile up for days, supposing that nothing too important would arrive via owl.

But after the full moon in March he began paying much closer attention to all forms of correspondence. Whenever he walked down corridors or stood in the lift and saw fluttering memos passing, he tried to decipher the department title on the parchment. If the memo was flitting from or to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures he'd sometimes snatch them out of the air and unfold them, reading them quickly before setting them free again. Nobody questioned him about it – he was Harry Potter, after all, and the glares that he sent after the freed memos made even those who knew him hesitant to speak to him.

He sorted through his post the instant his secretary deposited it in his box, his hands flipping between the papers as he searched for familiar handwriting on the envelopes. Finally, one day near the middle of the month he pulled a letter from the pile and recognized the handwriting on the front from his godson's few letters over the past several years. He opened the envelope with shaking hands, hoping that Teddy had somehow managed to convince the Ministry officials that he deserved continued funding. There were two pages.

_Dear Harry,_

_The experiment is still on! I managed to work some sort of miracle with the potions and the board thought it was impressive enough to continue funding the experiment, despite my "questionable personal choices". I've included the details on the next sheet, which I've written as a letter to Lily. If you find it appropriate, will you please send it to her? She was very involved in the potions process this summer, and I want her to know how it's working out.  
Thank you,_

_Teddy_

[x]

Lily still watched the owls entering the Great Hall well into March, even though she knew that she shouldn't have expected anything from Teddy, or anything more from Nott. Her connections to the world outside of Hogwarts had been steadily shrinking since August, but she couldn't help her eyes drifting up to search for familiar feathers among the owls every morning. Even so, she was surprised to see her father's owl there one day in mid-March. She opened the envelope immediately, pulling out two sheets of parchment.

The first page was a rushed message from her father.

_Hi, Lily,_

_I just got a note from Teddy and he asked me to send this to you. I've read it and it's very exciting news.  
I've already let him know that I've sent it to you, so you don't need to worry about responding. However, he did mention that you'd been involved in the potions making this summer – you've never mentioned you like potions – what's that about?_

_Look forward to hearing from you._

_Love,_

_Dad_

She dropped the first sheet on her empty breakfast plate and began reading the letter from Teddy.

_Dear Lily,  
I don't think that your father would have told you that the experiment was put under surveillance last month – the department wanted to ensure that I wasn't wasting money. It was terrifying beforehand, of course. I brewed the potions with no idea of whether they'd be any more effective than of the others we've tried, but I knew that if they weren't any better these would be the last batches I ever brewed. _

_The woman from the Ministry arrived just before the full moon, so I gave her a tour of the house and everything and then she watched the whole procedure. It made me pretty pissed, actually, because she was so clinical about the whole thing and Josef and Ana and Tomas were in pain and the Ministry employee was just asking such bastardly questions. _

_The first night nothing happened. The werewolves transformed like always, although I think it was slightly less painful than usual. Remember the first full moon you were here for, when the pain was so bad that their howls hurt to hear? That hasn't happened since this summer, which I've been happy about, but the Ministry employees didn't really seem to give a damn. _

_They were really disdainful about the whole thing. It made me nervous, but it also made me angry, because at least I'm trying something. No one else is even willing to do that. _

_But that all changed the next night, when I gave Josef, Ana, and Tomas the potions and they transformed like always, except that when they transformed none of them had tails. They were tailless wolves and Merlin, Lil, I've never been so happy in my life._

_Luckily the Ministry official realized that _this_ was a big deal. so the experiment is continuing!_

_About your last letter, I forgive you, of course. But Merlin, Lil, why didn't you tell one of us? I wish you'd told me or your parents or even Albus. We could have helped. But I'm sure you've heard that from your parents already, so I'll let it be.  
I will see you in June._

_Love,  
Teddy_

He was curing lycanthropy and he would see her in June. She couldn't stop smiling for days.

[x]

Lily had thought that celebrating the end of seven years' education would have been climactic. She would have expected noisy explosions of sparklers in the night sky and bonfires of burnt textbooks (Bathilda Bagshot and Cassandra Vablatsky prominent among them) and long, teary speeches from each of the professors about how much they would miss each individual student. Lily's expectations, she found, were incorrect. Professor McGonagall announced the names of all of the seventh years at the final feast and the school applauded them after McGonagall read off "Zabini, Mada."

Slytherin house threw its own leaving party, of course, but Lily, Ris, and Hugo decided not to join. They slipped outside after the feast, Lily carrying a bottle of Firewhiskey beneath her robes, and went to sit by the Lake.

Lily had always liked the way the grounds looked at night. They were empty and dark, with obscured shapes of trees and buildings jutting at odd angles from the sloping hills. To others it might have seemed menacing and dangerous; to Lily, Ris, and Hugo it was an image of home.

"So." Ris took the bottle from Lily and untwisted the cap, tilting it back into her mouth. Hugo took it from her.

"So," Lily repeated.

"This is it." Lily had always thought that if any of them cried when they left school, it would have been Hugo. She had never told him this, of course, and his voice sounded steady enough, so she guessed she had been wrong.

"We're really leaving," Ris said. "Merlin, I never really thought this would happen to us."

"What?" Lily laughed, "You thought time was going to stop before we left school?"

"I thought that we would magically sort out a way to stop time before we left school," Ris corrected. "But I guess that we grew out of it sooner than I thought we would." She had the bottle again and she held it up to her eye, looking at the slowly lapping Lake through the glass and alcohol. "Whenever I thought about our last night here, I thought we'd be frantically selling our last stocks of Touch Explosion and trying to make every single second count."

"I never thought we'd be ready to go," Hugo confessed. "But this year didn't really turn out the way I expected it to."

"I'm sorry," Lily said. "I think a lot of that was probably my fault. I know I kind of…abandoned you guys for a while there."

"It's all right, Lil," Hugo said. "We get it now."

"And it's probably better this way." Ris tipped the bottle into her mouth and collected the last few drops of Firewhiskey on her tongue. "I'd rather be ready to leave than want to be a child forever."

"And now we can all go off and be adults, or something like them."

Lily grinned. "Maybe. Or maybe we can just be us, with big boy and big girl jobs."

"If we manage to get jobs," Hugo muttered. "Ris and I are still fucked in that department."

"You're really going to Greece?" Ris asked, tossing the bottle into the Lake and leaning her head against Lily's shoulder.

"If I pass the exam and get offered the position, yeah."

"We'll miss you." Hugo tugged at her braid and she shrugged, bumping Ris's head against her ear.

"You can just Floo me."

"Nice," Ris muttered.

"But of course I'll miss you, too." Lily elbowed her and Ris shoved her back.

"I don't like goodbyes," she said.

"Then we won't say them," Lily promised. "Besides, we'll all be back here again. No one ever leaves Hogwarts for good. And we have the whole summer before I leave for Greece. If I even get the job."

"You'll get it," Ris told her. "You're Lily Potter. The world can only fuck you over so much before things start going your way."

"I like that theory." Lily stood and the world swam around her. "Shall we?"

"Let's."

They were the only people moving in the dark grounds, and Lily said silent goodbyes, because these moments were the last ones she'd spend with such an intimate, possessive knowledge of Hogwarts.

[x]

When Lily had sent her parents a letter explaining that she had signed up to take the Potion's Master's Examination and that she wanted to apply for a job as Teddy's assistant they had exchanged a look and Ginny had written Lily seven different letters before she ended up sending one.

It read:

_Dear Lily,  
Your dad and I are happy that you're starting to make plans for your life after Hogwarts (you're certainly beating James in that regard!), but we're concerned that you haven't put much thought into this. _

_We understand that you were interested in Teddy's experiments over the summer, but we're worried that you are making this decision based on a relationship which has not had the opportunity to grow (and we will not hide that we __are still worried__ about the age difference). If you have decided to apply for this job because of Teddy, please consider how you would feel about it if you felt no emotional attachment – or even a negative emotional attachment – to him, and then decide whether or not this is the ideal position for you._

_We love you.  
Mum and Dad_

Lily hadn't been as angry when she received that letter as she would have been a few months before. She pulled out her own parchment and quill immediately and sent her parents a calming note in response.

_Dear Mum and Dad:  
I understand where you're coming from, but after having spent the summer with Ana and Josef and Tomas and Sebastian I cannot imagine any other place for myself. My decision has very little to do with Teddy. I want to help my friends, and I feel as if Teddy's experiment provides the best opportunity._

_Love,  
Lily_

They exchanged another look when they received that note, but they didn't express their doubts to their daughter. After all, Lily had always had a big, if slightly frosty, heart. And besides, Harry and Ginny were not at all sure what the chances of Lily passing the Potions Masters Exam were. She had done well enough on her NEWTS, they thought, but, well, it had always been difficult to tell with her.

[x]

Lily passed, of course. She received her results in mid-July and she sent her application in to the Department for the Protection and Control of Magical Creatures the next day. She wrote Teddy a letter and sent Ris and Hugo and Al and Score and James messages and left the results on her kitchen table so her parents would see them. Then she went out to her backyard and sat on her rock until the sun turned the leaves gold.

Ris and Hugo found her there. "Are you leaving for real, then?" Ris asked.

"I don't know yet."

"Lily, you got perfect scores. You'll get the job," Hugo pushed her and she moved over so they could both sit on the rock with her.

She took their hands in hers and said, "Yeah, I guess I'm leaving."

"You're happy, aren't you?" Ris said. "You had goddamn better be happy, Lily Luna, because if you're making me feel this sad and you're not happy I will seriously kill you."

"If you're not happy, you should call this whole thing off and we can start brewing illegal potions again because that's what we're all really good at."

"I'm happy," Lily told them. "But I'm sorry you're sad. I promise I'll come visit and you'll come visit. I want you to meet everyone and properly meet Teddy and I want you to see…everything."

"God, we're so _old_." Ris kicked her heel against the rock. "When did that happen?"

"I don't know, but I don't think I mind."

"Yeah, well you wouldn't." Hugo sighed. "You were always the oldest out of all of us, Lil."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you're mature." Ris tugged her hand from Lily's and slid down from the rock. Hugo followed her, and they stood facing Lily. Ris was smiling, but her eyes were bright. "Here." She held out a familiar bottle and Lily took it after a moment.

"Touch Explosion?" Lily asked.

"We saved the last bottle for you," Ris explained. "Since you've finally got someone to use it with."

Lily laughed. "How thoughtful of you."

"We are the best." Hugo grinned. "We'll see you, Lil."

"Yeah, see you."

They disapparated and she tilted the bottle, watching as the potion swirled against the glass. Merlin, there was such a history there. She slipped the potion into her pocket and sat outside for a while longer, before going inside and listening to her parents' congratulations. It was all sort of a blur; she just wanted her job offer to arrive. She just wanted to be there, already.

Two weeks after she received her test results, two letters arrived for Lily in the post. The first was addressed in fancy script on thick parchment, and she slit the Ministry seal to find that she had been accepted as "Potions Master II" on the "Lycanthropy Program" in Greece. She would begin the third week of August.

The second was from Teddy. He had only written: _I can't wait. _He hadn't needed to write anything else.

When she sprinkled Floo Powder on her fire and dragged her trunk into the flames, she didn't feel sad. This time she knew that when the fire released her she would be home.

**A/N: **I appreciate reviews!


	9. Epilogue

**A/N:** I do not own _Harry Potter_.

Epilogue  
"Maybe that's what life is...a wink of the eye and winking stars." – Jack Kerouac

Lily had left the window open and a late-March breeze accompanied the silver-blue glow of the full moon into the bedroom. Teddy cast his improved surveillance charm on the wall opposite the wardrobe, and Lily perched on the edge of his desk, her knees drawn up to her chin as the four rooms in the basement appeared in illuminated two-dimensional form on the far wall. Ana, Josef, Tomas, and Sebastian – who had finally been accepted back into the trials – stood in the centers of their respective rooms, their bodies tense and ready for the abrupt transformative force to take them.

Teddy stood beside his desk, one hand placed palm-down on its surface, and Lily knew without looking at him that he stood as still as the werewolves. Ever since he'd had that breakthrough a year before their experiments had grown increasingly frustrating. They had assumed that once they stopped the transformation in one part of the body, it would be simple to adjust the potion to stop the whole process. They had been hopelessly mistaken. The werewolves still appeared every full moon, they just didn't have tails. Lily had been particularly hopeful about this month's variations, but it was the last full moon in March, and she was starting to wonder whether they'd ever be successful.

She bit into her bare knee and watched the images. Nott had started pacing, the way he always did just before he transformed. Ana stretched flat on the floor. Josef stared up at the ceiling, and Tomas tugged his shirt from his shoulders, revealing a scarred back. Lily sighed. Full moons had always been horrendous, but they had turned monotonous these last few months.

And then Ana was arching up over the floor, her mouth open in a scream that the visual charm didn't translate; the skin on Tomas's back rippled with magic, Josef's arms sprouted fur, and Sebastian froze mid-pace and dropped to all fours, landing on clawed paws. But – Lily hopped down from the desk and she and Teddy crossed the room to examine the images.

"Their faces." Teddy's voice shook with an odd mixture of restrained happiness and horror. The four werewolves stared up at their respective ceilings with scared eyes. Their bodies were wolf-like, covered in gray fur and still quivering, but their heads were human. Sebastian's teeth gnawed at his lower lip and Ana's mouth was a thin line of pain; Tomas and Josef both had tears rimming their suddenly bloodshot eyes.

"Shit." Lily pressed one fingertip against the image of Nott. "Shit, Teddy, it must hurt like hell."

"It always hurts," Teddy pointed out. "Usually we can't tell because it's not as obvious on the wolves' faces."

"But this looks worse," Lily said. Nott had turned his head so they couldn't see the evidence of the pain. "Much worse."

"Lily." Teddy stepped behind her and gripped her shoulders, leaning his chin against her hair and speaking softly. "Look at them. They're not howling or clawing at anything. They've got werewolf bodies, yeah, but their heads – their minds – are still human. I guarantee that when we let them out tomorrow morning they'll say that all the pain in the world was worth _that_." He squeezed her shoulders. "This is the real breakthrough, Lil. All we need to do is figure out how to stop the rest of the body from transforming. The mental aspect was always the most important and the most difficult."

"But it won't be easy." Lily continued staring at her agonized friends.

"Of course it won't, but we knew this would never be easy. Merlin, Lil!" He pivoted her to face him and tipped her chin up with two fingers. "Be happy!"

She shook her head, turning away from him. "I'll be happy in the morning." Lily knelt on the floor, her eyes moving from one square to the next, looking for some sign that the pain had become too much or that it had lessened. She found neither.

She stayed like that all night, while Teddy pulled out their notes on the potion and began hypothesizing changes that would enable them to stop the physical transformation entirely. He moved to sit beside her at one point, because she looked so scared sitting there while their friends suffered. Teddy hated how much easier it was to observe the transformations when his friends looked like wolves, but he was also grateful for it. If every full moon had been like this, he and Lily would never have kept it going this long.

The sun finally began to lighten the room from blue to gray, and Lily stood and started pacing. "What if they don't change back?" she asked.

"What on earth would make you think they wouldn't?" Teddy asked. "In all of our research, we've never heard of any case where the transformation didn't end at dawn." He nodded to the wall, where Nott, Ana, Josef, and Tomas had begun shaking again, their bodies morphing slowly back into the full human form. "They're fine." But they were all still lying on the floors of their rooms, and as Teddy dispelled the charm Lily hurried to the doorway and down into the kitchen. She was about to undo the locks on the basement door when Teddy came up behind her. "Let them come up on their own, Lil. They probably need a little bit of time to recover. Why don't you stick the kettle on?"

Lily hesitated by the door for a moment before nodding and turning to the stove. They stood in silence, watching as the kettle began to steam, and then noises issued from the stairs and the door burst open and Lily found herself wrapped in Nott's arms.

He swung her around. "You've done it!" he crowed, "You've done it!"

When he finally let go of her she saw that Ana, Josef, and Tomas had all embraced Teddy, and everyone was smiling. Tears sparkled in Ana's eyes. She hugged Lily. "Thank you," she whispered.

"But...didn't it hurt?" Lily asked when Ana released her.

"Of course," Ana said. "But at least I was aware. I'd suffer any amount of pain for the knowledge that I am human during a full moon."

"And the pain wasn't even that bad," Nott added. "I've certainly felt worse."

The tea kettle let off a sudden burst of noise, and Lily moved to brew tea for everyone. "So, you think we're getting there?" Josef asked as Lily handed him a cup.

"Teddy thinks we are. I'm scared of being too optimistic."

"We are definitely on the right track," Teddy said, resting a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Whether or not it'll take two more months, or twenty-four more, I cannot tell you, but I have a feeling that it'll happen sooner rather than later."

Ana grinned. "Well, I'm not sure what you all are thinking, but my muscles could use some stretching after last night. Anyone up for a hike?"

"I'm game," Nott said.

"I'm in," Josef added. Tomas tossed back the rest of his tea and nodded.

"What about you all?" Ana asked, turning to look at Lily and Teddy.

"I want to look over our notes for next month," Lily said.

Teddy shook his head. "I'm going to take a nap. You lot have fun."

The others left the kitchen, and Lily and Teddy went upstairs. Teddy collapsed on his bed and Lily picked up the notebook he had been examining the night before. She went back to the kitchen and sat at the table, looking through the slight changes they had made to the potions since Teddy had had his first breakthrough the year before. Sitting there, alone, she finally allowed herself to hope. It might take a while, but they had known they weren't wolves. They had been conscious. And that mattered.

She pushed back from the table and walked up the stairs, opening the door to the bedroom without bothering to be quiet. Teddy was sprawled on his back, and Lily didn't even try to avoid waking him as she sat cross-legged on the bed beside him. He had stripped to just his jeans, and she watched the way his smooth chest rose and fell with his deep sleep-breaths. He cracked his eyes open and smiled at her.

"Hey." He held out his hands to her, but instead of taking them she moved to straddle his hips, her bare knees pressing against his sides as she leaned forward so her lips hovered a few centimeters from his.

"Hi."

He traced patterns on her skin beneath his old button down shirt and asked, "Are you happy now?"

"I've never been happier," she told him, and then he pulled her down, closing the distance between them.

Lily disentangled her limbs from Teddy's a few hours later. She yawned and stretched, plucking Teddy's discarded shirt from the floor and shrugging it over her shoulders.

"Where are you going?" Teddy watched her dress without moving from the bed, although he did toss her her shorts when she began lifting the covers to find them.

"I'm hungry. Do you want anything for," she glanced at her watch, "an early dinner?"

Teddy smiled at her. "I'll come down in a little while and get something. Promise you'll come to bed early tonight?"

She winked at him as she left and he called, "That's a creepy face, Lil! Don't ever make it again!"

She jumped from the final step and landed in the kitchen to find Nott sitting at the table. He had poured salt out onto the wooden surface and was drawing designs in the white grains with his index finger.

He glanced up. "Oh, hey."

"Hi," Lily said slowly.

"I didn't want to come up, in case you and Teddy were..."

"Yeah, because that would have been awkward." Lily opened the icebox and began sorting through the leftovers. Nott didn't respond. "What're you doing here?"

"What? A guy can't come over to hang at his friends' house?"

"Usually he waits for his friends to let him in." Lily tugged some minestrone out of the icebox and tapped her wand against it. It began steaming. She poured it into two bowls and dropped one beside Nott's salt design, carrying the other to the seat across from him.

"I thought we were past all the formalities, Potter," Nott faked offense, "I thought we were closer than that."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our home is your home and all that shit."

Nott nodded. "Damned straight." He blew onto a spoonful of soup and ate it while Lily stared at him, trying to decipher his expression.

"So," she finally said. "What're you doing here, Nott?"

He stared into his bowl of soup for a silent moment, and when he looked back up at her his eyes were bright and determined. "I might not be a werewolf forever, Lily," he said. "You and Teddy might actually cure this." He hesitated. "I don't want...I don't want to go back to being who I was before but...I'd like to start...repairing some things." He ate a few more spoonfuls of soup and Lily waited in silence. "Will you help me write a letter to my mum?"

She didn't hesitate before saying, "Yeah, yeah I will."

He grinned. "We can tell her the truth, that I might get better."

"We can." The truth wasn't always as dangerous as they had once believed it to be.

"We won't address it to my dad, though. He's still a bastard."

Lily smiled. "He might be better now. You never know."

"People don't change, Lil." He shook his head. "Not that much."

"Sometimes they do. Sometimes they change a lot."

"You think my dad did? Really? After what he did to you and Teddy?"

"I don't know, Nott. But I do know that he loves you enough to have shown weakness around me and your mum and my parents. And that's a lot of love. So maybe he's changed. You could give him a chance."

"I could." Nott was tentative and noncommittal but when he started his letter a few hours later he began it: "Dear Mum and Dad."

Lily thought that things often seemed to turn out okay, if you let them.

The End

**A/N:** After I realized that this fic was going to be longer than four chapters long, I started doubting whether I'd ever finish it. It is certainly the longest story that I have ever written, including original fiction, and I am amazed that some of you have stuck with it this whole way. Thank you, all of you, for reading. To those of you who favorited, or added this to your alerts, and especially to those of you who took the time to review even once, thank you so so much. I wish that I could give you all cookies or hugs or something mildly less creepy, but because I can't, please know that I've appreciated every response this story has received.  
I hope that I did not let any of you down with this ending.  
Thank you (again)!


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